SerenaG Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 The coworker ex has come up a few times on this forum and I'm embarrassed to say it is still an issue for me almost eight months out of a six month relationship with said coworker. I've done consensual NC, multiple forms of LC, cordial work-related corresponding, friendly banter, hanging out as friends, brief flirting (though pretty minimal) and now currently we are in icy silence. This current silent stage was brought about by the recent foolish attempt at the friend thing. He disappointed me, I got passive aggressively annoyed and he went into retreat. I have to say I hate this more than any of the other communication stages. I feel nauseous and just plain sad. While we are both professional and don't let this really effect our work it is still an aspect of my day. Luckily we don't have daily contact at work but we do have projects that intersect. I really would like to get back to the cordial work relationship but I'm not sure how or if that will just start the cycle over again. This is a good professional job for both of us so I don't see either of us leaving any time soon. I'm definitely doing much better than during the initial breakup but I would love to stop the emotional roller coaster and just get on with my life. Argh - bad day.
focus2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I understand where you're coming from. I'll never date a co-worker again. I see my ex on a daily basis and the rollercoaster you talk about is all too familiar. One day he's very talkative and interested in what's going on with me and the next day he's cold, distant, and the only response I can get is a grunt. On some level I think I still get to him because I'm the only one he does that too, but who knows. The only advice I can give you is what its taken me a while to realize. I gave him way to much control over my mood and happiness while at work. Then one day I realized, he has no idea, and most likely doesn't care, how his changes in attitudes affects me. So guess what.....I stopped caring. I do me everyday in everyway now. I don't try to conversate with him, but I'm friendly when the situation calls for it. He does not get anymore of me than I'm willing to give him anymore. Find a way to live your life and be happy at work. Either he can get with the program or sit back and watch with envy!
Author SerenaG Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I know you're right. I hate giving up control of my moods - that should have ended with the break-up. Will make an effort to remind myself of this when I start to spiral down. Amen on never dating a co-worker again. It's ridiculous how that fact has prolonged what should have been a blip on the dating radar.
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