Lilmisus Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I'm curious, have any of you ever dated a friend's ex, or had a friend date your ex? Would you ever do it? If yes, how long was it after you or they broke up that the new relationship started? What happened to that friendship? I'm asking because it looks like one of my friends who I went to for consoling after my breakup, who was my shoulder to cry on, and who knew how happy I was during my relationship, is going after my ex and doesn't see an issue with it and doesn't care about my feelings. According to her (I talked to her about it), they're not really dating right now, but it could happen in the future (he agrees, but in the farther away future when he can be in a relationship again). The only issue she sees is that he's fresh out of a relationship and she doesn't want to be the rebound girl. Having a friend do that to you so soon after a breakup, hurts, but I'm wondering what stories y'all may have to help put this in a better perspective or to help tell me how to go about this, or to just tell a dating story.
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I almost ended up dating one of my ex's friends. We spent a lot of time together after the break up with other mutual friends. She started becoming lets say, more than friendly with me about 4 months after the breakup. Openly flirting with me etc. I asked her out a bout a month later but we both agreed it probably wasn't the best idea since my breakup with my ex was still kind of fresh and didn't want to breakup the friendship group more than it already has been. Though she admitted she was attracted to me from when she first met me (when I was with my ex). Which makes me wonder... >_> Basically my ex dumped me, I don't owe her anything and she has no say in who I date. Thats how I see it at least.
EmperorR Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 No way to much females in the world for me to risk losin a friend over.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 See, I partially feel like a hypocrite for feeling as hurt over this as I do, since I guess it's true that what goes around comes around. Back in like..high school, I had two great guy friends. The first one I met, told me he loved me and I thought I loved him too so I told him that (I loved him, wasn't in love with him though), but when I told him I didn't want to be with him, it hurt him and he wanted to commit suicide (thankfully didn't), and went on to date like 10 girls in the next few months..all of who he claimed to love..I dunno. He suffered from major depression and had anger management issues. But his best friend, my other great friend, I did have very strong feelings for, and we realized that we both felt this way, and we started seeing each other. Soon after, I told him that I was in love with him (which I was), and he told me he felt the same way. Our friend was incredibly hurt and hated both of us, but me especially, and started to talk about suicide even more persistently. I didn't consider his feelings then..and now that I look back on it, I really wish I did. It was only little high school drama though and our relationship lasted like three months max, nothing serious, and both of them are okay now, even though I don't keep in touch with either of them any more. So can I just throw it out there...to just not date someone who is your friend's ex? Or to not go from one friend to the other? If you care about their feelings at all, then just don't.
thatdog Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Back in college my exes had a habit of throwing themselves at my best friend. The first time it happened with a girl I dated for 4 years but knew from my friends admission that he had liked her as well before we started dating and they remained friends after the breakup. About 3-4 months later I talked to him about it and told him that if he did still like her I would be cool with them hooking up. He said thanks but no way, she was my ex and it would feel too weird. A few months later he came to me and admitted he had been dating her ever since I told him that. I was really hurt and angry about it because he had lied about his feelings, not because they were together. I think the honesty and consideration for your friends is much more important. If you like a friend's ex you should tell your friend first. Expect them to be upset and if they are then you should respect those feelings and back off. If you're lucky your friend will be over them and give you the ok.
nowrong Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I'm a true southern girl and I feel if my friend dated someone EVER they are totally off limits to me. On one occasion my bf went out with this guy once and said she didn't like him and thought I would make a better match. She only went out with him once and never really "dated". If she hadn't have set me up with him though I would have never gone out with him because I thought he was off limits. I had a neighbor who WAS a terrific friend hit on my boyfriend the same week we were having problems and trying to decide which way to go. Needless to say she is no longer a friend but actually she did me a big favor to get him out of my life and now I choose my friends and boyfriends with a little more care.
seibert253 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 One of my buds ended up breaking up with the girl he went out with for 2 years. Because he was one of my close buds, I also knew her very well. We always got along great, and beside my bud always treated her like sh#t. Anyway, couple of months after they split, she wanted to go away for a weekend and "get closer". I was up for the idea, but out of respect for my boy, I told him about the proposition and asked if he was ok with that. Even though he said he was ok with it, I could tell he was not. Out of respect for my boy, no trip.
singer24 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Its a very sensitive issue. I think it depends on a lot of things. First - How serious was the relationship? second- How long has it been since you've been broken up? Now in your case, it seems that it hasn't been that long. To me, that's kind of weird. I just don't get how you're friend doesn't see anything wrong with it... Unless you were just "dating" the guy and it wasn't so serious? I don't know, I feel like it can put a dent in the relationship. I am all about letting people love who they want to love and i wouldn't stand in my friend's way if they really wanted a relationship with my ex and if i felt like it could actually work between them, but it's also about respect on your friend's side as well. I'd expect my friend to be a little more sensitive and realize that this was someone you JUST ended things with. Also, I don't think you should feel guilty and go by the "what goes around comes around" thing. I mean, what you did in your past was in your past. What's now is now. If this is something that is hurting you, i'd outright tell your friend about it.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Its a very sensitive issue. I think it depends on a lot of things. First - How serious was the relationship? second- How long has it been since you've been broken up? Now in your case, it seems that it hasn't been that long. To me, that's kind of weird. I just don't get how you're friend doesn't see anything wrong with it... Unless you were just "dating" the guy and it wasn't so serious? I don't know, I feel like it can put a dent in the relationship. I am all about letting people love who they want to love and i wouldn't stand in my friend's way if they really wanted a relationship with my ex and if i felt like it could actually work between them, but it's also about respect on your friend's side as well. I'd expect my friend to be a little more sensitive and realize that this was someone you JUST ended things with. Also, I don't think you should feel guilty and go by the "what goes around comes around" thing. I mean, what you did in your past was in your past. What's now is now. If this is something that is hurting you, i'd outright tell your friend about it. Our relationship was a pretty serious one year relationship. Though I'd been with other guys before, he was my first real boyfriend, and this is the first real breakup I've had to go through. It was only three weeks ago, and him and I were trying hard to remain friends..but now we've lost what friendship we could have had and are no longer friends. People were telling me one thing - how they were together - and he was telling me that they weren't, and me believing them (including his best friend who told me they were dating) means that he's done with anything to do with me. Honestly, I'm very confused and sick of everything right now, and I still can't believe that she'd do me like that and that he has so little consideration of my feelings. I deleted her off of Facebook, and I refuse to try to keep any friendship that I could have had with her. I will though put her in her place and make her realize that hey, it's wrong to do me like that (as others are planning on doing). But like others have pointed out for me, they're just looking out for themselves right now and I need to do the same and stop worrying about it. Easier said then done though.
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