Ayla Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Hello, To cut a very long story short, my ex came over today for coffee. We broke up 8 years ago and we last saw each other 4 years ago...when he told me he loved me more than anything and wished it was me that wascarrying his baby etc (he was not drunk or anything - the baby part is a VERY long story which i won't go into) but circumstances prevented him from contacting me, and the last thing before 3 weeks ago to me was "I love you". Anyway those circumstances have now changed and he got in touch with me 3 weeks ago. Last weekend he asked me if I would like to have a coffee. And that day was today. Unfortunately I was not well, so he came over to my house. We stayed away from talking about our past, and his most recent change of circumstances, but talked about small irrelevant things. He let me do most of the talking by asking about my life and "whats new". I did catch him looking at me quite frequently. To be honest it felt like we saw each other yesterday. I also showed him photos of my recent holiday. it was about an hour after he arrived and he said "Well I better get going". He said that we will catch up again soon, and that now he knew where I lived he could visit whenever he liked and stalk me (jokingly). he gave me a big hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek and left I was worried that i had bored him and that is why he left. I texted him and said "Sorry if you were bored. It was good seeing you. Don't be a stranger. Take care." But go no reply. He has been going through a really tough time both work and personally. I was hoping that this might have been a chance for us to get to know each other again. I am quite confused, and either I did bore him, or he has freaked out from seeing me. This is a guy I have loved for 10 years, and I am worried I ruined it...what do you think?
mustofbeen Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 that text screamed needy. Leave him alone, he might comeback or not, you'll survive ether way
AnonyMOUSE18 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 He probably needs time to process seeing you. I do think the text sounded a bit needy, but don't worry about it because it has already happened. Just try to relax and enjoy yourself, be patient, and give him time and space. You've waited this long, it sounds like! I do know how seeing someone can reactivate all the old feelings, though, and he's probably processing those feelings right now, too. It sounds like his circumstances are complicated. If he is worth his salt, he will reach out to you again or reply eventually. Keep your chin up!! *hugs* -Scraggle18 / Hilarie
Popondetta Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I don't think you could have ruined anything with one text. Your connection definately doesn't sound that fragile to me. Just give him some time, relax and he probably will contact you again. Keep us updated
Author Ayla Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Thanks everyone He has left his wife - who blackmailed him into a relationship 4 years ago. She threatened that he would never see his children. Anyway he finally got the guts up to leave her...which is the reason the we did not peak for 4 years - if she had found out that would have made things so bad for him. So yeah - my gut tells me that seeing me bought back a lot of feelings and emotions, and he just needs to process that. Just the same as I do. I was thinking last night that there were so many things that I wanted to say to him/tell him yesterday...and I was so nervous I didn't get to. He was nervous as well, so I think that made the catch up a little weird. Yeah - I am just going to leave him be, I am sure he will contact me in the next few days.
sonipari Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 but i am talking about a woman who is 50 years old, a complete control freak. This is my fiance’s third marriage, first ex wife mother of his three grown boys and one grown daughter is a delight, we enjoy spending time with her and her husband. She as the first ex wife lived through the wrath of the new crazy wife. Background. fiance as second ex wife have been divorced ten years. The only reason he tolerates her bizzare behavior is b/c they have a 12 year old daughter who we all love and adore. He is a lawyer so you would think he would just go to court and put a stop to her but every lawyer in our small area agrees even a court order prohhibiting her from NOT allowing the child to attend the wedding will not stop her, she WILL take the child away where she cant be found when the wedding day arrives. To avoid public humility & detriment to child we have all tolerated her little tifs but this is major. We planned this very carefully, told the grown kids and my kids we were Fiance wantd to tell his young daughter about the wedding before the, but wanting to do the right thing he made an appointment to see the ex’s shrink (only person ex listens to) shrink said “No, you can;t tell child b4 you tell the mom. Shrink suggested fiance come to a weekly seesion with ex & tell her in front of witess so she cannot make up lies etc. He expected he rto be upset but she went balaistic, through a lamp, pured hot coffee on him. That was a week ago, since we have received hours of phone voice mails vascilating from “you will not marry that wh***: or you wil never see daughter again,” to “O.K i will let you marry her if you agree to have only suervised visitaion when SHE is not there, ” yes, she actually beleives she has to give permission for him to marry. sorry so long. this woman is 50 went to see my 88 year old sick dad, asked him to remove me from his will so her ex wo’t marry me. my dad told her he supports the marriage. Has gone to my boss told stories of false stories of affairs i supposedly had and made drug (false ) accusations. I would not beleive it if reading this, but 3 years ago when he told her we were “serious” she went to 7 memebrs of my family & recorded their conversations. UNDERSTAND, WE KNOW LWGALLY SHE CANNOT STOP THE WEDDING OR HIS 3 NIGHTS PER WEEK WITH CHILD, but child is straight A student and does not need to hear all this and be exposed to this, she (x) now threatning that if we do get married she will tell child every bad thing she knows about ex husband. She has done more background work on me than a trained PI. She scares us, but our ocncern along with whole family is effect on child. As long as my fiace did not ever get serious with a woman she was easy to deal with, but once she lost control she went nuts. we want all of our kids in our wedding but know she will ruin it. do we go away get married & not tell her, (making me miss out the wedding of my dreams we have been planning for a year, ) then she can’t can’t do anything to ruin the wedding but it is my day, our day and i do’t want to have to hide , but i will do what it takes. we could have a reception when get back. FYI, I did nothing to break up their marriage, they divorced 98 i met him in 99 and we became good friends started dating in 04. finace and i are across street neighbors, partners in same law firm, my ex is a lawyer, you would thinnk we ould handle this, but everyone knows she will do what it takes to ruin it or she will hurt the child emotionally. she will attempt to tun child against me but that won’t last. fiance in mid 60’s heart problems, high blood pressure and the stress is killing him. he is religious wants a rabbi ad a jewish ceremony with ALL our kids, sorry this is a novel but we are stuck do we keep planning the wedding or get married without her knowing. i know it sounds simple, jsut go to court have the judge order her to do what is right, she will jsut defy court order and after wedding get a warning t can’t do anything to ruin the wedding but it is my day, our day and i do’t want to have to hide , but i will do what it takes. we could have a reception when get back. FYI, I did nothing to break up their marriage, they divorced 98 i met him in 99 and we became good friends started dating in 04. finace and i are across street neighbors, partners in same law firm, my ex is a lawyer, you would thinnk we ould handle this, but everyone knows she will do what it takes to ruin it or she will hurt the child emotionally. she will attempt to tun child against me but that won’t last. fiance in mid 60’s heart problems, high blood pressure and the stress is killing him. he is religious wants a rabbi ad a jewish ceremony with ALL our kids, sorry this is a novel but we are stuck do we keep planning the wedding or get married without her knowing. i know it sounds simple, jsut go to court have the judge order her to do what is right, she will jsut defy court order and after wedding get a warning t warning to never so that again, she has somehow identified herself as me to caterers, the man who sold fiance my ring etc. she has cancelled the band and photographer we rebooked and all vendors know now who she is and what she is doing. PLEASE HELP, PLEASE SOMEOE, I DON’T WAN’T THE STRESS TO KILL FIANCE, I DON’T WANT TO BE SELFISH AND INSIST ON A WEDDING BUT IF WE GIVE IN SHE CONTINUES TO CONTRIOL US, HELP PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, WE ARE DESPERATE. Anyone who reads all this and offers sincere advice I will read and answer all of your questions you post. thank you thank you so much the support and help has been overwhelming. we know that legally she canot stop him from seeing her, but she will do it anyway. he wat s to avoid the police b/c he does not want the child to have to witness such an event. this is no jab to any religion, but he is jewish and jewish men have a very unusual blood bond ad their children (they will do anything to protect) we have thoguht of changing the date, but in a small town word wil get around. i like th option though, guess we could just say goodbye to the planne wedding with 200 guest and when he has her for a weekend do it then with all our kids then when sunday night arrives, it is over, i just hate the wraththe poor child suffers, i agree he should have custody and i believe once we marry he wil seek it. i guess bottom line is :it would be slefish of me knowing thos womans history to still want MY WEDDIG DAY TO BE MY DAY AS PLANNED” i guess i need to adjust to this and realize that comprimise will start soo i i will give up my fairytale dream wedding with the horse and buggy etc and realize that my fairytale happing ending will still come true, the marrige not th ewedding is my happily ever after. i should foresake my wedding for th egood of OUR FAMILY then when we are married we can have a reception and she will no longer have any say as to whethe ri can be aorunnd the child etc etc. i just hate that she still controls ‘OUR LIVES” his grown kids keep telling us not to chnage it b/c of her but i know he would be happy on our wedding day to be marrying me but i also know a piece of him would be missing that day as he would be sad that every kid between us would be in our wedding except for his little girl
Popondetta Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) @sonipari: I suggest you make a new thread for your case since it's so long and complicated. I also suggest you try and set up the text in a way that is easier to read (Use paragraphs, uppercase in the beginning of a new sentence, bullets and so on). The way it is set up now makes it SO hard to read, and you'll get more feedback if the text is easier to read. Good luck! Edited April 14, 2011 by Popondetta
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