orangelady Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I dunno, I had a generally okay day. For the first time, I decided to invest in a dating site which accepted my country. I paid for it. I had to take two taxis to get to the right bank to deal with the payments. I just feel a little hope-less tonight. Do you? I am missing some of the other familiar users that I used to see last week too. Like Ross PK and BeginAgain. I wonder if they've gone out and started to live life or something. Not that I don't. I am out everyday with people. Just no guy to get interested in. Anyways, not being whiny, just thought I'd say and post this. Hope everyone is well.....
watermelonjuice Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I don't know how I really feel. Sometimes I don't care that I don't have an SO. Other times I care and don't like it. I have a life and friends so it's not like I can't live without a relationship. Though at times I wonder how many friends will be left as they get into their own relationships. Not sure when my fairy tale will happen.
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Cheer up buttercup I used to be the same way so I know how it feels, pretty crap . Then I realised one day no one else is responsible for my own happiness but myself. After living by that motto I've been much happier yes I will admit I have the occasional down day where I am lonely but they are very far and wide between. Is there any particular reason why you are so desperate to meet a guy orange? Don't mean it out of disrespect, just curious?
Author orangelady Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Cheer up buttercup I used to be the same way so I know how it feels, pretty crap . Then I realised one day no one else is responsible for my own happiness but myself. After living by that motto I've been much happier yes I will admit I have the occasional down day where I am lonely but they are very far and wide between. Is there any particular reason why you are so desperate to meet a guy orange? Don't mean it out of disrespect, just curious? I'm 28 and have not had someone, except for one bloke but that was years ago. I just want to do my part and see if it results in anything. Doesn't help that I don't seem to be meeting anyone in my work/class or hobbies. My friends are not even real friends. They don't really socialize with me outside work or class because they already have their own social network. So as you can see, I don't really have a group of friends that can fulfill that part of me being a human. At first, I was not interested in men, so I spent most of my time from age 22-27 investing in friends. I even joined a church group but all of that fell apart as I feel they were too extreme for me and I don't think I even share the same fundamental beliefs as them, so I don't want to do the church thing anymore. I find making friends not hard, but to get it to develop from just acquaintance to friends that hang out outside hobbies or work/school is very difficult. So now I am missing that intimacy with a special someone and am trying to find someone. Sorry if all of this sounds like I don't have "a life" and "no friends" or "desperate" to you.
Lilmisus Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I've read quite a few of your posts, and from the looks of it, you are suffering from depression, not that you are desperate, or that you don't have a life. Whether it's the result of not dating anyone for a while or if it's just a part of it. I know how bad it sucks to throw yourself completely out there and just not have anyone come in and show you that your efforts are worthwhile, but I think that you're putting too much focus on dating and that it's wearing you out and hurting you more than it should. I was always under the mindset that you'll find someone when you least expect it, and I never believed in going out and searching for love. If I were you, I'd take a week, two weeks, a month, however long, and stop focusing on dating. Meaning, no dating profile (yea, I know you just paid for it and went through a lot of trouble), no looking, no trying to make eye contact with that cute guy next to you in the line, no anything. Seriously, just take the load off of your back, and remember that there's so much more to life than finding a partner to share it with. Try to re-find the happiness that you have the capability of finding when you put your focus on things that don't bring you down as much as dating has been. But you don't have to of course, and I'd understand if you choose not to. Even if you just take the stress off of it and refocus on other things well keeping your eyes open, I think that you could be loads happier.
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I'm 28 and have not had someone, except for one bloke but that was years ago. I just want to do my part and see if it results in anything. Doesn't help that I don't seem to be meeting anyone in my work/class or hobbies. My friends are not even real friends. They don't really socialize with me outside work or class because they already have their own social network. So as you can see, I don't really have a group of friends that can fulfill that part of me being a human. At first, I was not interested in men, so I spent most of my time from age 22-27 investing in friends. I even joined a church group but all of that fell apart as I feel they were too extreme for me and I don't think I even share the same fundamental beliefs as them, so I don't want to do the church thing anymore. I find making friends not hard, but to get it to develop from just acquaintance to friends that hang out outside hobbies or work/school is very difficult. So now I am missing that intimacy with a special someone and am trying to find someone. Sorry if all of this sounds like I don't have "a life" and "no friends" or "desperate" to you. No need to apoligise orange, as I said I didn't mean it out of disrespect. I just wanted to understand why. I know how hard it is basically from the age of 16 -20 I was a social recluse (due to depression/other things). I only had 3 real friends who I have known all my life. Once I came out of my hidey hole those 3 friends were able to to introduce me to a lot of other people. i became friends with their friends and friends of friends etc. I have built my own social network now. With those 3 friends been in the center. Then I have about 10-15 people I see on a regular basis outside work/school. I have a much larger outer circle who I see maybe once every 2-3 months when we have a big get together but we don't really hang out outside that. So I'm sorry to hear that you don't have a few close friends like myself, I would probably be in the same situation as yourself if it wasn't for them. I sure as hell wouldn't have met any of my ex-girlfriends thats for sure.
Author orangelady Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I've read quite a few of your posts, and from the looks of it, you are suffering from depression, not that you are desperate, or that you don't have a life. Whether it's the result of not dating anyone for a while or if it's just a part of it. I know how bad it sucks to throw yourself completely out there and just not have anyone come in and show you that your efforts are worthwhile, but I think that you're putting too much focus on dating and that it's wearing you out and hurting you more than it should. I was always under the mindset that you'll find someone when you least expect it, and I never believed in going out and searching for love. If I were you, I'd take a week, two weeks, a month, however long, and stop focusing on dating. Meaning, no dating profile (yea, I know you just paid for it and went through a lot of trouble), no looking, no trying to make eye contact with that cute guy next to you in the line, no anything. Seriously, just take the load off of your back, and remember that there's so much more to life than finding a partner to share it with. Try to re-find the happiness that you have the capability of finding when you put your focus on things that don't bring you down as much as dating has been. But you don't have to of course, and I'd understand if you choose not to. Even if you just take the stress off of it and refocus on other things well keeping your eyes open, I think that you could be loads happier. You just read a couple of my posts and you think you know me already? To be honest, I only started looking hard in the last month. Before this, I did not look and I did not land myself ANYone. I didn't even think of dating or men or anything and I'm still single as ever. I think it's pretty natural if I feel down about not having someone or if I put myself on dating sites and not get much response. What different is your advice than the one I've been practising? Don't you think I thought of that? That's exactly how I lived my life - I didn't look for anyone up till now. And I'm just saying it makes me down. Gawd, shoot me and sue me for feeling real. I think I'll unscubscribe to this thread. I know you mean well, but I've had enough of this. Taking a break. bye. Brainygirl was right about this site. It's not healthy. Everyone starts blaming you if you didn't feel positive about not having someone. Me having depression? At least I go through my life, earning $$ and doing night classes and trying my best to join any activity in my area than come on here and tell people how to run their lives and saying that they are depressed for wanting someone. Bye.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I agree you sound like you may be clinically depressed. Either way I know how depressing it can be when it looks like everyone else's in love but you. The dating process can be disheartening. Not finding dates. Going on bad dates. Dating people you just don't feel it for. While others just seem to fall so easily into love. -------------------------------------------------- Seek professional help if you feel you need it.
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) You just read a couple of my posts and you think you know me already? To be honest, I only started looking hard in the last month. Before this, I did not look and I did not land myself ANYone. I didn't even think of dating or men or anything and I'm still single as ever. I think it's pretty natural if I feel down about not having someone or if I put myself on dating sites and not get much response. What different is your advice than the one I've been practising? Don't you think I thought of that? That's exactly how I lived my life - I didn't look for anyone up till now. And I'm just saying it makes me down. Gawd, shoot me and sue me for feeling real. I think I'll unscubscribe to this thread. I know you mean well, but I've had enough of this. Taking a break. bye. Brainygirl was right about this site. It's not healthy. Everyone starts blaming you if you didn't feel positive about not having someone. Me having depression? At least I go through my life, earning $$ and doing night classes and trying my best to join any activity in my area than come on here and tell people how to run their lives and saying that they are depressed for wanting someone. Bye. Sorry to hear that Orange, you need to take everything on here with a grain of salt. People's intentions are usually good for the most part, but if you feel it is better to take a break then do what is best for you. Good luck To be honest I don't disagree with Lil you sound like I did when I had depression (I refused to even think I had it). Eventually I went and saw a doctor and was formally diagnosed, was the single best decision I made in my life. They were able to help me when I couldn't help myself. As I said take or leave it, you don't have to follow anyones advice here. The reason I have been following your thread is because you remind me of myself back then. Edited April 11, 2011 by Hules
Mrlonelyone Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I just saw your last reply. There is nothing wrong with being depressed. Weather it is clinical or just the blues you yourself said you had. Your right about the judgmental tone of many here. It's really not helpful.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 You just read a couple of my posts and you think you know me already? To be honest, I only started looking hard in the last month. Before this, I did not look and I did not land myself ANYone. I didn't even think of dating or men or anything and I'm still single as ever. I think it's pretty natural if I feel down about not having someone or if I put myself on dating sites and not get much response. What different is your advice than the one I've been practising? Don't you think I thought of that? That's exactly how I lived my life - I didn't look for anyone up till now. And I'm just saying it makes me down. Gawd, shoot me and sue me for feeling real. I think I'll unscubscribe to this thread. I know you mean well, but I've had enough of this. Taking a break. bye. Brainygirl was right about this site. It's not healthy. Everyone starts blaming you if you didn't feel positive about not having someone. Me having depression? At least I go through my life, earning $$ and doing night classes and trying my best to join any activity in my area than come on here and tell people how to run their lives and saying that they are depressed for wanting someone. Bye. With respect, Lilmisus' post to you was very kind and thoughtful. She simply suggested to focus on other areas of your life than dating, if you want to feel better than you seem to feel. She did NOT suggest that this would help you find a mate. Telling you that you sound like you may be depressed is not insulting, judging, slamming or bashing you in any way. All we have to go by here are one anothers' posts. Please try to take the attempt to help in the spirit in which they are intended. Take what you like, and leave the rest. It's true that there are often unhealthy, mean spirited, judgmental, wallowing, self indulgent, etc. aspects to participating in LoveShack for some members. Lilmisus' response to your OP did not demonstrate any of these things; she offered her perspective to you thinking it could be of help. Which, by the way, I agree with. Yes, it can be very disheartening to find oneself alone in life. I think that it's great to try to remedy that, if it's what you want to do. BUT, if you're feeling basically unhappy with your life, GETTING A BOYFRIEND / HUSBAND / (whatever) is NOT going to fix that. If your life is not very fulfilling, as you express that yours is not, then you better make some changes to that if you would like to prepare to participate in a healthy and happy relationship.
BeginAgain Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I dunno, I had a generally okay day. For the first time, I decided to invest in a dating site which accepted my country. I paid for it. I had to take two taxis to get to the right bank to deal with the payments. I just feel a little hope-less tonight. Do you? I am missing some of the other familiar users that I used to see last week too. Like Ross PK and BeginAgain. I wonder if they've gone out and started to live life or something. Not that I don't. I am out everyday with people. Just no guy to get interested in. Anyways, not being whiny, just thought I'd say and post this. Hope everyone is well..... Yeah I'm living la vida loca. I haven't done much of anything and it isn't like I am spending less time on LS, but maybe I am finding less to reply to. I didn't know I had posting quotas. The only amazing thing I have done lately is I took my car out last night after it sat around for one and a half weeks unused. I only drove it for a few minutes then the check engine light turned on and the engine started smoking. Eventually I got back home. I just had it towed to a garage this morning to see what is wrong.
Cracker Jack Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Yeah, I understand how you feel. Usually for me, it would at night, once I get in the house. I never really had issues feeling lonely in the daytime. I'm working on neutralizing that altogether, tho. I often wonder why everyone around me is in a loving relationship except me, but at this point, I just gotta stop focusing on other people's lives and focus on improving myself. Easier said than done, but I'm hopeful. And you should be, too. Don't worry too much, orangelady. I'm sure you'll find a good guy to invest interest in (not blowing smoke up your ass, either), who'll reciprocate the same interest towards you soon enough.
BeginAgain Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 All you have to do is act like a jackass and you already have the jack part down.
Cracker Jack Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Ha! I'll keep that in mind. Just gotta get the technique down, which I absolutely suck at. Derp:D
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