navyguy11 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 So this problem started a couple of weeks ago. My wife and i have been together for some time now and have a 6 month old son who we love dearly. I'm about to finish my college degree in less than a month and then going into the navy full time afterwards which means moving in a couple of months. My wife has never been away from her family that much besides being at school with me (school is only 2 and a half hours away from her home). Her dad recently went on vacation for two weeks out of the country and her and the baby went up there to stay and take care of the house while i stayed at school. I try to come up on the weekend to be with them, i miss them so much during the week. But since she has been up there she has started to change her behavior and the way she acts towards me. She has been remaking connections with some old friends one male and one female. The female friend isn't really a concern, the male friend on the other hand is. He recently asked if he could keep some of his ducks that he has at her dad's place and he agreed with it. He is still in high school and about to graduate as well. The Problem: Now onto the problem, it all started on spring break. i thought it would be a good chance for us to be able to spend time together without me being bogged down with school work. But she wanted to spend more time with her friend than with me, usually gone most of the day leaving me to take care of the baby the entire week "which wasn't much of a problem i love spending time with my son". but it became a problem when i decided to go outside and spend time with her she just kinda brushes me off and gets annoyed. I started to worry that something might be going on, when he comes over she would say that they are going out to check on his ducks but a hour and a half later i would go out to the barn and they would be on the hay stack talking, "it was innocent, she said that they used to do that all the time when she was in highschool" i asked her to stop hanging out in the barn and she understood that it didn't look good and she agreed. But it didn't end there she continued to spend more time with him. After spring break she had to go back up to watch over her dad's house, the first week past and i came up that weekend, but i sensed something was wrong, i came up expecting us to spend time together, but she was continually txting him and her other friend the whole first night, i got upset and asked her what was going on? she got defensive and said nothing was going on and to drop it. Later on that night she tells me that she has lost her affection toward me for some time, since before she was pregnant, (as a side note, our sexual relationship used to be really good, and we could do basically what we wanted in bed, but i went too far a couple of times, i have learned from those mistakes and have changed my attitude since) but that she doesn't feel like having a close relationship since then and can't get over it. She said that she will never leave me because she doesn't believe in divorce and we have the responsibility to our son to be there for him as he grows up. She then at that time confesses to me that her male friend told her a couple weeks before that he has feelings for her, she doesn't feel the same way and that it had come up before when she was still in high school but nothing has come of it, and that her male friend wouldn't do anything out of respect for me. She also told me at that time that she was still going to hangout with him and talk to him, they txt all the time still and he even says good night to her right before each of them go to bed. So since then she doesn't tell me her whole plans she is still up at her dad's house but when i last visited i asked if they had spent time together and she said not really, he friend has a new dance game that she has been playing and she tells me that she goes over to her female friends house who owns the game and that it's just her and her female friend, i went over there to play and her friend gave it away that her and her male friend have the high score. I asked about it afterwards and she got defensive again and said she forgot to mention it and it was impossible for her to remember every detail of her life. I tried to reason with her about my worries by saying that if we had switched places how would she would feel about this whole situation, she said that she would be pissed of and not talk to me, she also said that she knows she would ask like that but i shouldn't act like that/not allowed to act like that. Now am i overreacting to the situation, what should i do? I love her more than anything in the world but when she says things like, "i'm going out with some of my friends, but i think you should stay her because i don't think you would fit in". or be more distant from me like not sit down next to me or talk to me a whole lot when her male friend is around, for example they both came in from checking on the ducks and i was sitting on the couch she would stand in the middle of the room or closer to him.
WorldIsYours Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 So this problem started a couple of weeks ago. My wife and i have been together for some time now and have a 6 month old son who we love dearly. I'm about to finish my college degree in less than a month and then going into the navy full time afterwards which means moving in a couple of months. My wife has never been away from her family that much besides being at school with me (school is only 2 and a half hours away from her home). Her dad recently went on vacation for two weeks out of the country and her and the baby went up there to stay and take care of the house while i stayed at school. I try to come up on the weekend to be with them, i miss them so much during the week. But since she has been up there she has started to change her behavior and the way she acts towards me. She has been remaking connections with some old friends one male and one female. The female friend isn't really a concern, the male friend on the other hand is. He recently asked if he could keep some of his ducks that he has at her dad's place and he agreed with it. He is still in high school and about to graduate as well. The Problem: Now onto the problem, it all started on spring break. i thought it would be a good chance for us to be able to spend time together without me being bogged down with school work. But she wanted to spend more time with her friend than with me, usually gone most of the day leaving me to take care of the baby the entire week "which wasn't much of a problem i love spending time with my son". but it became a problem when i decided to go outside and spend time with her she just kinda brushes me off and gets annoyed. I started to worry that something might be going on, when he comes over she would say that they are going out to check on his ducks but a hour and a half later i would go out to the barn and they would be on the hay stack talking, "it was innocent, she said that they used to do that all the time when she was in highschool" i asked her to stop hanging out in the barn and she understood that it didn't look good and she agreed. But it didn't end there she continued to spend more time with him. After spring break she had to go back up to watch over her dad's house, the first week past and i came up that weekend, but i sensed something was wrong, i came up expecting us to spend time together, but she was continually txting him and her other friend the whole first night, i got upset and asked her what was going on? she got defensive and said nothing was going on and to drop it. Later on that night she tells me that she has lost her affection toward me for some time, since before she was pregnant, (as a side note, our sexual relationship used to be really good, and we could do basically what we wanted in bed, but i went too far a couple of times, i have learned from those mistakes and have changed my attitude since) but that she doesn't feel like having a close relationship since then and can't get over it. She said that she will never leave me because she doesn't believe in divorce and we have the responsibility to our son to be there for him as he grows up. She then at that time confesses to me that her male friend told her a couple weeks before that he has feelings for her, she doesn't feel the same way and that it had come up before when she was still in high school but nothing has come of it, and that her male friend wouldn't do anything out of respect for me. She also told me at that time that she was still going to hangout with him and talk to him, they txt all the time still and he even says good night to her right before each of them go to bed. So since then she doesn't tell me her whole plans she is still up at her dad's house but when i last visited i asked if they had spent time together and she said not really, he friend has a new dance game that she has been playing and she tells me that she goes over to her female friends house who owns the game and that it's just her and her female friend, i went over there to play and her friend gave it away that her and her male friend have the high score. I asked about it afterwards and she got defensive again and said she forgot to mention it and it was impossible for her to remember every detail of her life. I tried to reason with her about my worries by saying that if we had switched places how would she would feel about this whole situation, she said that she would be pissed of and not talk to me, she also said that she knows she would ask like that but i shouldn't act like that/not allowed to act like that. Now am i overreacting to the situation, what should i do? I love her more than anything in the world but when she says things like, "i'm going out with some of my friends, but i think you should stay her because i don't think you would fit in". or be more distant from me like not sit down next to me or talk to me a whole lot when her male friend is around, for example they both came in from checking on the ducks and i was sitting on the couch she would stand in the middle of the room or closer to him. Please divorce this woman. She sounds like a kid.
Jane Deaux Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Wow. Sounds like a teenager deep in a crush (or more) on someone else. To be honest, I would hope that after writing(typing) all that out, you would realize that all clues point to something going on. So yes, concerning your question, you should be worried. There is something between them. Ask her point blank and watch her body language.
Bryanp Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 You would have to be in major denial not to believe something is happening. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting as you have been? How much disrespect are you willing to endure?
TMCM Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 You would have to be in major denial not to believe something is happening. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting as you have been? How much disrespect are you willing to endure? Indeed. Listen to Bryanp's words over and over again until they get through to you. Most married women would not tolerate their husbands behaving in that kind of fashion with other women, so why should married men tolerate that behavior from their wives with other men? Forgive me for being crude but 'grow a pair' and issue her an ultimatum that she either ends all contact with this male 'friend' and starts acting like a wife again or you will file for divorce. If she still values you, she will drop this intruder like a bad habit and if she doesn't then you know where you stand in her life.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Its too far gone now. She checked out of your relationship emotionally long before the kid. She probably has been fooling around with his guy, and everything she tells you is a lie. She is trying to make herself look good. Your relationship is completely overt when the spark is gone, and it wont come back while she sees you trying. You need to separate and stay separated for at least a year, or until she realizes that it wont work out with her friend. Do not let her walk over you, tell her now that she can have him. You will be surprised how fast she believes in divorce when you tell her you will divorce her and she can have him. Right now she is having her cake and eating it too. You are waiting for her while she gets to fool around with this guy. You are her safety net. When you let her know you wont be her safety net, she might start rethingking her situation. But in reality, you dont want to be with someone who gave up on your marriage long ago and didnt let you know.
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