sigurpol Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Not seeking any SERIOUS advice, just a topic that I feel like a lot of people can relate to. I think it's almost comical at times. The other night, I took advantage of my weekend off and went out with some close/good friends of mine. My one good friend invited his sister (whom I'm almost friends with) and she brought another group of her OWN friends. I sort of knew some of them, just their faces, but officially met them all that night. One of the girls noticed my tattoo-sleeve and asked about it, and I explained it's from a movie/book. We got talking (form across the table) until she told me to move on her side.. so I moved a little closer around the table and she told me to sit next to her. Don't mind if I do. She's super cute, mind you, and from our conversation we had, she was into great films, movies, and books. The big three! Haha. Very easy to talk to and a great listener. After we all decided to head home, I asked if I could hitch a ride with my friends sister since I didn't trust myself to drive. She was cool about it, and I got into the car, and saw that her friend (the one I had been talking to) was also in the backseat. Her and I sat pretty close, flirted a bit, and exchanged numbers. She told me that we should hang out sometime. Good stuff. Today, I get into work, and my good friend that I was out with the other night says, "I've been meaning to ask you... you don't mind if I ask out ____, do you?" At first, I said it was totally fine.. since he's really been down about trying to find/meet someone. He asked if I was sure, because he noticed her and I hanging out for most of the evening. I laughed and said, yea, we were obviously spending a lot of time together that night... But I don't mind at all, go for it. On the inside, I'm like, "aw mannnnnn!!!". However, he went into that he's been talking with her for a while and texting, and that's why he asked me. It's not on some crazy whim. Again, I totally understand. Like I said, I love my friends but.. dang-it. Anyone else have this happen?
Sanman Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Two options here, Tell your friend that if he strikes out that you are going for it because you like her too. That way you may get a shot and minimize jealousy, though he may still hate you if you get the girl. The other option is is back off and do nothing...find other women. This is why I very rarely hit on girls that I meet through friends unless I really like them. There is always a friend of mine with a crush lurking somewhere.
iJester Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Give him a deadline to ask her. Tell him that you're asking her out at the end of this week.
Author sigurpol Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 This is why calling DIBS is so important! Hahaha, I know, right? When he first asked me, I thought about slowly turning back around (my back was facing him when he originally told me) with just a frown/pissed off look on my face. But yea, Sanman, that crossed my mind too. I of course wouldn't hop on board the next day if I heard it fell through for him. If I ever did, I would ask him beforehand. But I'm not totally invested in this person. So it isn't a big deal.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 How often does this happen? If it's more than occasionally, then you may be exempt from the whole "not dating friend's exes" rule. Either that or your friends owe you one.
Star Gazer Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I don't see the problem here HAD YOU JUST BEEN HONEST with him about how you felt too. Next time, speak up and say you're vining her too, and let the best man win!!!
reservoirdog1 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 He's cockblocking you. If they've been texting for awhile and haven't gone out yet, it's probably because she's not interested in him. Then he sees her flirting with you and gets jealous. He probably knew you'd say yes when he asked you if he can ask her out. Et voila... he's successfully pulled off a bit of the "if I can't have her nobody else can" BS. Kind of a dick move on his part, if you ask me.
stace79 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 He's cockblocking you. If they've been texting for awhile and haven't gone out yet, it's probably because she's not interested in him. Then he sees her flirting with you and gets jealous. He probably knew you'd say yes when he asked you if he can ask her out. Et voila... he's successfully pulled off a bit of the "if I can't have her nobody else can" BS. Kind of a dick move on his part, if you ask me. As a female, I agree with this. From your description it sounds like she clearly had an interest in you, too. And if she gave you her number, that means she actually wants you to call. If I were this girl and found out what happened, I'd be pissed and thinking that it would be nice if *I* could have some say in who is able to date me. I agree with the above though... if they've been "texting" for awhile, that doesn't mean anything. Just because he likes another girl doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to feel things out, too!
waynesworld Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I agree with some of the above posters that if she and the friend have been talking for a while and haven't been on a date yet, that it'll probably never happen. At best (for the friend), they go on one date and he gets friend-zoned. He seems like a "nice guy". So, OP, I suggest you just wait this one out. No need to start competing with a good friend over a girl neither of you has even dated yet.
Star Gazer Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 He's cockblocking you. If they've been texting for awhile and haven't gone out yet, it's probably because she's not interested in him. Then he sees her flirting with you and gets jealous. He probably knew you'd say yes when he asked you if he can ask her out. Et voila... he's successfully pulled off a bit of the "if I can't have her nobody else can" BS. Kind of a dick move on his part, if you ask me. I also totally agree with this.
Author sigurpol Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 How often does this happen? If it's more than occasionally, then you may be exempt from the whole "not dating friend's exes" rule. Either that or your friends owe you one. Between us? Hardly ever, actually. Come to think of it... this is the only time this has ever happened between us. The only time this has happened was with my friends up at college, when I assumed my buddy was done chasing this girl.. then I went out with her a week or so later, haha. But we're still good friends. I agree with some of the above posters that if she and the friend have been talking for a while and haven't been on a date yet, that it'll probably never happen. At best (for the friend), they go on one date and he gets friend-zoned. He seems like a "nice guy". So, OP, I suggest you just wait this one out. No need to start competing with a good friend over a girl neither of you has even dated yet. This was something I was considering. I feel like my point goes a little further than getting dibs and the whole "best man wins" sorta thing. I'm not saying that approach is silly, but it's something I'm not comfortable with. I've know this guy for over 15 years, we're good friends, haha. Had it been some other guy that I didn't really know, I wouldn't have thought about it. Plus, he's had a hell of a drought with women. I don't wanna swoop in.. just yet He's cockblocking you. If they've been texting for awhile and haven't gone out yet, it's probably because she's not interested in him. Then he sees her flirting with you and gets jealous. He probably knew you'd say yes when he asked you if he can ask her out. Et voila... he's successfully pulled off a bit of the "if I can't have her nobody else can" BS. Kind of a dick move on his part, if you ask me. Really? I mean, I'm not knocking your advice. I like to hear all ends of arguments, but that never struck me as that. I mean, I can't say he did that on purpose.. or maybe I'm just really naive. Although, you do raise a point that's been on my back burner. I feel like she was very forthcoming with me, to the point of having her hands on me for the majority of the night. So it begs the question, how/why are they still talking? I know it's a fluke-thing to talk about, but I'm starting to see some Facebook wall-to-wall action between them. Maybe she's just looking for fun? Haha. Dig your avatar by the way.
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