bonine Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Hello Everyone and thank you for taking the time to read this! This is my first post on this forum and I must say after reading through many posts the collective knowledge and experience here is unbelievable. I have been dating a lovely young woman since about late august of 2010. The relationship has always been really positive and enjoyable, however a few months ago certain issues started popping up...mostly regarding little issues...issues that we have been working on with great success...however some days ago we got into a discussion about the relationship and things we could do to improve our time together...this escalated not into an argument but more of a venting episode..this lead to her questioning our relationship..the next day we met up to finish the talk and I already had a bad feeling about it but was confident I might be able to smooth over the rough patches and make something positive out of it. We started talking and she said after our initial talk she has been feeling very conflicted...on one hand she values the relationship, cares for me, is attracted to me, has fun with me and on the other hand she sometimes feels like the relationship is too stressful for her to handle, and that trying to make it work is giving her stress.... I suggest we work on our issues and she said she wants to give me that chance but a big part of her just wants to call it quits...I said I needed an answer to which she replied she couldn't give me one...I suggested we break up and she agreed and started crying...I held her and felt like crying myself, with some thought I retracted my proposal of ending it and really pressed the issue of making it work...she still wouldn't give me an answer...she said she was too conflicted and thought she might be happier alone...she gave me two options, give her space and time until the end of april or it is over right then and there, which she thought would be the easier way..not wanting to lose her I agreed I would wait the 3 weeks... I miss her terribly and I am at a loss for what to make of the situation...I really don't know what I can do to bring her back into my life...to make issues worse she says the only time she feels doubtful of our relationship is when we are apart...and that when we are together she has a great time and is happy... Does anyone have any insight in this situation, what she is thinking or how I could bring her back into my life? Do you think she misses me? Thank you all so much for your help! :-)
longterm Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 You are about to enter the NC zone. First off, I must say that you should not have given the ultimatum of a now or never. That's a lot of pressure and it looks like there clearly already was conflict. Best thing you can do right now is to totally pull back. No contact at all!! You have a great chance here not to blow it. Go this 3 weeks with total NC. IF you get any response prior to that from her. NC! You can wait the 3 weeks. At least you have a time frame. Most of us don't. Go the 3 weeks. After 3 weeks is over, still wait another week before you contact again. This will be ok as it would have been a month. Remember to not respond right away to any contact. You are to live your life now and just occupy your mind with other things. Trust me. It will help in this situation. Be prepared for any outcome though. There is a lot of stress here. I can see it just in your text. Do not try to smooth over any more. Wait the time. She needs to be alone and miss you. You have to wait for HER to come to you on her own. There is nothing you can do to change this.
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