loverboy1984 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Im wondering since me and my ex gf would talk on a daily basis and were each others best friend, having been together for 6yrs, and now that she dumped me I wonder if shes having a tough time too. Its been over a month of NC and she broke up with me I guess to explore her surroundings and do self reflection and bs excuses that didnt even make sense to her. It was hard for me but its getting better.We were in a LDR. I get a relapse now and then but I am in acceptance now. Does anyone know how the dumper feels during no contact? as anyone been there or talked to their ex afterwards? Im just wondering if its that easy to not think about the dumpee.
selena_cat Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 With a name like loverboy how can your ex dare not think of you:bunny: Yes with time and total No contact from the dumpee the ex will eventually miss them. Thats what happened to me,not going to get further into it. I notice when i resolved never to bother contacting him,and totally throw in the towel,who do you think I heard from. Give it time,and always think positive no matter what anyone tells you,I did,and it worked for me. Speak it into your life that no matter what,your ex wont forget you. Now i'm not going to say its a guarantee that she'll want you back for whtever reason you broke up. I can say,that if you dont push,beg,find excuses to contact,text,call,IM,PM,e-mail, Facebook,smoke signals,one way or another the ex notice. Still live your life,you dont want her to find you exactly the same way she left. Go out with friends,find a good hobby,be around supportive,inspiring people,travel,anything that will make you better person for yourself,not any ex. Take it from experience.
Fufu Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I'm not sure if the dumpers will feel bad that their exes are not contacting them. Some will feel bad, some will not. My previous rs was in a ldr too when my ex broke up with me. I'm glad you are feeling better now
nana841121 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 It depends on the reason why you broke up If it's an issue about the other man/woman, no and in that situation , you don't need to bother to think about the reason why you broke up Don't obsess about closure and answer paradox is part of human nature
Author loverboy1984 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I actually dont know why she broke up. he reasons was growing apart and not attracted to me more than a friend, yet she said she loves me and the night before was telling me how I was worth waiting for and that we are meant to be together. Yea Im not counting on closure. I just wonder sometimes if she thinks of me and does she miss me. I think she left because she wanted to not be in a relationship and enjoy her new environment,school,friends, and possibly see other guys.
WillSingForFood Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Depends, but it could hurt for her and could be hard for her. After six years together Im sure it wasn't the easiest decision to end things especially since she said she was so in love with you right before. Don't worry about it (easier said than done, I know) she had her reasons, and hope for the best for her.
0hpenelope Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Does anyone know how the dumper feels during no contact? as anyone been there or talked to their ex afterwards? Im just wondering if its that easy to not think about the dumpee. Probably not, I'd imagine. They're the ones who walked away and they're the ones who want the separation.
Author loverboy1984 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 It makes me wonder sometimes because I was the 3rd Bf shes had and the last 2 broke up with her on her birthday and she never loved any of them, yet she broke up with me and she loved me and talked about ending up with me. I know it wasnt an easy decision for her because she was giving alot of mixed signals. She had told me she had cried alot about this and was exhausted when I asked her why shes so emotionless as she broke up. Im betting her friends put her up to this and they are the ones making her feel good about what she did. Its just sad that her friends there have only known her for 6 months and they dont even know me yet she listened their generic advice. Im just happy Im getting better but I think this whole break up was tragic.
Fufu Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Every break ups are tragic, however be too hard to yourself anymore.
Am4Real Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 You’re wondering if it bothers a dumper because you were the dumpee – as obvious as that statement was it’s really more about how you are recovering. Your concern about how NC might be affecting her tells me you’re still in the early stages of healing and these types of questions are not out of the ordinary. You can be assured you have crossed her mind many times. Don’t read too much into that those words for it doesn’t mean she wants you back or anything of the sorts; honestly we really don’t know what she is thinking do we? The fact is she left you for her own reasons whether those reasons are what she told you or not – by you remaining in NC you will eventually get to a state of mind where her thoughts about you will be of little concern. Hang in there.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I think if two people cared for and loved each other, yes, they will both feel bad, regardless of how things ended. Even when the dumpers hand was forced and had to leave the relationship, unless they have a heart of steel they are going to feel pain.
ASG Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I think if two people cared for and loved each other, yes, they will both feel bad, regardless of how things ended. Even when the dumpers hand was forced and had to leave the relationship, unless they have a heart of steel they are going to feel pain. Agreed. But feeling pain and missing you are a LONG distance away from wanting you back. My ex and I broke up mutually about a week ago. We're still in contact, as we ended on very good terms and he'll call me and I'll call him... And I've thought (and he has as well) that we've been getting along great this week and maybe things weren't that bad before... but then reality hits that if we went back to dating we would make each other miserable, again. And neither of us wants to go back, specially after we've made the tough decision of breaking up in the first place. Speaking just for myself, now that we broke up, I really don't want to get back together, cause we would break up again in the near future and I don't want to go through that again with him. Once is more than enough. So yes, your ex probably misses you and thinks about you. But that doesn't mean she's going to call or even think about getting back together with you, so you need to sort yourself out, so that you don't really care anymore.
Chi townD Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Different strokes for different folks on how they feel when they break up with someone. Hard to gage but it wouldn't surprise me if she were keeping tabs on you.
MovingOn13 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Haha wow this thread is IDENTICAL to my situation. Dated ex for 5 years we were each others first love etc. I guess you could say she grew apart from me and also wanted to be friends. Been in no contact ever since and she hasn't bothered to contact me but i took the initiative and deleted her from fb and bbm. This pissed her off and i am assuming she mirrored my actions of NC. It hurts...and i know it will get better its just a woman shaped hole.
shapp Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Im wondering since me and my ex gf would talk on a daily basis and were each others best friend, having been together for 6yrs, and now that she dumped me I wonder if shes having a tough time too. Its been over a month of NC and she broke up with me I guess to explore her surroundings and do self reflection and bs excuses that didnt even make sense to her. It was hard for me but its getting better.We were in a LDR. I get a relapse now and then but I am in acceptance now. Does anyone know how the dumper feels during no contact? as anyone been there or talked to their ex afterwards? Im just wondering if its that easy to not think about the dumpee. My b/f dumped me a week ago, I went into nc, and he call be back within 5 days, and said he did not think that was what he wanted. he did not wanted be without me, but what i am saying is i really wanted to hear from him, but I also so wonder if I am going to go through the same thing again or what. I feel like I am a different person now and I am not sure what I want The relationship was pretty good up until the month before he left. it was really rough. I went through a very hard time. I think you should evaluate the situtation when you and her was together. My boyfriend said it was hard for him. I do not want to make you feel any worser, but me speaking from a woman point of view she is probably dating someone else and that would make it easy for her to not contact you. I have been the dumper and when I did not look back I had someone else. I think you should move on and just see do the other relationship last if its so, are you can wait its your choice, just do not run behind her if you do she will keep running the other way.
sandman223 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I feel for you guys. I have been broken up for around 3 months. We basically lived together at that point and everything seemed fine. However, she suddenly said she wasn't feeling the same way about me and had to end it, even though I was a great boyfriend. I went into NC for about 2 months (that she really started) or so but had to recently break it because of circumstances beyond my control. I still didn't see her but I am at a loss.
selena_cat Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I feel for you guys. I have been broken up for around 3 months. We basically lived together at that point and everything seemed fine. However, she suddenly said she wasn't feeling the same way about me and had to end it, even though I was a great boyfriend. I went into NC for about 2 months (that she really started) or so but had to recently break it because of circumstances beyond my control. I still didn't see her but I am at a loss. Sorry to hear that Sadman,as I told Lover here in this kind of situation,there is only one step you can take and have to really stick to it no matter what.
Author loverboy1984 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 After the break up I deleted her of my FB and deactivated it too. But I hear she still has all our pictures up. Not reading into it just saying it. And I know shes happy but probably does think of me and convinces herself that its best to let me heal so I can focus on my studies. A part of me feels like this is just temporary and that the break up hasnt quite been finalized since when she told my sister a few days later that hopefully we can start over once our studies are over. Im not dwelling on it and have entered the early phases of acceptance. I know that she is ahead of me in recovery. Everytime I feel really good I think she must be feeling better. Whatever I want her to be happy. It just sucks when two people love each other and both committed that somehow they break up. I dont know what kind of girl can walk away carefree from a 6yr relationship when the only thing that she didnt like about it was stupid arguments that she found unhealthy. Good news is that this break up was a wake up call for me and I know what needs to be done to be better. Just wish she had an urge to come back to work it out. I rather work with what we have and be better people for each other than start new. I dont mind starting new, I love being single and dating but Im not a robot and I feel like im artificially hiding my feelings for her just to get over it. Funny thing is I think its more in her best interest to get back with me and not in mine. She has more to gain being with me where I have her to lose and a hard time regaining trust again with her.
timchambo Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 there is no rule, just generalities. My ex left me after 7-8 years together. Lived together for most, if not all, of it. She was with a new guy within days. She has tried reaching out to me, and mutual friends say she keeps asking about me. Even though she is still seeing the new guy, I am sure the fact we don't communicate at all hurts her to some degree. Honestly it really isn't worth worrying about.
confused2134 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I can't think of one single situation where a person you've spent an alotted amount of time with can not think of you and miss you. There was this girl I talked to for about 5 years there were points when wed be exclusive but we were young adn we'd talk all the time. I told her I couldn't do it cause i didn't wanna hurt her in the end and I said sme mean things to her and i still think of her and talk to her from time to time. I find it very hard that even if they have a new person in their lives that they don't think of you. If you were in love if you were together for a long time and then it just wasn't anymore there's always going to be wondering and questions. Just think about how much you think of them. Theyy had the same feelings for you and probably do in a sense currently. They just may not think it's right to get back right now. But they just don't have the feeling of rejection.
Author loverboy1984 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 From reading the posts on LS I see a pattern. It looks like Dumpers who are guys are usually the ones that regret or feel bad and come back to their ex because they miss the comfort. I think guys make impulsive decisions to break up and when they go with another girl and it doesnt work they come back to their ex. Its usually the guy dumper who is affected by NC and breaks. I think female dumpers are a bit more strong and can turn off the ex and not look back. My ex seemed very hesitant days and weeks before the break up. It felt like everytime I talked to her she was more determined and firm until the day where she dropped me like a hat. Where as when I break up I feel firm at the moment then feel regret and have second thoughts after. I dont know if females have regrets after breaking up. sounds like they move forward full speed ahead and maybe think of some nice memories. As a guy I cant even hook up with another girl now it feels wierd. I have had many opportunities and it just doesnt feel right. I dont know if she is or how can she if no other person has touched her in 6 yrs. Id imagine it would be difficult and not too enjoyable.
confused2134 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 It has nothing to do with gender it has to do with the person. My ex has broken up with me once before and called me saying she made a huge mistake and begging for me back. It's not that they don't look back. Because you can't just forget a huge part of your life. It's impossible.
Author loverboy1984 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I bet she is justifying her choice everytime she comes close to missing me by thinking of all the bad things. The reality is that for the past 6yrs all her good memories, and bad have been with me. 6yrs is 2% of her life. I wonder sometimes if a woman feels like its worth it to go back since they have invested so much in it or do they just forget and start from scratch. She knew that I was going to purpose to her in 2 years. she was excited about it. yea sometimes she doubted it when we fought or I threatened to break up when I got upset about something. But she saw me cry when I told her about what I wanted with her 2 days before the break up, yet she did it anyways. I just wonder what goes on in their mind sometimes. Either way I believe things happen for a reason. thankfully Im recovering quick, but part of me still wants her back even though I know it would be alot of work to re-establish the connection. I think NC especially in my case where we are in a LDR would cripple the connection we once had, ruining the chemistry. With no trust, no communication, and now the fear of getting together only to have her leave again, Its not relieving thinking she will return. I do believe two people can work things out and hope we can too. But for my own sanity I have accepted its over.
confused2134 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I'm by no means an expert just a guy going through the same thing. But I know a lot of girls at school and they all said the same thing. We didn't end on bad terms. I tried to win her back we had a great relationship. It makes sense why would she not think about it and she has so much **** of mine she definately thinks of me. Plus she was a very emotional girl relaly into the relationship for the most part. But it does make sense that they would think of you and makes little to no sense that they could just forget you.
Author loverboy1984 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I know a lot of girls at school and they all said the same thing. What do you mean by this? what thing?
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