Ross MwcFan Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Are there ones that do that without making you fat though? The two have always been linked, in my experience. I'm not sure.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Maybe I'm just showing my loser attitude again, but I don't know if this would really apply to online dating or not. When you meet someone and date in the real world, you already basically know you're physically attracted to the person before you start dating. Online you have pictures and stuff, but it's still basically impossible to tell what's going to happen when you actually see someone until that happens. Oh, OK. Yeah, I've never done online dating, but I can imagine that meeting someone who is essentially a stranger is different. In that case, I would say that if you're getting good vibes from the date -- good conversation, she's smiling and laughing, good eye contact -- THEN try some simple touching. Like, you're sitting at the bar, and you touch her forearm with yours as you're saying something. Offer your hand as you're crossing the street. That kind of thing. Even if she is not receptive to it, or she doesn't want another date, you need to just let it go and move on. Like everybody else, you will experience rejections and failures to launch in your dating life. That's just part of the deal. You might fall short 2 dozen times before you meet someone you click with. But just keep going. You're not going to get to the success until you've mucked through a few failures. You can do it!
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Wow. I really think this changes my whole outlook on things. I've never gone on a date where I did touch the girl...despite wanting to. To me, a date without touching is like going out with a friend. Just try it. If she doesn't like it, you'll know she's not interested, and you can stop wasting your time going on dates with her, and go on dates with someone else.
Author Red Arremer Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Oh, OK. Yeah, I've never done online dating, but I can imagine that meeting someone who is essentially a stranger is different. In that case, I would say that if you're getting good vibes from the date -- good conversation, she's smiling and laughing, good eye contact -- THEN try some simple touching. Like, you're sitting at the bar, and you touch her forearm with yours as you're saying something. Offer your hand as you're crossing the street. That kind of thing. Even if she is not receptive to it, or she doesn't want another date, you need to just let it go and move on. Like everybody else, you will experience rejections and failures to launch in your dating life. That's just part of the deal. You might fall short 2 dozen times before you meet someone you click with. But just keep going. You're not going to get to the success until you've mucked through a few failures. You can do it! Maybe it's just the way I present myself or the kind of first impression I give off, but I VERY rarely get "good vibes" from someone on a date. I'm assuming it's something I'm doing since I'm the only constant here, but danged if I know. And I agree with you that I need to just move on from failures and keep at it, but it is extremely frustrating to deal with failure after failure when you've really never experienced success. That's not just for dating, I'm a huge perfectionist and I don't really enjoy doing anything I'm not good at. Le sigh...
Ruby Slippers Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Maybe it's just the way I present myself or the kind of first impression I give off, but I VERY rarely get "good vibes" from someone on a date. I'm assuming it's something I'm doing since I'm the only constant here, but danged if I know. And I agree with you that I need to just move on from failures and keep at it, but it is extremely frustrating to deal with failure after failure when you've really never experienced success. That's not just for dating, I'm a huge perfectionist and I don't really enjoy doing anything I'm not good at. Le sigh... It would be nice if you could go on practice dates with a female friend. I guess that could be weird, though. You've given me a great business idea, though: dating coaching by women for men. Dating boot camp for shy guys. No sex. Nothing sleazy. Just helping you practice so you can go out there into the ring armed with some dating SKILLZ.
Author Red Arremer Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 At this point I do think I need to seek out and date a few "practice girls" just to get my confidence up. I feel kind of like a pig putting it like that, but at this point I feel like I need some momentum in my favor, ANY momentum, and if that's how I have to get it then so be it. Of course I've lowered my standards quite a bit already (which still doesn't seem to be helping) and I'm not sure just how low exactly I'm comfortable making them. Internal conflicts yay!
Author Red Arremer Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Yeah so update: I went through a few weeks where this didn't bug me so much, probably because I was too busy with work to think about it, but now work is sort of starting to let up and this is coming back in effing spades. I feel like I've REALLY lowered my standards on the dating sites I normally use and still no luck. I'm really struggling to figure out what I should do next. At this point I am seriously considering Craigslist, if that gives you a picture of where I am with this right now. Sigh...
Els Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 If it is affecting you that badly and masturbation isn't helping, well.. this is just my opinion but I don't think visiting prostitutes is all that bad an option if you're single. Go to a clean, legal place where they test the girls (you do have legal places where you live, I hope?), and wear a condom. Then you can at least get it out of your system and not get desperate with other women, which WILL affect your chances negatively. DON'T try to hook up with a girl just to use her as a 'practice girl'. It's an ultimate jerk move and she'll get hurt. Unless you tell her up-front. But if you can get a girl to agree to 'no strings attached sex' with you, I don't see why you couldn't get sex the normal dating way instead.
sagetalk Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I don't mean to sound like I'm a complete idiot. But is this really true? And I confess to being one of those people with "a loser attitude". No touching = Friend zone. Welcome to reality. If you just now figured that out, I'm 100% you're going to be a heck of a lot more successful now.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Don't see a hooker. If what you want is love, you're not going to get that from a hooker. However, if you want something more than masturbation, and don't want a relationship, then a prostitute is a perfect fit. I am also approaching 29, but haven't done any of that; haven't even kissed a girl yet. So you're much more experienced than I am. And yeah, the majority of women hate male virgins, or male inexperience. That's why you should lie, lie, lie!
Author Red Arremer Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Go to a clean, legal place where they test the girls (you do have legal places where you live, I hope?) Hahahahaha. Go America! DON'T try to hook up with a girl just to use her as a 'practice girl'. It's an ultimate jerk move and she'll get hurt. Unless you tell her up-front. But if you can get a girl to agree to 'no strings attached sex' with you, I don't see why you couldn't get sex the normal dating way instead. Fair enough. Although I'm having zero success with dating of any kind at the moment so this is sort of a moot point.
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