bl2i4n Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Hello LSers first post here! This place is a real stress/pain reliever, appreciate everyone giving advice and asking for some. I will be one of many from here that will ask the wise for advice. Thanks in advance! and here's my dreaded story. Me and her have been dating for almost a year now, both in our early twenties and in college. We still care for each other and have arguments almost weekly now for a month. These arguments have got to be a sign and I'm taking the initiative to research and find out what to do We've also brought up breaking up, taking a break, LC, etc. But we're still together and she just doesn't take what I say seriously or something. Heres the details: We've had one relationship checkup about 2 months ago and we talked about what needs to change about us if we wanted to stay together. Basically she didn't do her part in the past two months and she is still busy and it feels like she's unappreciative of me. To explain this I still believe in chivalry. I do the corniest things to make her smile, laugh, etc. I drive, pay for a majority of things, but all i get in return is "your so sweet" nothing else. It's just these little things she does that make me want to go LC or NC with her. I've asked her to change a couple times now and still have seen no progress. She also does not like to have sex with me, it's always a hardship for me to get into bed. However she was a virgin, but she believes we can have a relationship without sex and she's just not that into it. I really don't know what to say to her about that but I respect her and don't want to force her into doing anything. But I believe it is a problem in our relationship. She's also very passive about our relationship. I don't know how to explain this but she agrees with what I want, everytime. I don't know if it's normal. She never fights for me, shes just like "whatever" not literally, but it seems like she doesn't care really. For example I bring up "maybe we should be friends" and all she does is ask "are you sure" like she agrees with any decision I make and she has nothing to say about it, she always says she doesn't know what to do or say. Other times when we're arguing she asks me what do "I" want to do there's never a time when she knew what to do or what she wanted. It's very shocking to me, which is also why I feel unappreciated. I've talked to her about it a couple times now and am so confused on what to do, she is also super busy and I understand that were both taking a lot of classes, but If she cared as much as I did I would put school aside just for a bit to talk, she really just doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, or how I feel, but I have brought it up numerous times now. I care about her but then again these annoyances have been building up for some time now. We have been together for a year but I am open to ANY advice please, especially on how to explain to her how sex is a driving force in a relationship but she doesnt agree. What should I do? Am I doing something wrong? If you need more details I would be glad to offer more. THANKS LSers!
Mcnulty Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Billy Connolly once said, "the only interesting people are the very rich and the very poor". Hate to say it but it sounds like she has no get up and go and is just blase about everything. You don't sound like you are well matched and you don't sound happy. Do you truly love her and want the relationship to work?
Movingthrough Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 For example I bring up "maybe we should be friends" and all she does is ask "are you sure" like she agrees with any decision I make and she has nothing to say about it She is checking out of the relationship or already has. I know its not the answer anyone would want to hear but when someone answers a question like that, they are done. Think of it like this, you are head over heels for someone, the love is there, and they say "lets just be friends".....ahhhhh what?!? No one is going to say "ok are you sure", thats like saying "finally let me out of here". I'm not saying she hates you or anything like that, its the opposite, thats why she is sticking around, but she could also be postponing the inevitable. Your best bet would be to say that you need a break and move on with your life, if not, you will be back here posting how hurt you are because she walked away. Take control now.
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