radiodarcy Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) The questions that I had at the beginning, I will never get the answers. I probably don't want the answers even if I could have them. I don't have to like it, but I do have to live with the results. I am committed to healing so I can be ready for the next great romantic opportunity that presents itself." hi GreenPolicy. i joined LS around the same time you did and have been following your story and recover. i am glad to see you're better now than you were before. i think no matter what stages we're at in our recovery there will always be loose ends; things that only we can resolve for ourselves - - or things that may never be resolved. my "ex" wasn't even my ex. he and i had been friends and co-workers for years. he had been attracted to me for some time but i always wanted to keep it at friends only. as i have a strict policy against dating friends as well as co-workers. anyway, he wore me down. like your ex, he came on strong. he would ask me to hangout every weekend; text/IM/call me often. it was a little overwhelming and i told him as much but i wound up falling for him. after two months of this; he all of a sudden just - - stopped. i asked him about it and he explained that he suffers from depression and that he had gotten tired of being dependent on his meds and went off of them. he wound up going back on his medication but things were never the same after that. he continued to contact me via text/IM. but the only time we got together was to have sex. this lasted off and on for two and a half years. i knew i should have backed out long before that. but i was in my early 30's and a late bloomer. he was my first everything. and i had a hard time believing that someone i considered a friend would use me. but use me he did. even though he got upset when i accused him of doing so (well, the truth hurts). eventually he cut off the benefits part and said he wanted to be friends. saying that i deserved a relationship and that he couldn't give that to me as he wasn't in a place where he could do that. and then what does he do two months later? casually mentioned that he wants a gf and sets up a profile in several internet dating sites and iphone apps. this led to a huge argument; he sent me a very angry email telling me to move on and i went NC for close to three months. he sent me breadcrumbs throughout those three months. and against my better judgment i thought i had healed enough and could handle being back in contact with him. that lasted all of abt three weeks. i didn't realize it but he was still looking for "the one" as he didn't really saying much about it until after a few weeks of us being in contact. i tried to play it cool and be friendly and encouraging. but when he started forwarding me profiles of women who had hit him up and would tell me when he had a date lined up and how it went i knew i was going to have to go back to NC. the way i saw it i could either stay friend-zoned and eventually be thrown overboard when he did find someone else. or i could retain what was left of my dignity and jump ship. needless to say i did the latter. this time i let him know i was going NC and why - - which is probably why i havent gotten any breadcrumbs from him. in some ways it's helped. the healing seems to be going faster. over the years, i sent him countless e-mails asking him why he wouldn't give me a chance. but i never got much in the way of any answer. and i've long since giving up on asking him for one. because as you said - - the answers they give us don't matter. all that matters is where we are in our lives and our healing. which is why i've given up on asking him for any more answers. it really hurts when you love someone and they don't love you back. and it hurts even more to see him move on with someone else while i can't seem to do the same. it's frustrating because i do get lonely. but i know that jumping into bed with some random guy isn't the answer and will most likely make me feel *worse*. because i know i'd be doing it for the wrong reasons. i really do want to move on but i understand that that's going to take time and that there are going to be set backs. while i'm proud of my 5 weeks NC, i think the reason NC can be so hard is because as much as they say that time is the biggest healer - - the longer it continues to pass with no word from him, the more final things feel. it's like driving that final nail into the coffin very verrry sloooooowly.... anyway - - sorry this turned out to be so long. i appreciate your posts and have learned a great deal from your reading about your take on your experiences. Edited April 18, 2011 by radiodarcy
RDawg Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 One year since the break up for me. And several months since I have been on this site. I was as big a mess as any of you, spewing, fixated, borderline alcoholic. I hated it when the old dogs said crap like time will heal move on go strict no contact. I am back here to tell anyone who reads this: in my case everything they said was true. Once I pulled myself together my life blossomed. Three months ago someone new came into my life and I am as happy now as one can get. Life is not playing a trick on you folks, if you were meant to be with that person, you would still be with them. I raise my glass to all on this site, to this crazy, unpredictable and beautiful thing called love. Cheers!
J0N Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Well here I am a (as of today, proud member of the 6 months of NC club). I have been pining alot lately, but I know she just wasn't for me. Alot of things are pretty uncertain at the moment, but I feel like I might be on the verge of something big. Who knows
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