tyler123 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) Well i am back and i have not been to this site in almost 3yrs. I am trying not to get into it with my now divorced MW cause she is not really present in our relationship but needed to vent. Hope to hear some wisdom from this FABULOUS support group. 4 yrs ago i started having an affair with this women in my community - we met in AA meetings both trying to work on our destructive disease of too much self absorbed thinking always leading to self pity leading to numbing those feelings with drugs and alcholol. she has 3 young girls and a bad marriage - we started our affair quickly and it was a roller coaster for the first 3 yrs and i am shocked i am still alive- truly a miracle that i did not go off the deep end as she would tell me "how i am everything she wanted, i'd love her, be there for her emotionally , physically, spiritually- we would have fun in this new sober life- then BOOM she would tell me she can't do this with me any more that she needed to work on her marriage. Then BOOM again, she would be back and say how sorry she was and how much she missed me- many of times when she went back to the marriage - I would relapse , feeling like the victim. Each time She came back i would volunteer myself to this relationship - forgiving her. Well 4 yrs later she is divorced and basically for the past year while the divorce was going on- she completley stopped going to meetings and the roller coaster I thought was over- she stayed at my place on the nights she did not have the girls- our fun times were far and few between- we never went out for dinner , or did the fun things we did together. Instead we became boring - she bored me, she was so depressed about her life and she became more and more difficlut to deal with- she was like a piece of furniture in my apt that had no color- when we had sex and she showed some life i had some happiness, but that was it . i thought / more so hoped her depression would fade and she would be grateful that i was always there for her, loving her , supporting her even though she was not bringing anything to the relationship other than the less and less seldom sex. well to make this 4yr story short- whenever she left me to take care of her kids i was relieved - i could watch my tv shows and i did not have to feel like a babysitter. she finally confessed she was taking an extreme amount of xanax and other pills to numb her- this ended with her going to detox for a week. now she is feeling better but not going to meetings like she said she would. She is not calling me or staying over the past couple of weeks since she is feeling better, and i am really hurt and angry because i thought/hoped she would show her gratitude for me never leaving her and being by her side, through her divorce, depression, etc. and now she is extremely distant and sends me these random texts like" sorry i haven't been in touch been real busy. hope all is well with you. ttyl" this is the most one sided relationship i have ever experienced and i am not calling her out on her behavior / actions as i have in the past". i think i know from experience when i call her out when she is acting like this i get more angry and it's leads to more confrontation- and i get more exhausted. for many of weeks / months- i feel this relationship is wasting my love and energy, but the minute i start thinking how can she do this to me i get into a bad place- it's like i am jeckly and hyde - one sec i want her out of my place- and then when she is distant (very little contact on her part) - i get a resentment A BIG ONE- and i then start to miss feeling a part of something- even if it has been a draining, one sided relationship. Well i am glad i am venting on this rather than venting to her -cause i know where that goes... i have not put much effort into contacting her as i know her patterns and right now- she is "not into me/ us" my feelings my life is not a priority to her at all and i feel neglected. i know her texts to me are generic and makes her feel like she is still in some contact. BUt it's total bull****- this inconsistency has to stop- just not sure how to approach this.. Ok can't wait to hear your takes on this... Edited April 11, 2011 by tyler123
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