dryerase Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 This is a re-post from the dating forum; think this subforum is a better place to post. My friend has been dating her boyfriend for 3 years now and mentioned a couple of things to me that I found very shady, and I don't know what kind of advice to give her. I was wondering what you all thought. He has had a lot of girlfriends in the past, some of whom he still occasionally keeps in touch with, and she got nervous at one point and looked at some of his text messages (yes, not great, but maybe the end justified the means). She found that he had texted an ex-girlfriend a while ago to send him a picture of her breasts to which the ex had replied, lol. When he was confronted about this, his response was, "It was just a joke relating to the past, I didn't mean it or really get a picture like that." He sent another text to the same ex-girlfriend several months later mentioning that he was passing by a hotel that the two of them had stayed at (this is while my friend was next to him). His response to that was, "yeah, I could see how that would be inappropriate" and apologized. Finally, she saw a text he wrote to his (male) friend asking the guy if he felt like f*&$%'ing girls at a meeting they were at. His response again here was he was totally joking, no big deal. She didn't find any other texts that were concerning, but he also chats on the computer with friends (she is not sure if with the ex'es). This guy strikes me as a smooth talker and is very good at smoothing things over in general. I am wondering if this constellation of texts is extremely weird to you all, or given that he was "just joking", if it's not a big deal. She doesn't want to look at his texts anymore, but this admittedly gave her some cause for concern. Thanks!
PegNosePete Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Well if she is happy to put up with that kind of "joking" forever then she can stay with him. Personally for me I would say goodbye, not necessarily because of any individual bad thing he has done but because these are not the actions of someone who is committed to a relationship. If he doesn't realize that being in a relationship for 3 years means that kind of joke isn't appropriate then he is obviously not LTR material.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I have to agree with Pete. Everything does sound very "shady". He sounds like he knows how to think fast on his feet, and makes everything in to a joke. Disrespecting your SO is not a joke. He sounds like he still needs, at the very least, the adoration of other females. Not the kind of guy I would want to stay involved with.
BeginAgain Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 If she can't trust him no matter the truth of these occurrences she should move on unless she likes driving herself insane, and for women like her that's the appeal of such a relationship. She gets some sort of psychological benefit from being with a guy other girls want that she needs to fight for and playing conspiracy theory even if it looks like she is miserable.
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