ViolaSwamp Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 My boyfriend of 8 months recently cheated on me. (has been since day one). He cheated on his ex with me (lied that they were together, but now I realize they WERE together) and cheated on me with this girl. Additionally, he cheated on her with me, I doubt she knows about me. Im sure hell cheat on her with someone else, and so on and so on… What I cant seem to get past is the lying and betrayal. There were some subtle signs now that I look back, but the entire time, this guy was telling me I want to marry you, meet my mom, meet my kids. He was on the road a lot for work and I even suggested an open relationship, but he said he didn’t want to be with anyone else because he couldn’t stand the idea of us being with other people, so we made it “official”. Now I realize that hes been seeing this girl behind my back the entire time (He said the pictures of them were taken a long time ago and that they were just friends)…I believed him. He recently flew out to see this girl on his time off and lied to me about it..I caught him. That being said I broke up with him and cut off contact completely because I will not abide a cheater or a liar. I feel so betrayed and was so in love with this guy. I know Im better off. He has a lot of problems. But why on earth do cheaters keep multiple women around telling them lies and being affectionate with them. In my book it goes beyond cheating and borders on a sickness that you have to purposely play with peoples emotions for your own sick benefit. I don’t get it. If you want other women then stop having sex with me 4 times a day and treating me like a princess when Im with you, only to do the same to another girl when you are away. Does anyone have any advice on how to get past the anger I have for him? Not gonna lie, I kind of want to cut his balls off. Im pretty intelligent and I know how pretty I am, but was completely blindsided by this because of all the lies he was telling me and how he treated me when we were together. All I see is myself in so much pain and dealing with the betrayal, while he goes out with his other women enjoying his rock star life. Will he ever learn? Im praying for swift karmic return, but I don’t see him ever caring about what hes done.] As a side note, when I accused him and finally dumped him, he never even dignified me with a response! He still hasn’t! [ No matter what Im not looking back. I just wanted to post my story.
stace79 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 That is really awful and I'm sorry that you're hurting. First though, good for you for ending it and not talking to him! It is hard to do that even when you know someone is bad for you. It will not be easy, but until you are able to process and get through your anger and hurt, he will still have control over you, and you don't want that do you? The best revenge is to live happily. Don't let him hold power over you forever. A little while is understandable; it will take some time to get past this. Maybe you should talk to a counselor short term? At least, when you get angry or sad, let yourself scream into a pillow or journal all your angry thoughts or let yourself cry. But try to surround yourself with positive people who care about you and will help take your mind off it some times.
tinyguy Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 First, you should not overly 'get over' your anger. Your angry for a reason. You just need to use the anger, but not do anything violent. The best thing to do is remember. What did he do and say, what was a lie, and maybe most of all what red flags did you see that you let him explain away or worse, you just ignored. And don't let that happen again. No, he will never learn and will never care, after all everything mostly worked out good for him. And karma is a nice idea, but it's not real. Cheaters keep many women around, mostly as they can...but it's also fun for them. It's a great power boost for a jerk to lie to someone and for that person to believe the lie hook, line and sinker(and rod, and chair and tackle box and boat)
Author ViolaSwamp Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Thanks for the words of encouragement, This is a very fresh wound and Im obviously very upset about it still. Its just frustrating to think that this guy is going to get away with this and do it to so many more women. Who winds up hurt here? All of the women he uses, not him.. He jut jumps into the arms of his new girlfriend and doesnt blink an eye. The only thing getting me through is knowing that maybe one day he'll wake up and realize all of the pain and hurt he caused and realize that at the end of his life the only thing hell be remembered for is being a worthless, pathetic piece of garbage. This helps release the anger a bit, because I should really feel sorry for him. Its just upsetting to think that this guy may never get what he deserves, and may go through life hurting people and causing so much pain, getting way with it. So frustrating!
Bittersweet_Love Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 He will pay eventually...what goes around comes around. I firmly believe that.
Memphis Raines Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Not gonna lie, I kind of want to cut his balls off. if you really want to cut his balls off, figuratively speaking, then dump him when out with a group of people. make it known he is a lying, cheating sack of crap, and that you are ready to move on to better men.
g450 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 So you were the Other Woman and now he is cheating on you with his X? Wow! Talk about Karma. Who would have thought that could have happened?
Professor X Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 My boyfriend of 8 months recently cheated on me. (has been since day one). He cheated on his ex with me (lied that they were together, but now I realize they WERE together) and cheated on me with this girl. In my book it goes beyond cheating and borders on a sickness that you have to purposely play with peoples emotions for your own sick benefit. Im praying for swift karmic return, but I don’t see him ever caring about what hes done.] Faith, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.
Author ViolaSwamp Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 No G450, he didnt cheat on me with his Ex. He cheated on his ex with me (I had no idea they were together -I found out after the fact because he said they were "just friends" and not together, and they were according to everyone else "not together" SO I truly didnt know.) In hindsignt I now now that they WERE together. Then he cheated on me with some other girl, who I guess he has been cheating on me with for months because its been less than a month and they are in a relationship now. Are you implying this is my karma? because if so I think thats a little rude and obnoxious, when this was someone who completely fooled me and lied from the very beginning. Yeah I guess I deserved it for being fooled and lied to huh? Wow rude.
Kelemort Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 The first thing to realize is this: It has NOTHING to do with you. Nothing. It's not because you weren't good enough, pretty enough, etc.; it had everything to do with his sexual narcissism and his need to be loved by multiple women. In that way, they became objects to fill a need of his. How long ago did this happen again - or end? It's normal to be having feelings like that in the first few months and sometimes the first several months. Eventually, I think that pain and anger will fade into ambivalence. It did for me. But I think that learning it isn't you, but him, is probably the best bet you have in calming down.
jenniferhush Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I'm a firm believe in what comes around goes around. I'm sorry your so hurt.
Anna86 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Hey, that is a heartbreaking story. I 'm not sure why men do that! I mean, yes get with multiple women, but don't string me along and lie!! I know what you mean about 'rockstar life'....My ex decided to become a 'rockstar' pretty much over night. He was never like that with me, but its no coincidence that he broke up with me and then joined 4 bands! I think men like that are so shallow and vain. They know women will flock to them and they love it. It is such a huge ego boost for them. I am sure you are more beautiful than any of these women! In fact, you could be the most attractive woman on earth. This won't stop scum like your ex straying. They do it for ego, not because they are 'in love' with all these women. Its nothing you did wrong, he would have done it to anyone...he will do it to everyone pretty much. My granny told me an interesting story. She told me she fell in love with a man. He was wonderful. Everything you could want in a man- kind, wealthy, successful. He adored her and asked her to marry him. She said yes. Then, before the wedding she found out he was cheating on her so she called it off. He begged her not to. Anyway, later she got married to my fantastic grandfather and has a happy life. She told me that her first love got married, cheated on his wife multiple times. Now, he is divorced, and with a woman half his age! I guess all the attention he got from multiple women was never enough, he always wanted more. Some people are like that.
Memphis Raines Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 So you were the Other Woman and now he is cheating on you with his X? I don't think she knew she was the OW until after they were together and in a relationship
Author ViolaSwamp Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 I know it had nothing to do with me. I was way above him. intellectually, emotionally, physically there's no comparison, spiritually etc. Im not even mad. His new girlfriend can have him.. because honestly he already cheated on her...with me, because I was still with him while he started dating her and i didnt know..and so the cycle will repeat. I honestly feel bad for her. She probably has no idea about me or what shes in for with him. she can keep that loser. Because I certainly dont want him! Hes 20 pounds overweight, balding and is really stupid anyway. And Im not sure what I saw in him to begin with, but if anything this will open my eyes to address my own issues and work on them and myself before I get involved with the next guy.
Memphis Raines Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Faith, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. sorry for the t/j, but I gotta ask, did you take the blue pill or the red one?
Professor X Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 sorry for the t/j, but I gotta ask, did you take the blue pill or the red one? Red & the rabbit-hole goes deep.
Imajerk17 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I know it had nothing to do with me. I was way above him. intellectually, emotionally, physically there's no comparison, spiritually etc. Im not even mad. His new girlfriend can have him.. because honestly he already cheated on her...with me, because I was still with him while he started dating her and i didnt know..and so the cycle will repeat. I honestly feel bad for her. She probably has no idea about me or what shes in for with him. she can keep that loser. Because I certainly dont want him! Hes 20 pounds overweight, balding and is really stupid anyway. And Im not sure what I saw in him to begin with, but if anything this will open my eyes to address my own issues and work on them and myself before I get involved with the next guy. You were with him for 8 months! Take responsibility for your bad choices.
Author ViolaSwamp Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 True, I was with him for 8 months. poor choices, we all make them.
Memphis Raines Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 True, I was with him for 8 months. poor choices, we all make them. but we don't all make "poor choices" of that nature. I have never cheated, never will. I also will never mess around with someone elses wife or girlfriend. and if it turns out that I didn't know they were committed to someone else because she lied, then the relationship will end right then and there. so no, we don't "all" make them.
Professor X Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 No G450, he didnt cheat on me with his Ex. He cheated on his ex with me (I had no idea they were together -I found out after the fact because he said they were "just friends" and not together, and they were according to everyone else "not together" SO I truly didnt know.) In hindsignt I now now that they WERE together. Ok, so you've found out after but while you were together, and you still stayed with him?
Author ViolaSwamp Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I actually dumped him as soon as I found out. Months later he came back telling me he dumped her because I was the only thing that made sense in his life. We eventually got back together because I thought I could give him a second chance with a clean slate since he was single. It was my own fault for believing his lies and thinking he wouldnt do the same to me.
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