Kristie16 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 It's been eight days since I went no contact after he finally ended things for good between us. (I ended things in February but missed him and we decided to try to make things work before he officially ended things for good April 1.) I'm keeping busy with work and planning some trips this summer. I went out dancing with a girlfriend this weekend. Then last night I was on facebook and saw the pictures: three of him out partying with an ex girlfriend at a bar and a handful of others of him hiking with some friends from the restaurant he works at. The photos of him with the ex gf hit me hard. He told me there's not another girl, and I really do believe him (well, 99 percent). So it's not that it's with an ex or another girl, it's that he's out enjoying life, doing things he never wanted to do with me. When we were together I always wanted to go out on the weekends like go to a bar for a few hours with him or go hiking or go hang out in a group with people and he NEVER wanted to. He wanted to just stay home with me and watch TV. Plus, he was always working two jobs and never had Friday or Saturday nights off. Now, though, it seems like all that has changed. He seems to be working less and doing all the things he didn't want to/like to do with me. We once went to a bar with another couple friends of ours and he ended up leaving early and leaving me there because he just wasn't enjoying it. Now, there are photos of him out drinking with other people and laughing and having a good time. Why couldn't he do that with me? I tell myself he's just going through his newly single phase after a year of being in a relationship, but it still hurts. He, at least in the pictures, seems to be doing fine. (Even if he weren't, he's the type to hold everything in so I'd never know anyway.) I've thought about blocking him on Facebook so I don't see it. I've gone back and froth between letting him see my status updates because I realized I was trying to paint a rosy picture for him. But if I block him, I fear he's going to think I'm being vindictive. We didn't end on the best of terms because of some of the things he said to me and we haven't spoken since. I don't want him to know its affecting me or him to think I'm angry with him. Blocking him would just be me coping, but I wouldn't get to explain to him why I'm doing that and that in the future, when I'm over him, we can go back to being frineds. I don't want him back (well, the realistic part of me doesn't want the relationship back). I think we both know we are not a good match long term, but I do wish I could know that he misses me the same way I miss him. I wish I could know that he's mourning the relationship, too. But it looks like he's having a blast and couldn't be happier...
westernxer Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Just block him already. No need to explain your motives to him. LOL
GreenPolicy Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Take him off your friends list and don't look at his fb.
silvermane187 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Facebook is like ahighlight reel. You only see the good stuff. Block him and delete any of his friends you happen to have on it. The less you know the better.
poorguy Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Facebook is used by many as a tool for self promotion....Hey everyone look at me and how much fun I am and how everyone likes me and it's all B_LLSH_T!!!! Who the F_CK needs validation from everyone online to feel important???? People who are weak do...Do yourself a favor and just give up FB for a spell. Breakups are hard enough but add FB and all the BS pictures to it escalates it to a new level of torture. So you my dear, give yourself a break from FB for now, you will survive without it. The only picture you need to see right now is your own in the mirror of the person who is going to become stronger and better
EmperorR Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I know how it feels but no one is going to put sad pictures or dad status updates on fb. Why my next relationship I'm refusing to add re person I'm dating Just block and delete him, or use a block site and block his profile
radiodarcy Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 save yourself the upset and either block or delete him. if you don't want to do either you can remove him from your news feed. or simply don't look at his page.
Cee Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I have a cousin who had her husband dump her for another woman. By looking at her Facebook, you wouldn't know. She posted up lots of smiling pictures of her and her girlfriends. Most people cry in private away from the prying eyes on Facebook. But you looking at his Facebook is making you crazy. Block him and heal.
Strength of Heart Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Facebook is one of the biggest setbacks following break ups these days, nothing worse than seeing your ex act all happy and like things are going dandy while you are miserable and trying to heal. Delete him and keep it that way until you are moved on, hearing about what your ex is up too is one of the worst things when you are trying to recover even if its not necessarily bad things. I would encourage your friends to delete him too, as mine would often tell me stuff I didn't really want to hear.
Author Kristie16 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 So I finally blocked him today when he began playing around with his profile picture. He never updates facebook and he seems to be doing a lot lately. I don't know if it's for my benefit or not. I felt a huge sense of relief immediately after blocking him but now I feel a little anxious truly not knowing what is going on in his life. But I ultimately know that's good. True no contact is really beginning now.
smudge21 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Glad you've done the Facebook thing, but don't fall into the trap I have. I deleted her and her friends from FB but then 3 weeks later I'm Googling her name (email address) trying to find info, any info. Well I found it, and it set me back and hurt twice as much then having her on FB. Lesson learned I hope. My point is, in the past, when we broke up with someone, we'd rarely hear anything more about them. Now it's so easy just to use the internet and find some link or some website they've been to. The temptation is so strong too (that has never changed - you always want to know about an ex) and the web just allows you to air that temptation. Try and stay away from it. Trust me, nothing good will come from what you find out.
Renard99 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Well done for doing the whole 'block/delete' thing on Facebook. I went through something incredibly similar to you. My ex suddenly started doing things that she'd never want to do with me. If I went to the football she'd only come along under protest if at all. Then, soon after the break up I find out, on Facebook, she's got a season ticket with friends! Then I found out, again on Facebook, that she's going to a couple of gigs for bands that I've always liked and always wanted to see but never have as she always refused to go with me. Combine all of that with her status updates about 'liking the look of the guys at the bar' when she's out, literally days after she broke it off with me, and I just had to delete her........ and you know what...... it felt good. Within days of doing that all of her friends removed me too saving me the effort. I hadn't realised how much Facebook was setting me back! I agre with smudge21 though. Be weary about other avenues to find out information and try and resist. I'd totally forgotten me and my ex were still friends on Last.fm (which tracks the music you listene to). I logged on for the first time in a while and saw all the songs she was listening to (which set me back because she claimed she didn't love me because we no longer shared interests, specifically citing music as an example, yet here she was listening to the same music that we'd both always loved!) Good luck to you OP
Author Kristie16 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Well done for doing the whole 'block/delete' thing on Facebook. I went through something incredibly similar to you. My ex suddenly started doing things that she'd never want to do with me. If I went to the football she'd only come along under protest if at all. Then, soon after the break up I find out, on Facebook, she's got a season ticket with friends! Then I found out, again on Facebook, that she's going to a couple of gigs for bands that I've always liked and always wanted to see but never have as she always refused to go with me. Combine all of that with her status updates about 'liking the look of the guys at the bar' when she's out, literally days after she broke it off with me, and I just had to delete her........ and you know what...... it felt good. Within days of doing that all of her friends removed me too saving me the effort. I hadn't realised how much Facebook was setting me back! I agre with smudge21 though. Be weary about other avenues to find out information and try and resist. I'd totally forgotten me and my ex were still friends on Last.fm (which tracks the music you listene to). I logged on for the first time in a while and saw all the songs she was listening to (which set me back because she claimed she didn't love me because we no longer shared interests, specifically citing music as an example, yet here she was listening to the same music that we'd both always loved!) Good luck to you OP I know how you feel. One of the first status updates he did after the break up was talking about going to a concert out of state (I love to travel and he would never do it with me) with "pretty girls" from work. Talk about a cheap shot.
habs53 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 There is no doubt in my mind that an ex does this to rub it in. Or possible try to cover there guilt. who knows
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