FelicitySmith Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 OK, there is an old sketch by Monty Python in which a band of actors and magicians has to confuse a cat that has become too despondent, I am feeling like that cat. I meet this guy on an online dating site, we exchange some emails, after around 2 months he asks me out, we chat a couple times, we meet, he seems a good person, a bit depressed, we meet again, he seems to understand me and we have fun, we meet again, he doesn't kiss me and doesn't offer to take me home, I assume he only wants company, we go out again, very nice conversation, touches my body but keeps a physical distance at all times, at the end he stamps one on my lips and runs away, in between dates he calls but not that much, and after two days he sends an sms that says "X". At this point I am getting kind of annoyed (we are both late 30ies) and I really nicely write him that I don't understand if he just wants my company for going to the cinema or for something else, to which he answers "I live in the moment, I don't know what I want, if you are looking for Mr Clarity, that's not me", and he states that he needs to have sex to know me better (!!). OK. then I dump him, and then he writes that he misunderstood the question, misses me (more or less), that he is looking for love, and I invite him home for dinner. He arrives, first thing he says is "look, no wine and no flowers, nothing!" (thank you, I am very charmed), second he says that he is stoned from the night before, although he never ever takes drugs. Finally we watch a movie, and he seems not to like it but doesn't want me to change, and before the end he stands up, mutters "we are too different" and walks out. The morning after I see an email "you are not going to get rid of me that easily" (?!?), and another one that denies being stoned the night before. And a third one asking me out on 2 dates instead of one, which I declined. He cancels me from his Facebook friends and other social networks, then he asks me out again one more time, regretting that we never kissed, and that he shouldn't let me slip through his fingers (!?! didn't he just push me away?) and that his behavior was just due to bad timing and crossed signals (?!). This guy has been married twice at age 36, has two children, seems a good father, and on the second date said he had depression but he has this great life with a lot of friends, doesn't seem depressed to me. Is there a minimal chance that I misunderstood something and this guy is actually a nice guy? Could I have done something differently'? My head is spinning.. uh, very long message, sorry..
Mrlonelyone Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Nice!?@! This guy sounds nutty as a fruitcake. He flip flops more than Nadia Comaneci in 1976. I know there most be something you really like about him. I know how hard it can be to accept that someone you like is emotionally unstable. He is at the very least erratic. I have a somewhat similar but not the same situation. Some people just have that personality type. Can you live with it? I had a roommate , years ago,who was a diagnosed bi-polar manic depressive. When they were being manic and incorrigible all I could do was ignore them. A person like that can seem great and have lots of friends and function very well. When they are manic they can be fun to be around, or a royal pain. Then suddenly "Jeckel and Hyde" into a deep funk... this can be several times in an hour. Just my $0.02
Leeway Harris Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 It's definitely not you. He's got some problems that you can't help him with, and you shouldn't try. He needs a professional, maybe more than one. Probably best to just back away slowly, then turn around and run for the hills.
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