conehead Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I just found out today. My friend lives across the country from me and she has been off and on with this guy (he was never officially her bf since he had commitment issues) for 9 whole years. They were 'together' when he killed himself on Thursday due to his depression issues. It's very similar to the Carrie/Big relationship in Sex and the City and he's the only guy she's ever been in love with. He's what she called the love of her life. I felt so awful for her when I found out today. She emailed me the news and I tried to call her but she'd rather not talk right now. I'm not sure what the etiquette is...I don't know if I should send her flowers or anything. And if so, I don't even have her address and I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to ask. She is attending his funeral tomorrow. At the same time, I can't even imagine how she must feel. I wonder if she blames herself for his death..I think she probably does but I really hope not. Her family is very dysfunctional and she said in her email that since his suicide that she's been trying to be with at least one friend at all times. I'm scared she might have suicidal thoughts....she truly was in love with him and him only. I wonder, will she ever recover from this? Will she blame herself? What can I do to help her?
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) First off I offer my condolences that must of been some terrible news to hear. A friend of a friend went through a similar situation. Her boyfriend had a aneurysm one day and dropped dead. She has blamed her self for his death because they had broken up about a week before hand over what in hindsight was a very petty argument. You have tried calling but she is obviously in no state to talk right now. My friend tried calling his friend and she didn't answer (for obvious reasons). He did however send her an email afterwards expressing his condolences and that if she ever needed someone to talk to, not to hesitate to contact him. She didn't read it right away (once again for obvious reasons) but when she did get around to it, it meant a lot to her. So maybe try that approach? She has never forgiven herself for what happened this was around 6 years ago. Hopefully your friend does not end up blaming herself but I imagine it will take quite some time to get over. Edited April 11, 2011 by Hules
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I would e-mail, and state CLEARLY that you are there if and when she needs someone to talk with. She will eventually conclude that his depression was independent of her, and then she will move on with her life. Just be there to listen to her if she needs to talk.
zakfar Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 This is indeed a bad situation, and I really feel sorry for your friend, and her bf. I don't think you can do much right now. Sending an email, as Hules and SincereOnlineGuy said, can be good. But I don't think she will open her email right now. She will be more busy with 'Crying' and 'Feeling Regret'. She would not talk to anyone. Even the people around her, she will avoid to talk to them. Maybe staying in her room, watching the wall, and trying to remember the time with him. She would be going through a bad situation. No doubt about it. After passing some time, taking her to a psychiatrist will be some help. But that should wait for some months. Are you the only one being worried about her? Does she currently live alone? If she's alone, then it's bad, and your concern is right that she can kill herself. At this stage, she can think about any bad thing, depending upon how does her mind take the whole situation. She should not live alone. If she lives with someone, and mainly with her parents, it will be lot better for her. I hope it helps. Zakfar.
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