pippa02 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Really missing my ex, so much! still cant believe this all happened! Have been broken up for two months now, limited contact. but now I am enforcing no contact, been a week now, he hasn't tried to contact at all yet, will b interesting too see. This is my story, please give any thoughts or advice cheers http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272654/ Finding it very hard too move on!
feelinghopeless Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) hey, i think something very similar happened to me. my ex and i loved each other very much and we also broke up 2 months ago. i'm 24, she's 22, and this all happened within a month of her starting a new job and moving 1/2 way across the country. like other people have said, i think timing/staging is very important. i do feel we were the right people for each other but the timing/staging were awful and also we had other problems as well specifically my ex was a bulimic. she told me something similar to the things your ex told you. she wanted to go off in the world and find herself to learn to love herself before, she loved another person (my ex was bulimic, complicated story) she didn't want to give up too much b/c it might make her bitter/resent me in the future she said missing me every day made life so difficult for her and that LDR was killing her in the end she kept telling me she loved me but that she thought it was best we grew apart independently, till this day i'm still a bit confused/shocked by what happened.... like you, i gave it my all....everything emotionally/mentally..i accepted her for who she was...and she accepted me for who i am...i'm a medical student, and taking time off/energy/etc to try so hard to make this relationship work long distance was my number one priority..even put it above my school work of becoming a doctor....but when she didn't see the things the way i did..when she said career was more important for her at this stage of her life....it broke me apart...i know career is important but i was trying so hard to keep this relationship alive and she seemed to just retract and take a completely passive approach... timing/staging..i don't know what to say...it's hard really really hard....but we have to move on...i worked soo soo hard to get into medical school and it's such a biggg passion for me to become a doctor....and in the midst of all of this, i nearly failed out last semester because of the breakup (i could not get myself to study or care), but this is life you live and learn and you'll get stronger from it. (or at least i hope i will) Edited April 12, 2011 by feelinghopeless
Author pippa02 Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Hey, its kinda nice to know someone is in the same boat huh! I am very sorry to hear about your break up! it sucks doesn't it! we were sooo good together, we both always said. and never fought or anything just best mates! Well done on doing medicine thats awesome! I am completing a teaching degree and am now finding it hard to care, and not wanting to do my work! It's so hard, I keep hoping for a second chance, i know it wont happen for a long time maybe a year. but would love to end up with him! gaaah need to loose all this hope. one thing i know is that I will not initiate contact again, I am not willing to let myself feel more pain when I know hes just texting me back because probably feels bad. I will wait until hopefully one day he will want to contact me because he really wants too. I feel like you and I are definatly in a very similar situation! So do you guys still talk etc? My ex was texting me a few weeks ago saying hope too see you soon, but I dunno I guess he just means that as a friend. I wont be seeing him, will only cause more heartache. Soooo hard. We are now in completly different parts of the country, and he said that he would hate to do long distance and then for things to end horribly, he would rather end ok. and then "you never know whats in front of you" his words.. gaaahh
feelinghopeless Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 we actually agreed upon no contact after breaking up but i broke that rule twice in my attempts to be back with her. the more complete story of my relationship is there... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t273328/ till this day i'm not 100% sure what went on and what is going on in her mind. part of me wants to believe that i'm still the one that she still loves me but wants to try again after she's explored the world, after she's found that meaning in her life, and after she's come to terms with her bulimia... but then the other part of me knows that holding on to hope like that honestly will just bring more disappointment because who knows what will happen in one/two/three years. the day after i broke up, i was so hurt i tried getting back with her and in my desperation i asked if she would wait for me or if she could tell me when she's fallen in love and dating another person. four days later she wrote me an email saying deep down inside she's rooting for us and that her heart is still in this relationship she just really wants to go out and find herself. in all honestly, i think it is true but i have to accept the fact that finding herself means that she may change, and she may very well find another guy whom is more fitting for her. i treated her like a princess b/c i was so afraid of hurting her of her going into binge/purge cycle. our relationship was never really normal in that regards. i still believe i tolerated a lot and also gave a lot and i hope one day she can look back and think or at least appreciate what i've done for her and know that at some point in her life that there was someone out there who was willing to give up everything for her and that ya she's worth it and i hope from that she can find the strength to look at herself in the mirror and be happy for who she is and end all of her struggles with food.... in my opinion, what we should do is to move on with our lives. should they contact us, i really do think we should keep a purely platonic relationship and stop there. until they are ready, and until we are ready and who knows if we will be, we may change as well...give it some time and in a year or two if it's meant to be you'll come together again. let this time one or two yrs be a cool off period. for the first month it was soo painful because i thought if i didn't have her my life is incomplete and that i can never love someone to that extent/or the same way again....you'll start to see when you distance yourself from him that that may not be true and that you have quite a bit of exploring to do yourself too. my point is that getting back in the short term, meaning a few months after a relationship ending will not work out b/c both will still be riding on the same assumptions, same problems, same mentality as before...the only way to be together again is to let time heal the wounds and to start over again if faith brings you two together again....i know it is possible because i've had friends who got with their exes after one or two yr separation and one is actually getting married...but you have to allow that time in between for him and yourself to grow... i'm not expecting anything and i think that's the most healthy way to go about it....i may resume contact with her because she is a great friend and a great person regardless of what happened, and i do believe that exes can be friends....i'm still hurting but i'm trying to tell myself to relinquish control of the situation...we're hurting so much because we want them so bad....we want things to turn out a certain way.......relinquish that desire and just let things be and see where life takes you two....it's much easier said than done..i'm struggling with that as of right now too...
Author pippa02 Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 It sounds as though you have been a very lovely and caring boyfriend, and she certainly realises that! I guess its hard being together from young, I mean we were together since 17 and if we had stayed together for life, we really wouldn't of experienced all that life had too offer. Just sucks when your first love, is someone you know you could be with forever! You seem too be doing well though, I find I am doing well then some days just feel awful. I definatly agree that for anything to ever work again for both your and my situations it would have to be time apart for at least a year or two, i guess though by that time you and I could have moved on and even if they did come back we may not feel the same at all anyway. I think No Contact is definatly the way too go and I think my ex will get a bit of a shock when he realises I will not contact him anymore.. especially I will not initiate first contact! I guess it is true that if something is really ment too be then it will work out in the future, I mean people break up everyday and move on from it! We will be fine, but I guess it will just take more time! we need to focus on our studies and make sure we finish our degrees.
Recommended Posts