LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I have finally come to the conclusion of these things: Dating Leagues existWomen aren't shallow #1: Dating leagues exist, but only between individuals. If someone likes fat men, or fat women, and they're skinny and pretty, then someone who's fat and is their preference would be their preference. Same with the other way around. People are individuals, and therefore you can't say "all women do this" or "all women do that", because someone might be chubby and average looking, and paired with someone of similar attractiveness, or they might date someone who's much more good looking than they are. #2: Because of this, women aren't shallow. It's not shallow to only date a certain type. If someone is overweight, and they demand a skinny person, it's not shallow that they go after only that type primarily. What would be shallow is if they didn't date people that weren't their type, because they're so focused on people that are harder to obtain, but that doesn't really make them shallow, either. Maybe a bit crazy! But not shallow. Having a dating type doesn't make you shallow. I know it's crazy for a 45 year old to go after 20 year olds...but who knows? He might snag one. Maybe he's making things rougher for himself, but there are women in the same position who refuse to settle (they're called cougars), and not all of them are attractive, either. Bottom line is, people are people. If they want to be picky, let them be it. They might find someone who fits their narrow view of what they're looking for - or they might not. As the saying goes, let them dig their own grave. Or perhaps they'll be digging a flower garden, which will blossom wonderfully.
betterdeal Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 In Italy, an older woman who takes a younger lover is known as a "Learning ship". I like the Catholic nations' approach to these things. The Protestant absolutist approach is so, well, dull.
somedude81 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Nope, not going to convince me with that argument. Beyond a shadow of a doubt women are very shallow. Too many average girls only want to date men who they consider to be very high value. Men usually date down and women date up. This may change when a woman gets older and realizes that Mr. Badboy-hotshot might not be the best father and lowers her standards to find a guy who is. The only possible way I can be convinced that women aren't shallow is if an average or higher girl will get in a relationship with me or an FWB thing. I got a feeling that I'll be sleeping in a shallow grave long before that happens.
utterer of lies Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 The only possible way I can be convinced that women aren't shallow is if an average or higher girl will get in a relationship with me or an FWB thing. So you want a woman to choose you for a superficial physical relationship for your mind?
Eeyore79 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I am absolutely convinced that dating leagues exist; some people are just more attractive than others. Having said that, people do have individual preferences which might not strictly be within their dating league. It's ok to have preferences that are below your dating league (those people will happily date you), but if you have preferences that are above your dating league you might be condemned to a life of loneliness, unless you're lucky enough to connect with one of those higher league people who has lower league preferences.
Eclypse Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Of course women are shallow! And so are men. I freely admit to pursuing only girls I find hot, and rejecting those I didn't. Sure it meant a slightly longer wait / harder road but it's worth it in the pursuit of happiness.
Leeway Harris Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I wish I knew what league I was in. This is the thing, right here. I wish there were a test I could take. Something that would tell me "On a scale of 1 to 100, you're a x." Or even "You're a zero, the bottom of the scale. There's nobody lower than you, so you should just enter the monastery now." At least I would know, and not have to torture myself forever wondering if that's the case!
zengirl Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 To me, "Shallow" gives the idea of a lack of depth, barely scratching the surface, caring about only a few (perhaps wrong) things. Certainly, wanting someone you find sexy is not shallow, if you also want a myriad of other things that makes the person right for you. We all deserve to feel strongly attracted to our partners. However, not dating someone because your best friend doesn't think he's hot when YOU think he's sexy . . . . that would be shallow. And stupid. And it wouldn't make you happy. Of course looks matter in dating. Of course it's individual and different people look for different things. Shallow would be only going by looks and not by other factors. The notion that anyone could be happy dating someone they had no physical desire for just because that person is nice, compatible in other ways, etc, is silly. That's what I call a friendship. Romantic and physical desire need to be present, chemistry needs to be there, our biological pheremone signatures need to like up and produce that zazazazoom, and I need to think he's sexy. He also has to be a lot of other things that add depth and shading to the relatonship. Shallow is just looking for a type for the sake of its type rather than assessing each person as a human being.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 This is the thing, right here. I wish there were a test I could take. Something that would tell me "On a scale of 1 to 100, you're a x." Or even "You're a zero, the bottom of the scale. There's nobody lower than you, so you should just enter the monastery now." At least I would know, and not have to torture myself forever wondering if that's the case! I agree with this. It's so frustrating not knowing if I'm compatible with a girl.
Leeway Harris Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I agree with this. It's so frustrating not knowing if I'm compatible with a girl. Yes, or even "All women you are attracted to are in a higher league than yourself." If that could be demonstrated objectively, at least the pressure would be off!
johan Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I wish I knew what league I was in. You choose your league.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 However, not dating someone because your best friend doesn't think he's hot when YOU think he's sexy . . . . that would be shallow. And stupid. And it wouldn't make you happy. I was beginning to think that I was the only one who noticed that women, especially young or immature women do that. Here is an example of what Zengirl mentioned here, and what I think is really shallow. I was sitting in the student center reading the comments on my thesis when I overheard a conversation between a group of sorority girls. They were cute and all but the utter vacuousness of their conversation held little interest for me, until this exchange. Girl one: So my boyfriend is from elsalvador and I really like his accent and etc etc blah blah blah. She then pauses and looks around waiting for the verdict of the other girls. With a glare on her face. Table: Oh that sounds so cute. I would love to date a guy like him. With the approval of the girls at the table she now is able to breath easy. I wonder what would have happened if the rest of the girls had said negative things about the man she described? Would she have dumped him by text right from the table or would she have defended him? I don't wonder I am pretty certain she would have dumped him. People who are shallow about dating are probably shallow about other things too. _________________ More generally while not dating someone you simply aren't attracted to is not shallow. Dating someone just because of their looks is shallow.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 This is the thing, right here. I wish there were a test I could take. Something that would tell me "On a scale of 1 to 100, you're a x." Or even "You're a zero, the bottom of the scale. There's nobody lower than you, so you should just enter the monastery now." At least I would know, and not have to torture myself forever wondering if that's the case! Exactly. When you have no experience with women being interested in you, you don't even know what type of girls to go for that you'd most likely have the best luck with.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) You choose your league. It's not something you can choose. Unless, You're considering plastic surgery as an option. You knew you could somehow make your status go right up, and it'd be obvious to everyone. You could make yourself become much more of an alpha male, and this would need to be pretty obvious to other people too. Edited April 12, 2011 by Ross MwcFan
Mrlonelyone Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Exactly. When you have no experience with women being interested in you, you don't even know what type of girls to go for that you'd most likely have the best luck with. Ross the thing is there is an equal probability that any given woman will go for any given man when you have no information about the woman. So all you should do is ask out whatever women interest you and they will either say yes or no. Then when they say no just bounce on to the next woman. Repeat until one says yes. That's really all there is too it. As you date though... you will find that what interest you and what kinds of women you can stand being with becomes a smaller and smaller pool. Then one day you have the problem I do... Finding someone who's interesting to me, interested in the same kind of relationship that I am, and available for said relationship.
zengirl Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I was beginning to think that I was the only one who noticed that women, especially young or immature women do that. Eh, sometimes men do it too. A lot of people fall into the trap of thinking they want something other than they do just because society/friends/whatever has conditioned them that way.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I don't know. Men once they are physically attracted to someone that's it for them. Social approval matters a bit less. It matters but not as much. The opinion of a mans mother and father will matter for sure. Where as for some women it seems to matter MORE than even their own physical attraction. What their mother, aunt, friends, passersby on the street... think of their mate matters more than weather or not their mate is a attractive person of good character.
Leeway Harris Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 You choose your league. This is nonsense. If it were true, everyone would choose the best league and be done with it.
Disillusioned Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I'm satisfied not being in any league and that's the way I want to keep it. I'm ok with being myself because the me-too act just doesn't work for me.
zengirl Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I don't know. Men once they are physically attracted to someone that's it for them. Social approval matters a bit less. It matters but not as much. The opinion of a mans mother and father will matter for sure. Where as for some women it seems to matter MORE than even their own physical attraction. What their mother, aunt, friends, passersby on the street... think of their mate matters more than weather or not their mate is a attractive person of good character. I think for many people their "idea" physical attraction is formed by social approval. Men may not seek social approval in the same manner (they may not discuss it as much, as studies show men discuss less personal things with their friends than women), but there are plenty who care what a girl looks like on their arm.
Sivok Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 There are leagues, but they tend to be social leagues - not attraction leagues. Women are generally attracted to the more dominant and socially superior male ( a la 'confidence). No, I'm not saying if you're morbidly obese and sporting an osama beard you'll always get hot women, but what I am saying is looks moreso psych us out more than anything else (speaking from a male point of view). Build her comfort lvls, make her laugh, and have some flirtatious fun. Acting confident in the process will make up massively for a possible lack of looks
johan Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 You do choose your league. Don't argue with me. You sad sacks have no idea how impressive you could be to a woman if you simply felt good enough about yourself to really be yourself or to even smile at her.
Leeway Harris Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 You do choose your league. Don't argue with me. Or what? You'll beat me up? You sad sacks have no idea how impressive you could be to a woman if you simply felt good enough about yourself to really be yourself or to even smile at her. So, you don't have issues of self-worth to deal with. Congratulations. Some of us do. If that makes us "sad sacks" then I guess that's what you can call us.
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