Trevster Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Ok so I have been broken up with my ex for about a month now she left me after 3 years most ppl on here already know my story! Well after we split up there is a gam on the iPhone called words with friends! Well she kept playing that with me an to me it was like a form of communication bc even if she played other ppl it was like our thing together! We would lay n bed and play each other! Well anyways she deleted me off he face book and All our pictures about week half ago been about 12 days! Well she hasn't played with me since! This past Sunday she was at church as was I and we walked past each other and we didn't say nothing to each other she acts that way I hate to ignore ppl! Well today I get up and she has finally played me on the game after 12 days! I know she has been playing other ppl but to me it feels like a form of communication! Don't get me wrong it's words with friends but she did delete me as a friend of Facebook and she has waited 12 days to play me and there is a resign button she could have hit! What do yall think about this and should I just resign it!!!
geegirl Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Ok so I have been broken up with my ex for about a month now she left me after 3 years most ppl on here already know my story! Well after we split up there is a gam on the iPhone called words with friends! Well she kept playing that with me an to me it was like a form of communication bc even if she played other ppl it was like our thing together! We would lay n bed and play each other! Well anyways she deleted me off he face book and All our pictures about week half ago been about 12 days! Well she hasn't played with me since! This past Sunday she was at church as was I and we walked past each other and we didn't say nothing to each other she acts that way I hate to ignore ppl! Well today I get up and she has finally played me on the game after 12 days! I know she has been playing other ppl but to me it feels like a form of communication! Don't get me wrong it's words with friends but she did delete me as a friend of Facebook and she has waited 12 days to play me and there is a resign button she could have hit! What do yall think about this and should I just resign it!!! NC. A little crumb should not derail you from your intended goal. Just let it be and keep doing what you are doing. The only time you break NC is when the other party has something of substance to tell you or give you. Playing some word game on your phone is not worthy enough of putting yourself back at square one.
longterm Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 You really should be thankful that she deleted you from FB. That alone will kill you because you would be checking it all the time. Maybe she did it because she knew she would check on you as well. I play this words with friends too. I can see it as your means of a connection even though you're just playing a game. I say that if this is going to bother you, then don't play. There is a chat on there too as you know. DON'T CHAT!! You need to keep NC here. Besides, this will tear you apart when the game is over and another one may/may not be re-submitted. Don't read into it too much. She likes the game. If you absolutely must play, then just kick her ass. Score the points. There are many other ways that she can come to you. You know that SHE has to decide to come to you on her own. Stick with the NC. The church thing is tough but remember the reason that you are actually there. It's not for her. You're a good guy, Trevester. I'm sure things will work out for you.
Author Trevster Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 @Longterm, thanks i really apprecitate it..... Well we have had games end and new ones start up since our break up but its crazy bc last night before i went to bed i was praying that i could have a sign from god she still thinks of me and she misses me. Well the game resigns after 10 days and ours was at 11 or 12 before she played and then she finally played. I usually do smash her i smash everyone at that game i dont take it easy haha!!! But i know she has been playing it for the past days she hasnt played me but it felt like god answered something for me seeing how the game didnt automatically resign. I am not playing her though bc i dont want to be at her beck and call I dont want it to seem like anytime she wants to communicate im there. Even though i really want to be back with her and speak with her. I love her but she ripped my heart out and I dont want to be used at all... Im a great guy like all my GIRL-friends tell me so I try to stick to that same person. I know its just a game and to me and her it was always our thing together if we werent texting we were playing that with each other even while eating dinner. To me it hurts bc it feels like something but im just going to let time past till she contacts me and even then i will still wait ti contact her back bc like i said i wont just jump when she tells me too. We had a awesome relationship it go broke off bc something stupid maybe she realizes something now but im sticking to my plan... Im glad in a way she deleted me bc now i dont look i use to get on my brothers and look at hers but stopped all that i dont want to hurt or see what she is doing. Yall are real awesome and I thank you for the support and advice would be awesome!!!!!!
Author Trevster Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Oh and im not going to break NC because of this i have been doing way too good for myself anytime i feel like i want to break i think of all yall who are supporting me. And look my NC is already getting her to break.... YAll are awesome...
geegirl Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I hope you see your progress Trev. A couple of weeks ago, you were crippled by what was going on. You focused so much on her and what she was doing. But read your posts now. You want to stay with NC. You are rationalizing your actions and what NC means to you. Keep going. There may be some stumbles and falls here and there but you are getting the picture. Keep going!
longterm Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 And look my NC is already getting her to break.... That last line doesn't look good. Be sure you keep the NC. I know you said you were but you should continue even if she is looking bothered. She has to fully come back. In person! She has to have the desire to see you and speak with you. You can go through this. If she is showing concern, then you are on her mind. You want to stay that way. NC can go either way but she is still keeping some sort of connection.
tyler123 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 trevster- your post sounds WAY to familiar- me and my lady friend would play words with friends- but only on her terms.. just like everything else. when she calls, texts, plays a word, i would always quickly respond and then she would not answer calls, play a word for days, text back - it was always on her terms- i got a text message from her on sunday night that was quite generic- it was basically a "Hey! been so busy hope all is well with you ttyl." typically i would respond instantly but i made a decision ENOUGH this is not the type of person i want to be with that makes me feel good about being loving. the words with friends is communication and if she would play a word i would not play with her as that will send messages that i am hoping for more and i can tolerate her ILL treatment. I must admit i have checked her email and though i saw nothing- i was mad at myself and still gave me that feeling of remorse and reminded me that i still care and feelings of anger got stronger. I realize that NC means 0 tolerance to finding out things, drive bys, text , etc. not easy but if we truly want to heal NC is the best thing
Author Trevster Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Well i am sticking to my NC we both have been full NC for 12 days but she is the one that is breaking!!! She played with me even though i wanted her to message me or play to show im on her mind and now i know its breaking her... Like even though i have felt i needed tobreak and say something to her im glad i havent... It feels good for her to break to me. I havent given up though i got a day in the futurepicked out to say something to her when im ready to actually see her and ask how things been but right now im not im sticking to NC... I wont give up right now ill continue till she hits me up through a text then i still wont give in not that im playing games with it but im going through heart break and i dont deserve to just jump when said..
Beeotch Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 NC. A little crumb should not derail you from your intended goal. Just let it be and keep doing what you are doing. The only time you break NC is when the other party has something of substance to tell you or give you. Playing some word game on your phone is not worthy enough of putting yourself back at square one. Ditto. It's so interesting how after a break up, the slightest most insignificant things become mountains.
Author Trevster Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Well it all goes into consideration especially since they havent spoke or anyhting to you in awhile so it means something but like yall said its only bread crumb right now... Ill get the loaf and still not freak out..
Author Trevster Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Could this still possibly lead to something I mean I won't break NC bc of it but like n a way it feels like she is trying to stay in contact with me! I'm just lost how she can delete me offfacebook and our pictures but leave me on skype and play a game with me! Don't you think if she was really done she wouldn't do any of that!
tyler123 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 trevster- i think she is scared right now and is not sure which way is up. the truth is all our situations are similiar and we need to remember why we are doing the NC. I know the NC is for me and for me to heal and open the door to a better love . i have a short memory and forget this - the mind plays tricks on me and sometimes i start thinking about how she is interpreting my NC- and my focus shifts subtly to "when is she going to break" - if i am focusing on that i am not feeling the same peace that i get about taking care of myself and the real reason i am doing the NC. I think we all are looking for a HEALTHY relationship with ourselves and not having to worry if we are going to be treated like by our ex's. i want to be strong enough not to settle for someone that can't treat me with the consistent respect. would you allow a friend treat you this way? would you play games with a friends emotions or allow them to be this inconsistent to you? i know i would not but for some reason i allow this with the person i have spent the most time with for the past 4 yrs- what does this say about ME and the relationship? notice how i am trying to focus on me and not on her. when i shift and focus on her motives, actions- i am not recovering i am not feeling the inner peace when i just look at the R and ME.. lets play a game of word with friends i am darkness33
longterm Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I don't know about you Trevester but what Tyler just said was absolutely correct. It probably takes a little time to get to that point but THAT is where we want to be. Not thinking about them, but thinking about ourselves. NC has been a little misunderstood on this forum I think. Many of us are simply doing it to wait and GET our responses. Instead, we should use it on our end to move on with our lives. Very WELL PUT Tyler! I am in NC along with every one else but I'm thinking now that I will work on healing myself. Not wait for my "friend" issue to occur or anything else. My X is actually helping me out with her NC. Even though she broke it with me. She gives ME the NC in order for me to move on. That's the way to look at I think.
tyler123 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 longterm that is great your ex is giving you the NC. i need to be grateful that mine is not texting me or calling me rather than listening to the ego wondering when i will hear from her- it's easy to lose focus but these boards help with my short memory of staying on track... how long have you been on NC?
longterm Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Tyler, I don't want to hijak Trevester's thread but my situation has bee posted on here. I have 2 posts. One about the initial break "too fast too soon" and another about "Comparison" mode. My X has had the NC from the get go. We broke in Feb. She has seen me in person only twice since. There has been plenty of contact. Only until yesterday did I get the honest answers for the break. I knew the answer anyway but it's always good to get it. For us, it was all about what we want. I spoke about everything I wanted in life early on so as NOT to be in this situation. However, my X has kids and I have never been with kids before. It's a whole new ballgame! Kids give her 95% of what she needs. Life itself became difficult and she tossed me knowing that she is NOT on the path to marriage and more kids like I said I was. Therefore, she has tried her best to give me NC as I tried my best to get her. Both of us go NC... this sucks. Therefore now we both are flirting with the idea of "friends". At least it will help take off the pressure but ideally she knows it wont work due to attraction on both ends. Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread. You just brought to my attention of what is really going on here. We both dont want to hurt each other and provide both of us a new future. I can't let go though. Not yet.
Author Trevster Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Well like i know whats best for me I know it is her in some way. The thing is we needed this because we let our relationship take over our friendship... It was dumb because honestly we had the best friendship and relationship for the first year it was awesome... We have worked thriugh alot, everyone assumes on here just because i post something on here... I have been working on myself I know how to be i have been feeling great about myself and my situation i have bettered myself but honestly i use her as motivation. Like working out i want to give up but i think to myself would i give up on this girl that i know is meant for me. Its not like i think about it constant. i love her alot and we both have had strong feelings for each other and deep down it feels she is being controlled by her family because they have that power over her because she is weak minded without me there. Thats why she wouldnt meeet with me at first of the break up because she knew i could explain myself because she told me she was forgiving me before shge went out with her mom and them then she said we needed to talk. In a way i feel like she might be coming out of that and realizing bc every girl is different all feelings are different... NC has helped me see what i need n a relationship and the type of relationship that i really want to have with this particular girl. But im not focusing on her its all helped me see!!!!! I have worked on myself thats how i see everything clearly!!!
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