weedsandposies Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Over the past few weeks I've been reading other people's threads hoping to get some insight into my own situation. Right now I can't stop crying and just need to let this out. Thanks for listening Anyway, I was strict NC with my ex for 9 years, although we live in the same city, we dont run in the same circles so luckily never bumped into each other. Last summer my ex found me at the same time I setup a facebook account. He told me he's been looking for me for a while. Around that time my husband and I were separating. So I started R with ex honestly thinking that was it with H and me. Well, recently my H and I have been working on our R and it's been going well. Haven't seen ex for 6 weeks, by my choice. Just kept coming up with excuses in an attempt at endings things, for good this time (I tried breaking up with him many times before). Over the course of the R I've come to realize that regardless of anything external, there is no way we can have a R. We were never meant to be in that way and it's just draining my energy. Last week, I was on the phone with my ex and he heard H, was furious and asked who I was with. Up until that point I'd told him we were no longer living together, which was true at the time. Last night ex got back from a trip and called. I ignored but text him to welcome him back this morning. He as usual was relentless in his pursuit to see me. When he called I really didn't want to answer. He pushed me to tell him our R was hurting me. How the recent pregnancy scare (that story is elsewhere on this forum) and him asking me to abort changed how I was feeling about him, and that basically I felt he had been using me as a sperm receptacle for the past few months. As self-centered as he is didn't even address what I had said, but continued to reprimand me saying what a nice surprise that he had just gotten back and I open this topic and start arguing. But I wasn't, really wanted some kind of explaination, admittance or even a measely apology. Regretably I was toying with the idea of seeing him this week. So ex asked what is it you're getting at, you want to end things? Finally, I was realizing what a cold, harsh person he is, or was he just hurt or feeling rejected? He kept pushing me to answer until I finally just said yes, we need to go back to NC. He didn't say anything just hung up. Then sent me a series of awful texts. I'm not responding, have already blocked him on facebook but haven't deleted contact info, probably won't. I do want to shoot out an email to him sometime soon. Don't know what I'll say yet. Then going strict NC forever. It breaks my heart however if I've learned anything after all this time is we're unable to have a R, and certainly not a friendship. This will be so hard.
spacehopper Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 This guy sounds like an a**hole im sorry to say,you sound like you need a fresh start to be honest as you seem to react to what these men want but dont seem to be thinking enough about what you want,if you dont look after you no one else will,if he wants you then he will come soon enough but let your H go as hes obviously not what you want and would be fairer to him also
Emme Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 :bunny:HUG:bunny: I hope things will pass and your heart will heal. I think this site is filled with many loving people. We just have to find the right person to give our hearts to. Whatever you do or choose, do it for you. Just keep on smiling.
Author weedsandposies Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 This guy sounds like an a**hole im sorry to say,you sound like you need a fresh start to be honest as you seem to react to what these men want but dont seem to be thinking enough about what you want,if you dont look after you no one else will,if he wants you then he will come soon enough but let your H go as hes obviously not what you want and would be fairer to him also this is the best advice ive received, thank you. h and I have already started arguing. so glad we dont have children. my plan is to set up my business, then leave in a couple of months as soon as im strong enough. still on nc with ex and ddont ever plan on breaking it, except maybe a farewell email. a R with him would end miserably.
Author weedsandposies Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 :bunny:HUG:bunny: I hope things will pass and your heart will heal. I think this site is filled with many loving people. We just have to find the right person to give our hearts to. Whatever you do or choose, do it for you. Just keep on smiling. thank you very much but that song always makes me depressed, im already suicidal!
Flabbergaster Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 My blood is chilled. Wow. No, do NOT send him an email. You are done with him, you already said it's over. Don't contact him, don't respond to his attempts to contact you. Delete w/o reading. If you are unable to have an R with him...delete the contact info now, cause you don't need it. Write it down someplace if you're not ready to delete it yet; get it off your phone and email, etc.
Author weedsandposies Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 My blood is chilled. Wow. No, do NOT send him an email. You are done with him, you already said it's over. Don't contact him, don't respond to his attempts to contact you. Delete w/o reading. If you are unable to have an R with him...delete the contact info now, cause you don't need it. Write it down someplace if you're not ready to delete it yet; get it off your phone and email, etc. flabbergaster, I'm hesitant to email him because I know he'll attempt to get me back to bed. Not that he cares about me, or him I'm just a sex toy. Why did I allow myself to get used by him? I feel so stupid. And yes I already started deleting saved conversations, no backups, nothing. Don't ever want to remember this. Then at night I cry myself to sleep and pray husband doesn't hear me.
Flabbergaster Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I'm hesitant to email him because I know he'll attempt to get me back to bed. What I'm looking for is, "I'm NOT going to email him, or anything else." Doesn't matter what he might do; if you contact him for anything you risk being pulled back in. You said goodbye, walk on. Nothing left to say. You know he's a dip****, and he knows it, too. Why did I allow myself to get used by him? I feel so stupid. We all make mistakes. Now wipe your tears away, forgive yourself for this mistake, and move on. You wanted to see if that R had a life left...you found out.
Emme Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I think to love is to feel pain. You have to go through the stages of letting him out of your life. Please don't use the word suicidal... we are all suffering and we have each other to hold us up. I still have my days and I'm months into the affair ending. It doesn't sting like the first day. The pain is there but life goes on. We have to enjoy life and not waste it in misery.
Bionic Me Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Did everyone miss this? So I started R with ex honestly thinking that was it with H and me. Well, recently my H and I have been working on our R and it's been going well. and but that song always makes me depressed, im already suicidal! Maybe you need to take some time alone and figure out what you want or who you really are. Does your husband know that you are involved with OM? Be careful, this dude sounds like he may create trouble.
Author weedsandposies Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Bionic- My husband doesn't know and hopefully will never find out, even if we decide to call it quits. Flabbergaster- i read all your posts on LS, very insightful. I've decided I won't contact my ex ever. I've deleted him in all my contacts that I can think, but did keep his numbers and email on my cell so they can be blocked. His texts aren't blocked, yet. But he also hasn't contacted me. Hopefully, this is the end. Reading other's stories on here helps. I still have moments of withdrawal and breakdown but overall doing better then anticipated. Thank you everyone.
spacehopper Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Im now living with my mm but only because i walked away and kept to n.c he then came looking for me after 3 months because when id said no contact before i always went back but this time as hard as it was i stuck with it and he knew it was now or never,he told me that i made it to easy for him to live both lives but that when i walked away he was forced to make himself choose. my only regret is i should have walked long ago and not made it so easy for him to live both lives,if a mm truly loves you and you want the answer to will he ever be with you then walk away,if hes wasnt lying he will find you within a few months,if he dosent then he wasnt worth a moment of your time and at least youll have the answer.
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