KathyChan Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Hello everyone, I'm new here. I have to admit, I've never needed to go on a forum for this kind of advice, but anything helps but it's worth a try. It's a long post, but I want to give as much info as possible so I can get the best advice. Ok, my story: I started my first job in September last year after leaving school (I was 18 at this time). I met my ex at work (lets call him O for the sake of this lol), and he was new just like me. There wasn't necessary an immediate attraction, but O made the first move and we became really good friends, as I'm not terribly good at getting to know people. Now I was in a relationship at this time (we will call him J), but this relationship itself was incredibly self destructive. It started off amazingly (my first love) but it then deteriorated, he called me incredibly horrible things, he was controlling, I couldn't see friends or anything like that... It was a situation of wanting me to himself, but if I mentioned another person he'd go berserk... I was feeling down and just not confident in myself so I stayed and put up with things as they were. Anyway, at work I had O. That was lovely, we had everything in common, he was lovely and we were a perfect match. Then the attraction started. I felt guilty because I had a boyfriend but I just couldn't stop this feeling. O knew about this and actually he felt this way too, but in his words he'd never force me to leave. I also want to note I did not cheat on J with O. To fast forward, the feeling was just getting stronger, J was getting ALOT worse and I had to leave. I just couldn't see anything anymore, we would have just destroyed eachother. So not too long after the break up, I got together with O. It was quite sudden but I just followed my heart and did what felt right. Now here I am, months later, because I've been dumped for no other reason than "I do love you, but I have to be fair to you and end this, because I can't love you in the way you want me to, and it hurts". I've been completely taken by surprise, we were literally cuddly and everything the week before and now suddenly he doesn't want this? His friends, our work friends, everyone is just confused why, including myself... Admittedly, I did not take the break up well. I went from crying, to shouting, to getting abusive, just because I was so torn up and confused most of all. I've decided to stay out of his way and no contact him, mainly because I want the next time we talk to be a time where I'm alot more levelled and not liable to shout the odds, which is alot fairer on the both of us. I have really considered my options and I honestly want him back. I really feel there was a connection, plus I felt it was such a sudden reaction, I would have wanted the opportunity to better talk and see how we could solve whatever problem he had, I wanted to show unity. I guess I come here today asking for any suggestions on what I could do at this time, any tips maybe or if this really is something I must move from. How do you all read into the situation? I don't have anything to lose with an attempt to get him back, so I felt it was worth a try... Thanks guys.
Author KathyChan Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Hi again, I've read through the forums and I know you guys are very strict on the "NC" rule, but I broke that today... We work together, didn't speak at work, but then as I was crossing the road on the way back home, I saw him by a bus stop, not his usual. Coincidently I was actually meeting someone at that bus stop, so I needed to be there. Anyway I spoke to him, said hello and all those pleasantries, and just mentioned that there are no hard feelings. I then mentioned how I had to meet someone very soon, and he responded with a "Oh, is this someone I should be concerned about" and I just didn't justify that... Then the bus came and he got on... within a few minutes I got a text saying "For what its worth, thanks for the talk regardless of how brief. Always here if you need to talk again". I haven't responded, I think I need to go back to NC. Can any of you guys read into this? I was plesantly suprised because when I first went NC, I didn't hear anything, but after today that was the first text.
precious1 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Hi there Kathy, I barely reply here on LS, but some cases call out to me (like urs). I completely understand your pain but I also think that at the moment, you should leave things alone. There is no need to reply to the text because you said what you had to say at the bus stop. Keep in mind that no matter how much you may want him back, he isnt on the same page with you right now. Just keep the NC for now, be polite and brief when you do see him at work. If you're connection was strong, he will eventually to reconsider his feelings towards you. And if not, then you should have peace knowing that he did not love you strongly enough to maintain a lifelong relationship...and trust me that is a blessing in disguise at the moment. Keep your chin up girlie...and always try your hardest to maintain a dignified aura about you from now on. I'll be praying for strength for you.
Author KathyChan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Thanks for your reply! NC has been good for me so far. That plus all the great support I have around me has cheered me up completely. I struggled at first but I'm at a point where I can be happy and get on with things, but my mind is still on him... I miss him alot. It doesn't get me upset though. I'm gonna keep pushing NC. Even though we may inevitably see eachother at work, at least I know I can face him with a smile on my face, which I guess can only help my cause. I could always tell he was never playing around with me or anything and it just seems crazy almost that he can go from doing everything to pursue me and involve me in all aspects of his life, to then just saying he doesn't want to be with me. :/ Hmmm. I'll keep positive though!
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