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Never meant to be... going NC forever

weedsandposies

By weedsandposies
in Coping

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weedsandposies Established Member

weedsandposies

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I was strict NC with my ex for almost 10 years, although we live in the same city, we dont run in the same circles so never bumped into each other. Last summer my ex found me at the same time I setup a facebook account. He told me he's been looking for me for a while. Eventually we hooked up.

 

Last night ex got back from a trip and called. Haven't seen ex for 6 weeks, by my choice. Just kept coming up with excuses in an attempt at endings things, for good this time (I tried breaking up with him many times before). Over the course of the R I've come to realize that regardless of anything external, there is no way we can have a real R. We were never meant to be in that way and it's just draining my energy. I ignored but text him to welcome him back this morning. When he called I really didn't want to answer. He pushed me to tell him our R was hurting me. How a recent pregnancy scare and him asking me to abort changed how I was feeling about him, and that basically I felt he had been using me for the past few months. As self-centered as he is didn't even address what I had said, but continued to reprimand me saying what a nice surprise that he had just gotten back and I open this topic and start arguing. But I wasn't, really wanted some kind of explaination, admittance or even a measely apology. Regretably I was toying with the idea of seeing him this week.

 

So ex asked what is it you're getting at, you want to end things? Finally, I was realizing what a cold, harsh person he is, or was he just hurt or feeling rejected? He kept pushing me to answer until I finally just said yes, we need to go back to NC. He didn't say anything just hung up. Then sent me a series of awful texts.

 

I'm not responding, have already blocked him on facebook but haven't deleted contact info, probably won't. I do want to shoot out an email to him sometime soon. Don't know what I'll say yet. Then going strict NC forever. It breaks my heart however if I've learned anything after all this time is we're unable to have a R, and certainly not a friendship. This will be so hard.

Edited by weedsandposies
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