lovebound Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Have you ever had a friends with benefits relationship that turned into a relationship? Im currently thinking about ending one cause i can see myself maybe catching some feelings and dont want to end up being hurt. He is a great guy, dont get me wrong, things just happened out of the blue but now after a while, i do not think it is no longer in me to continue. i have had friends that are married now that started as FWB. I am just curious if it always ends bad for everybody or is it just a matter of fate. Im planning to tell this guy that i am interested in dating someone that would be opened to a relationship with me and that if he is not interested, then the best thing is to move on. any stories? It hadnt gone for that long, about 3 months. we are good friends though.
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I really do not understand FwB. I mean I get the concept but can not for the life of me wrap my head around it. Not being judgmental or anything, it's just that for me personally sex is a very intimate thing and I would not know how to even work a relationship like that.
Author lovebound Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 True...i didnt intend for it to happen..i guess it just happened at a time when i broke up with someone i really cared for and maybe this was a way for me to work out the issues...i didnt think anything about it until recently when i found myself missing him while he was away on a trip. that is why i was so surprised i got involved in it to begin with, a wake up call i guess
Leeway Harris Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 It can be good, or it can be bad. It can get you through a tough transition until you're in a better place, or it can bring you down into the depths of hell. It can get you high on life, or it can make you wish you were dead. There are a million factors. You're basically playing with fire in this kind of a relationship, but if you're both stable and mature enough to handle it, it can be very nice. If you think you're getting feelings for him, you should try to find out if he might have similar feelings or would be open to getting more serious with you. But you have to be prepared for his answer, whatever it is. I hope it works out for you either way.
ASG Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I've never had any of my FwB relationships develop into a proper relationship. I'm obviously not counting the starting dating someone and sleeping with them before you stick a label in it! I've been through all kinds of FwB. The ones where neither of us had feelings, the ones where I had feelings, they didn't, and the ones they had feelings and I didn't. If they had feelings and I didn't I just walked away as soon as I found out. FwB is supposed to be drama free and I didn't want to deal. If I had feelings, I would HIDE them. And actively try to supress them, specially if I thought the feelings weren't mutual. Sometimes it got a bit messy and they would end up walking away (just like I would have done). Other times I had enough time to get over them.
elastica Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I am currently in a relationship that started as fwb, so yes, it can happen. Just out of curiosity, how old are you guys? Younger men tend to judge women on sexual habits (although I have never experienced this personally and I speak based on what I read on this forum). I think moving from fwb to a relationship is more likely to happen when people get more mature and experienced, emotionally stable etc. (generally I would say in their 30s, maybe late 20s).
fishtaco Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I'm sure people have gotten married that started from even supposedly no strings attached ONS before. Things happen. But FWB usually don't work out because more often than not, one side will develop feelings and the other side won't reciprocate. I've been on both sides before. I've never done anything more casual than FWB before, never ONS, and never f-buddies. I'd think f-buddy is less dramatic, because you don't give each other a chance to interact outside of sex, intentionally, so feelings won't develop. It's still unstable, but it'll probably just go away with a shrug where FWB sometimes end up with hurt feelings and impact the social circle. But, that's just how it is. I'd say getting dropped in a FWB is less of an impact than getting dumped by your boyfriend/girlfriend, which is less of an impact than going through divorce. And those aren't exactly "rare" things to happen in the world of romantic relationships. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and I'm sure much way higher percentage of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships don't work out and someone gets dumped. Hurt feelings happen. And in the grand scheme of things, FWB going bad seems like a smaller hurt feeling compared to the other situations.
Author lovebound Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 elastica, well we are in our 30s so we are not that young..that is why i am wondering...if i was younger, yes, i would feel like it definitely is not going anywhere.
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 A woman in a FWB situation seems to be analogous to a man in a friendzone situation. Neither of them are particularly happy. While the other person may be completely content with it. And it's unlikely that either situation will lead to a relationship. I believe that it's based on the circumstances that that the FWB or friendzone were formed. Basically the people involved wanted different things. If they wanted the same things, they would have simply gotten into a relationship.
HappyPanda Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Im currently in a relationship that started as a friends with benefits type thing... It took us about 10 months or so to call it a proper relationship. Although, Ill admit. He tried to make it one sooner than that, but I resisted because at the time it was long distance, and Ive done a LDR before, and swore to never do it again. So, I knew he had feelings for me more or less from the get go.. I think he first pitched the "what are we/where are we going" conversation around month 4. If you're happy and he seems happy, than why end things? However, if you truly feel that this seems to be going nowhere and you'll end up getting hurt, then I would ask him if he sees this going anywhere. Especially if you're prepared to quit while you're ahead anyhow.
ASG Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 A woman in a FWB situation seems to be analogous to a man in a friendzone situation. Neither of them are particularly happy. While the other person may be completely content with it. That is very stereotypical of you... I'm a woman. I've had several FwB. I've had feelings for some of them, but I've also been perfectly content with what I had with the others, not wanting anything more. And even when I did have feelings, I always knew I had to keep them in check and preferably make them disappear (as you can usually judge if the other person is interested or not). And sometimes the feelings aren't even real. You just want something you cant have! I had this very long FwB rs with this guy and I had a crush on him. I wasn't in love, but I liked him more than I should... because he was unavailable for anything other than sex, which wasn't even that good! But I braved it out cause I had a crush. The moment he became available... I didn't want him anymore and as the sex wasn't exactly good, I just walked away.
Thedude22 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I've done it before. It's very easy to slip into a relationship, if either of you become emotionally attached through sex. However when you lay down the law and define it as FWB, both individuals become very defensive about showing romantic interests. It's great if you want to fool around and don't want it to be anything more, not so great if you do.
USCGAviator Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I have a FWB and she knows thats exactly what it is...although she would love it to be a relationship. The sex is amazing and shes a great woman but I'm not ready to make another person a priority in my life at the moment. Were both honest about what we expect and that keeps things very easy and works for both of us.
OliveOyl Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I don't think I've ever had a proper FWB situation. I don't really get the appeal. You like each other, you're friends, you have sex, the sex is good, why all the barriers (unless one is married or something like that)? It's pretty easy to develop feelings in such a situation, why put up walls preventing the relationship from evolving from the get-go? Is the FWB person not accepted by one's friends or social circle and that's why they're doomed to FWB status?
USCGAviator Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I don't think I've ever had a proper FWB situation. I don't really get the appeal. You like each other, you're friends, you have sex, the sex is good, why all the barriers (unless one is married or something like that)? It's pretty easy to develop feelings in such a situation, why put up walls preventing the relationship from evolving from the get-go? Is the FWB person not accepted by one's friends or social circle and that's why they're doomed to FWB status? I'm 1 year out of a 10yr marriage and very much enjoying my single life. I'm not whoring around but I also crave intimate sex. She fills the gap without all the "relationship" responsibilities. I don't have to call her every day, or text her good morning, or buy her gifts and take her out (all the time). I'm good to her, shes good to me, and it just works. I know I'll want a relationship down the road but for now I just want to be selfish and take care of me. I'm very honest about what I want and I don't throw any curve balls to the women I get involved with. If they choose to stay they know the rules.
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