sniffys Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 its our anniv and he is out with friends, i just got 2 messages on my bb messenger and thats it. we are currently in ldr right now (but its temporary). was kinda expecting he'd be there when i wake up. its also my bday today. i am fighting back tears. his close friend spent more time with me online on the eve of my bday. sigh i am crying **** this.
HeavenOrHell Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Aw that sucks Maybe he'll be in touch later? My partner might possibly have his ex with him on our anniversary, or on his birthday which is coming up, I was lucky that he was here for my birthday last week though. But also wish I could be with him on our anniversary in 2 weeks. Can you see friends today? Try to do something nice for your birthday. its our anniv and he is out with friends, i just got 2 messages on my bb messenger and thats it. we are currently in ldr right now (but its temporary). was kinda expecting he'd be there when i wake up. its also my bday today. i am fighting back tears. his close friend spent more time with me online on the eve of my bday. sigh i am crying **** this.
creighton0123 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Have you talked to him about it? My boyfriend and I have an understanding that birthdays/anniversaries aren't really that important to either of us. Is it an unspoken miscommunication on his part?
HeavenOrHell Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Good point, my partner isn't a big birthday or anniversary fan, and freely admits he wouldn't know when they are if I didn't tell him Have you talked to him about it? My boyfriend and I have an understanding that birthdays/anniversaries aren't really that important to either of us. Is it an unspoken miscommunication on his part?
wild_urge Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Good point, my partner isn't a big birthday or anniversary fan, and freely admits he wouldn't know when they are if I didn't tell him I know the feeling! It might be that !
creighton0123 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Good point, my partner isn't a big birthday or anniversary fan, and freely admits he wouldn't know when they are if I didn't tell him That's your answer. You shouldn't in any way, shape, or form hold this against him at this time. Some people, myself included, simply don't care about anniversaries or birthdays. Talk to him about it and let him know that in the future, yearly anniversaries and your birthday are important days for you and, for your part, you'll remind him a few days before each :-)
BeginAgain Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I know you people like to live the dream but LDR's really don't work and aren't healthy relationships. We as humans need consistent contact with our SO's. If we were more abstract, spiritual, and mental beings then perhaps it could work but we are much more sensual and physical beings. No matter what, for us a text will never be as good as a voice or a picture and these will never be as good as an actual presence right before us. Always pining for someone you are supposedly with and should already have whether due to emotional distance or physical distance is a maddening way to live. I guess some people enjoy being driven to insanity like I enjoy being depressed at times.
creighton0123 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I know you people like to live the dream but LDR's really don't work and aren't healthy relationships. We as humans need consistent contact with our SO's. If we were more abstract, spiritual, and mental beings then perhaps it could work but we are much more sensual and physical beings. No matter what, for us a text will never be as good as a voice or a picture and these will never be as good as an actual presence right before us. Always pining for someone you are supposedly with and should already have whether due to emotional distance or physical distance is a maddening way to live. I guess some people enjoy being driven to insanity like I enjoy being depressed at times. I beg to differ. Sometimes you meet the right person in such a way where a little patience and maturity - also human virtues - can go a long way in building a very healthy relationship. If you were to say "LDR's with no end-point in time never work", I might agree with you. As an example, despite my boyfriend being away for another 6 months, we have a very healthy relationship. We regularly communicate via voice and video, seldom via email and never via phone or text. We have discussions every few weeks about how we're doing in the relationship, what we like, what we don't like, and what should change. We have what virtual sex we can have as a less-than substitute. Given that we have that deadline of "We will be together again in exactly six months", I would say that an LDR for 13 months really does work. I'd also caution yourself when you cite necessity. As human beings we don't NEED consistent contact with an SO. It is the optimum relationship structure, yes, but is not a necessity. In fact, I might say that the distance makes for a perfect situation to developed heightened communication and conflict resolution which, when the distance ends, can lead towards a much stronger relationship that would be impossible to build otherwise.
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