TheGrimSweeper Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I need some insight on what to do here. We broke up almost 4.5 months ago. She did it (second time shes ended it, first one after a year and 4 months for almost same sreason), her parents were separating and she was in pretty bad depression about it. Saying stuff like she loves me and would always love me, can see us in the future but not now just needs to get over her parents, wasn't ready for this etc. Begged me to stay friends for now but I said no. Ive since learned she has serious commitment issues because her parents almost separated when she was 5 and she thinks every relationship is doomed to fail. She has been going to a therapist for it. Anyway roughly a month ago she randomly messaged me asking how I was doing, and it kept going from there. I played it cool the whole time. We went out grocery shopping a couple times, kept it light then she asked me a couple weeks ago to watch a movie at her place. We watched it in her bed on her laptop, she was being very cute/kinda flirty the whole time. Almost felt like we were dating again. Then towards the end she throws out the line "can we just hang out as friends" to which I said "you know the answer to that". She got pretty upset I could tell and kinda quiet after. I left about 15 minutes later and before I walked out told her "You know why we cant be friends right?". To which she nodded with tears running down her face. Afterwards she texted me saying she doesn't know what to do, and she hates being like this and doesn't understand how I could walk away so easily when shes in so much pain (selfish). I told her I never walked away from her she did from me when she ended it as I was willing to be there for her through it all. Fast forward 2 weeks later, shes sent me a couple msgs since but I didn't really respond. Today she asks to go for coffee next week. Do I need to tell her why we cant be friends again? Ive played it very cool the whole time never stating i still have feelings, but at the same time I'm not going to be friendzoned. Not sure how to respond to this one.
Hules Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) I need some insight on what to do here. We broke up almost 4.5 months ago. She did it (second time shes ended it, first one after a year and 4 months for almost same sreason), her parents were separating and she was in pretty bad depression about it. Saying stuff like she loves me and would always love me, can see us in the future but not now just needs to get over her parents, wasn't ready for this etc. Begged me to stay friends for now but I said no. Ive since learned she has serious commitment issues because her parents almost separated when she was 5 and she thinks every relationship is doomed to fail. She has been going to a therapist for it. Anyway roughly a month ago she randomly messaged me asking how I was doing, and it kept going from there. I played it cool the whole time. We went out grocery shopping a couple times, kept it light then she asked me a couple weeks ago to watch a movie at her place. We watched it in her bed on her laptop, she was being very cute/kinda flirty the whole time. Almost felt like we were dating again. Then towards the end she throws out the line "can we just hang out as friends" to which I said "you know the answer to that". She got pretty upset I could tell and kinda quiet after. I left about 15 minutes later and before I walked out told her "You know why we cant be friends right?". To which she nodded with tears running down her face. Afterwards she texted me saying she doesn't know what to do, and she hates being like this and doesn't understand how I could walk away so easily when shes in so much pain (selfish). I told her I never walked away from her she did from me when she ended it as I was willing to be there for her through it all. Fast forward 2 weeks later, shes sent me a couple msgs since but I didn't really respond. Today she asks to go for coffee next week. Do I need to tell her why we cant be friends again? Ive played it very cool the whole time never stating i still have feelings, but at the same time I'm not going to be friendzoned. Not sure how to respond to this one. You have already told her you can't be her friend. She is not respecting your boundaries. Don't feel bad about it mate, just remember she was the one that dumped you (two times), you don't owe her friendship. I would honestly not reply to any more of her messages and go NC she will get the message. I know its not easy but it obviously causing you pain been in contact with her yes? Wish you luck man, its never easy letting go but it is the path to recovery. Edited April 12, 2011 by Hules
Eddie Edirol Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Every time she texts you, send her this message "you know why we cant be friends, right?" Dont say anything else, just that. If she wants to be more, she'll say so. But if she isnt attracted to you anymore, then you really should cut her off.
betterdeal Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Change your phone number if you don't want to communicate with her.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 But if she isnt attracted to you anymore, then you really should cut her off. Thats the thing I dont know. When we watched the movie she kinda seemed like she still is and she sure is putting a lot of effort into trying to just "be friends".
betterdeal Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Maybe you're too intense when you see yourself as being in a relationship, and she likes you when you're not intense, but friendly, loving, fun, sexy?
Eddie Edirol Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Thats the thing I dont know. When we watched the movie she kinda seemed like she still is and she sure is putting a lot of effort into trying to just "be friends". She enjoys the friend time, but if she didnt make a move, and niether did you, then you wont know. Just let her keep trying and give her that message. You either have to tell her straight up what you want or you have to stop waiting for her to tell you it aint happinin.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Maybe you're too intense when you see yourself as being in a relationship, and she likes you when you're not intense, but friendly, loving, fun, sexy? Naw its not that I've always been laid back and easy going. I ended up not saying anything back just leaving it. I figure that will get the point across in itself that I don't want to just be friends.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Well I didn't respond and now got back this message today. "I guess thats a no. I think if you still have feelings for me we should talk."
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