Dating 3 girls, need to decide. Input wanted.

April 12, 2011

Alright, so I'm dating 3 people at the same time right now - I'd like to turn that into just 1, but I'd like an outside perspective on it first. They are all 3 aware that I am dating other people, I've been completely honest about that without revealing the fine grain details that they probably don't care to hear about. I met them within about a week of each other. One I met through facebook, another through a friend, and the other is the daughter of a co-worker who hooked us up. I have slept with facebook girl and daughter girl. Each one of them is a catch and physically attractive by anyone's standard, but there are positives and negatives to each situation. Let me lay it out for you:

facebook girl is the 'A' type personality, youngest in her family, very career driven, doesn't want to settle down soon, and is two years older than me (both are in our mid twenties). We click pretty well, especially when we're out and can be seen and be social. I like this about us, but she seems like too much of a butterfly for me - which is a big turn off. I see potential here, but it could be empty potential and I just don't know it yet. Been going on dates for 2 weeks, met her last. I've spent the least one on one time with this one.

through a friend/acquaintance girl is more of the 'B' type personality, can be outgoing but is over all relaxed. She's a middle child, still in school (which is fine, I like that, I am too), is undecided about when she wants to settle down - she wants to but is cautious, which is good. We are the same age. I like her and we get along great but I wish she knew more about what she wanted. She really likes me too, but as I said she is cautious. She's been hurt before (haven't we all?) and there is also the social circle factor to consider. Been going on dates for 4 weeks sporadically because of schedules, met her first.

daughter girl is definitely the 'C' type personality, very reserved and introverted. I am the most attracted to this type, even though I am more 'A' type, but at the same time I think I click a bit more with the 'B' type of 'through a friend' girl. Anyway, she is the oldest sibling, has not been to school yet but has a good job none the less, would want to settle down some time soon, and is a couple years younger than me. I like that she would settle down soon if I wanted to, and I'm most attracted to this one's personality, even though there is very slight friction at times - I'm ok with that. I like her decisiveness on wanting a family, but at the same time I question her 'self knowledge' or how well she knows herself. Been seeing each other for just over 3 weeks, met her second. I've spent the most one on one time with this one.

So basically I like all 3, they are all attractive and have points in their personality that I click with. At this point it's not about what looks best for me on paper or which is the most attractive - it's about which has the best potential. I'm leaning more towards girl 'B' and 'C', but I'm still curious about where things could go with girl 'A' if given enough time. I don't want to string them all along or risk losing all 3 by pussyfooting around, so I need to make a decision sometime soon.

It's not life or death, but one can only multi-date for so long. I like them all. I dislike looking at them all so objectively because I don't have a checklist of requirements and it seems arbitrary to me. But still... what do you think fellow LS'ers?

Thanks in advance

Edited April 12, 2011 by TheLoneSock

April 12, 2011

Wish I had your problems... brah.

It's really not as grand as it seems. I'm just trying to be realistic.

April 12, 2011

If you can't easily decide, then I think none of them are "the one". In which case, it doesn't really matter which one you choose.

Another point to consider - do all of these girls want a committed relationship with you? If 2 of them don't, that pretty much decides for you.

April 12, 2011

The crotch behind door number 3

April 12, 2011

Another point to consider - do all of these girls want a committed relationship with you? If 2 of them don't, that pretty much decides for you.

This is another reality of it as well. Just because I make a decision about one of them doesn't mean they are guaranteed to reciprocate and land us both into exclusive territory. However, they have all expressed outwardly that they want something with me and while they are understanding that I'm just dating right now, they have each shown concern that I may want to stop seeing them. Because of this I'm confident that they do want a relationship. If I had any gut feeling that they didn't, they wouldn't even be included in this topic. Am I making sense?

April 12, 2011

This is another reality of it as well. Just because I make a decision about one of them doesn't mean they are guaranteed to reciprocate and land us both into exclusive territory. However, they have all expressed outwardly that they want something with me and while they are understanding that I'm just dating right now, they have each shown concern that I may want to stop seeing them. Because of this I'm confident that they do want a relationship. If I had any gut feeling that they didn't, they wouldn't even be included in this topic. Am I making sense?

That makes perfect sense.

You've laid out some good pros and cons for these girls but do you have a gut feeling about one of them? I would go with the gut every time.

April 12, 2011

That makes perfect sense.

You've laid out some good pros and cons for these girls but do you have a gut feeling about one of them? I would go with the gut every time.

My gut isn't telling me much right now. Only that I'm leaning more into the ones introduced to me through a friend and a co-worker.

April 12, 2011

Wtf? How the **** do you do it?

Do these things just happen to you without you even thinking about it? Or did you have to put in loads of effort to make them happen?

April 12, 2011

Wtf? How the **** do you do it?

Do these things just happen to you without you even thinking about it? Or did you have to put in loads of effort to make them happen?

I'll tell you what, Ross. Some guys got it, and some guys don't.

April 12, 2011

My gut isn't telling me much right now. Only that I'm leaning more into the ones introduced to me through a friend and a co-worker.

I like the Friend girl by far the best. The fact that she hasn't jumped into bed with you right away is also a plus in my book. I'm old fashioned and I respect a girl that isn't easy. You wrote a really nice description of her with almost nothing negative.

Daughter girl has some real potential problems if it goes badly. I think dating the daughter of a co-worker is a bigger no-no than dating a co-worker themselves.

You used the words "big turnoff" in describing Facebook girl. I'd give her a pass.

April 12, 2011

How much more time are you willing to take before you make a decision? I'm asking this because like Jazzari said in her first post, if a decision isn't coming easily to you then it's more likely that none of them are it. Perhaps if you take a little more time you'll have a "wow" or "eww" moment that will spur you to make a choice. Personally, my bet is on Friend girl.

Additionally, you've said that all 3 know you're dating around--do they also know you're sleeping around?? I would think that's very pertinent information to be shared.

April 12, 2011

I like the Friend girl by far the best. The fact that she hasn't jumped into bed with you right away is also a plus in my book. I'm old fashioned and I respect a girl that isn't easy. You wrote a really nice description of her with almost nothing negative.

Daughter girl has some real potential problems if it goes badly. I think dating the daughter of a co-worker is a bigger no-no than dating a co-worker themselves.

You used the words "big turnoff" in describing Facebook girl. I'd give her a pass.

I like her too. Although the truth is I have not really pressed her sexually yet. Maybe that is telling as to how much I like her? The situation with her is the most sensitive too though, I have explicit instructions from my female friend to handle her with care: "Don't hurt her." Maybe higher stakes = higher potential payoff? Fortune favors the bold. The issue I've run into though is that we haven't had a ton of time to spend together, at least not as much as with girl 'C'. Maybe I like her more than I think I do, regardless of how much one on one time we've had. There is something that tells me it feels right, just can't put my finger on it.

Right now though I do feel the strongest emotional connection with girl 'C' though. We've had sex, and we've had much deeper conversations. I think the slight friction has secretly drawn us into each other more too, even though I stay away from drama.

You make a good point about the possibility of a co-worker mess. But her mom is pretty cool, and she knows her daughter can make decisions for herself - she just wanted to introduce us, I don't think she expected us to hit it off like that, at least not soon. Then again, mom knows best...

I'm getting the feeling that girl 'A' is just distracting me from the others 2 terms of the big picture, and even if there was good potential, why gamble on it instead of what's on front of me, I guess.

So, if that eliminates girl 'A' let's say, where do I go from here? Or at the least what can I do to help figure out where to go?

April 12, 2011

How much more time are you willing to take before you make a decision? I'm asking this because like Jazzari said in her first post, if a decision isn't coming easily to you then it's more likely that none of them are it. Perhaps if you take a little more time you'll have a "wow" or "eww" moment that will spur you to make a choice. Personally, my bet is on Friend girl.

Additionally, you've said that all 3 know you're dating around--do they also know you're sleeping around?? I would think that's very pertinent information to be shared.

Not a lot longer, enough time to decide but not enough to let anyone on either side get too attached. As far as the sleeping, they don't ask, I don't tell. If they did I'd be honest with them. They have all three told me that I am not the only guy they are talking to, I didn't press them on whether or not that meant actually dating. Those details aren't important to me because I know they are interested in me when it comes down to it.

Also, just because a decision isn't easy doesn't mean that none of the answers are correct.

April 12, 2011

Based on what I recall of your values (a strong dislike of feminists and career) and personality, Type A girl would be a big mistake.

So that leaves Type B and C. Can't say which one of the other two, since they both sound like unattractive personality types to me but I'm not you and definitely not a man!

April 12, 2011

I definitely agree with your choice of letting girl A go. Aside from the fact that she produced the least interest for you, two people who both put their careers first are not going to make a relationship last at this stage. At least, that is been my experience with that type. As for the other two, I think it comes down to which one do you feel more comfortable with. It is only natural to favor the one you slept with, but think about this rationally. Have either been introduced to the friends you usually see? Do they get along? Girl B sounds a bit gun shy for a relationship and Girl C sounds like she may want a relationship with anyone (not just you). Also, I would caution you against assuming that just because these women have let it be known they are worried about getting dumped that they want a relationship with you. Sometimes women just don't want to be dumped or lose the game even if they don't want you. If it were me, girl B would seem like the best balance as I want someone who is an equal and I don't want to settle down until I am settled into my career. What do you want out a relationship. Which of these women best fits those goals?

April 12, 2011

Based on what I recall of your values (a strong dislike of feminists and career) and personality, Type A girl would be a big mistake.

So that leaves Type B and C. Can't say which one of the other two, since they both sound like unattractive personality types to me but I'm not you and definitely not a man!

Lol, you would think so right? But yes I do not find feminists attractive, but a woman with a career is not unattractive - I just don't like it to be their life. The type 'A' girl is not feministic, but I do think it's best to stop seeing her because of the personality thing (not because of her career, our careers are actually in line with each other).

Moving forward though, what else do you think 3bf? I have always valued your opinion.

April 12, 2011

Girl B sounds like the best bet for a long term relationship, in my opinion. My own gf most similar to Girl B, so maybe I'm a little biased.

I've dated girl A- in the end, she wanted it to be "her way or the highway".

I'd stay away from girl C because of the co-worker thing. That sounds like a recipe for potential disaster.

April 12, 2011

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commitment.png

This cartoon kind of encapsulates what I think about B and C.

Being attracted but mediocre about someone, doesn't always cut the mustard.

April 12, 2011

Sanman, excellent points. Let me look at them individually here:

I definitely agree with your choice of letting girl A go. Aside from the fact that she produced the least interest for you, two people who both put their careers first are not going to make a relationship last at this stage.

This part is just plain true, I had the smallest interest in her.

It is only natural to favor the one you slept with, but think about this rationally.

It is only natural that's correct. I also look at it like this, she's let her guard down for me, for a reserved introvert that is pretty telling. I think part of it has to do with me having favor in her mom's eyes, who's opinion she definitely values (and I like that she is close with her family like that). I like that she has let me in (metaphorically speaking).

Have either been introduced to the friends you usually see? Do they get along?

Haven't had the chance to do this, besides obviously girl 'B' being a part of that distant circle of friends already. This is because if my personality. I do not introduce a girl to my family unless we're already exclusive. So they will not meet anyone unless I take it further with them anyway. Make sense?

Girl B sounds a bit gun shy for a relationship and Girl C sounds like she may want a relationship with anyone (not just you).

Yeah, she is gun shy. But it's not a relationship in general that she's shy of, it's of that relationship failing. So this is a part that I'm not worried about.

Also, I would caution you against assuming that just because these women have let it be known they are worried about getting dumped that they want a relationship with you. Sometimes women just don't want to be dumped or lose the game even if they don't want you.

For sure, good looking out. I try very hard to avoid this kind of behavior though. I really don't get that vibe from them. At least not from girl 'B' and 'C' anyway, and that is all that matters at this point.

If it were me, girl B would seem like the best balance as I want someone who is an equal and I don't want to settle down until I am settled into my career. What do you want out a relationship. Which of these women best fits those goals?

Girl 'B' is the best fit for me balance wise as far as the things I want right now, at least on paper. I think when it comes down to it I just need more time with her. I think it would be awesome to have it grow more, especially since we already share a circle of friends. I just can't deny what I have with 'C'. So now comes the hard part.

April 12, 2011

Girl B sounds like the best bet for a long term relationship, in my opinion. My own gf most similar to Girl B, so maybe I'm a little biased.

I've dated girl A- in the end, she wanted it to be "her way or the highway".

Duly noted tman. I'm serious too because you seem like a pretty happy guy. Makes sense that a girl would be behind part of that.

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commitment.png

This cartoon kind of encapsulates what I think about B and C.

Being attracted but mediocre about someone, doesn't always cut the mustard.

Haha... wow. Says so little but so much at the same time.

April 12, 2011

what do you think fellow LS'ers?

I think you need to back away until you can learn to not play girls for fools.

Tell you what, tell all 3 girls that you are messing with all of them. If one doesn't mind, then thats the one for you.

April 12, 2011

I think you need to back away until you can learn to not play girls for fools.

Tell you what, tell all 3 girls that you are messing with all of them. If one doesn't mind, then thats the one for you.

Whoa there, cowboy, he says in his first post that all three girls are aware that he's dating the others...

April 12, 2011

Whoa there, cowboy, he says in his first post that all three girls are aware that he's dating the others...

missed that little tidbit. doesn't change my stance though.

if all 3 girls know he is seeing all of them, then its their own fault if they decide to stay with him.

April 12, 2011

If I were to select a girl for you, she would be as follows:

Introverted and not a chatterbox.
Feminine but not high maintenance and a bit playful.
Has social graces.
Views you as the dominant partner.
A bit stubborn in that you can't mow her over.
Thinks in a more explicit way, a more delicate touch than your personality type.

April 12, 2011

If I were to select a girl for you, she would be as follows:

Introverted and not a chatterbox.
Feminine but not high maintenance and a bit playful.
Has social graces.
Views you as the dominant partner.
A bit stubborn in that you can't mow her over.
Thinks in a more explicit way, a more delicate touch than your personality type.

What you describe here sounds really attractive to me. These are very realistic things I'm going to have to keep in mind when I'm going through this whole process here, figuring out which one has more of these types of traits than the other.

Sign In

Dating 3 girls, need to decide. Input wanted.

Recommended Posts

TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

Jazzari

Art_Critic

TheLoneSock

Jazzari

TheLoneSock

Ross MwcFan

Leeway Harris

Jazzari

tigressA

TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

threebyfate

Sanman

TheLoneSock

tman666

threebyfate

TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

Memphis Raines

tman666

Memphis Raines

threebyfate

TheLoneSock

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...