Unbalanced Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Background information I go to college 200 miles from home. I went on one date with a girl I'll call J while at home, and did not make a move. I maintained a long distance communication w/ J, and about a month later she stated she wants to be "Just Friends". This past weekend I h/u w/ this girl I'll call A. I met A a few weeks earlier and didn't think anything of it, but when we bumped into each other at this party, we really hit it off and made out for a while and dirty danced for a nice amount of time. Tonight I hung out w/ A having intentions of just hooking up, and nothing serious. ANyway, we met up and ate dinner, and while talking to her I realized we had a lot in common, and that she displays MANY traits I look for in an ideal mate. We went back to my place and watched tv and just kept talking it was nice. I walked her back to her room, and it wasn't really romantic, but I kissed her, and she was receptive. BAD timing because I'm going home for spring break in 2 days meaning I would have to keep long distant contact again. THis girl far exceeded my expectations, and I would like to keep things on a steady uphill path. I'm guessing I could ask her to hangout again tomorrow, I know that may normally seem clingy, but if I don't, I wont be able to see her again for about two weeks =\ I guess my question is, what is the best way to approach this so I don't end up Friend ZOned again?
welikeincrowds Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 This situation isn't as bad as you think. Working professionals often encounter a scenario where they're too busy to have too many dates right away, and have to maintain gaps in between dates. Two weeks is not too long. Also, your previous example seems like a different situation. Straight up long-distance is different from a planned break. The real problem is that you don't actually know if she wants to have a second date at all, regardless of spring break. So what you have here is mostly a pretty typical beginning stages situation. Here's what I would do: call her up to let her know you're going out of town, and plan a date (as in, pick a number on the calendar) for when you get back. While you're gone, give her plenty of space, but don't outright disappear. Send her just a few cute texts here and there or something, whatever is your style, just enough to keep you fresh and her thinking of you. Then, when you get back, call her up to confirm the date (not really to converse). There may be a little awkwardness for the first 5-10 minutes or so of your date, so just be ready for it as it's normal and will pass. Then you're good to go!
Author Unbalanced Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 This situation isn't as bad as you think. Working professionals often encounter a scenario where they're too busy to have too many dates right away, and have to maintain gaps in between dates. Two weeks is not too long. Also, your previous example seems like a different situation. Straight up long-distance is different from a planned break. The real problem is that you don't actually know if she wants to have a second date at all, regardless of spring break. So what you have here is mostly a pretty typical beginning stages situation. Here's what I would do: call her up to let her know you're going out of town, and plan a date (as in, pick a number on the calendar) for when you get back. While you're gone, give her plenty of space, but don't outright disappear. Send her just a few cute texts here and there or something, whatever is your style, just enough to keep you fresh and her thinking of you. Then, when you get back, call her up to confirm the date (not really to converse). There may be a little awkwardness for the first 5-10 minutes or so of your date, so just be ready for it as it's normal and will pass. Then you're good to go! So should I not ask her to hang out tomorrow? Like I said, I don't want to appear clingy, I just feel that since I actually CAN see her before I leave for break, I should try to
welikeincrowds Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 So should I not ask her to hang out tomorrow? Like I said, I don't want to appear clingy, I just feel that since I actually CAN see her before I leave for break, I should try to That's your call. Personally, I wouldn't (and wouldn't want to), but that's my style. With decisions like this, don't put too much attention toward how it might seem to her/what she thinks anyway, and put much more stock instead into what you actually want to do. Not that I think it'll go poorly, but even if it did, you'll be much happier and secure in the long run knowing that you acted how you wanted to. It takes her out of the equation for your happiness. That also means that you shouldn't hang out with her if the only reason you want to is because you're afraid of losing some opportunity if you don't, and not because you actually want to see her tomorrow and would not prefer to do anything else. Act on your own desires, internally, and the people who best respond to you will naturally filter themselves in and out of your life, at no identity-shattering consequence to you. Also, the clinginess concern is often overblown for people who are actually aware of it. Besides, we have a lot of influence over how people think of us. If you're afraid that you're being clingy, she'll be afraid that you're being clingy. If you feel like it's a natural thing to do, then she'll go with it.
zakfar Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) Well, I'll say you should call her and tell her that you're leaving for 2 weeks. Would she like to spend some more time with you, as you would be away for 2 weeks, and wouldn't be possible for you then. It will help you in many ways. Even if she denies you for this second date, she will learn that you are interested in her. Don't worry about being clingy. If you are interested in her, there is nothing wrong with being a little clingy. If you don't tell her, and just take a break of 2 weeks, and she actually liked you, she might feel that you are not contacting her because of her reaction that day on your approach. Don't take her too negatively if she denies you. Contact her once again when you are back if you are interested to see her. When you are interested in someone, then go for her. This is life. There can be many reasons for her to deny you for something. Don't start making assumptions. Sometimes, some people are simply shy, slow, or have negative approach to start the things up, but with time, they prove to be good partners. Edited April 12, 2011 by zakfar
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