dryerase Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 My friend has been dating her boyfriend for 3 years now and mentioned a couple of things to me that I found very shady, and I don't know what kind of advice to give her. I was wondering what you all thought. He has had a lot of girlfriends in the past, some of whom he still occasionally keeps in touch with, and she got nervous at one point and looked at some of his text messages (yes, not great, but maybe the end justified the means). She found that he had texted an ex-girlfriend a while ago to send him a picture of her breasts to which the ex had replied, lol. When he was confronted about this, his response was, "It was just a joke relating to the past, I didn't mean it or really get a picture like that." He sent another text to the same ex-girlfriend several months later mentioning that he was passing by a hotel that the two of them had stayed at (this is while my best friend was next to him). His response to that was, "yeah, I could see how that would be inappropriate" and apologized. Finally, she saw a text he wrote to his (male) friend asking the guy if he felt like f*&$%'ing girls at a meeting they were at. His response again here was he was totally joking, no big deal. She didn't find any other texts that were concerning, but he also chats on the computer with friends (she is not sure if with the ex'es). This guy strikes me as a smooth talker and is very good at smoothing things over in general. I am wondering if this constellation of texts is extremely weird to you all, or given that he was "just joking", if it's not a big deal. She doesn't want to look at his texts anymore, but this admittedly gave her some cause for concern. Thanks!
notuneak Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Completely weird to me. He's looking for some side action.
Nexus One Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I swear I'm not making this up and it doesn't have to apply to your situation, but the last guy I talked to that acted like that has had sex with over 200 women and he's only at the age of 25. He mentioned he has cheated on his girlfriends, but that it wasn't cheating in his eyes, because the sex he had outside of relationships was without emotion/feelings, hence he said his girlfriends shouldn't think it's a big deal and make a fuss about it. The biggest red flag in the situation you describe in my opinion is that he says it's no big deal TO HIM. But it's not HIS feelings that are being violated here and the fact that he doesn't thoroughly get that is alarming. He views these things from HIS perspective only and if you extend that attitude into other things of the relationship, well then you do the math. And the most obvious thing of all is of course that a man shouldn't be acting like that when in a relationship. That behavior is without respect towards his girlfriend. The way he acted is immature, inconsiderate and disrespectful at the very least. On top of that he keeps doing those sort of things.
Author dryerase Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 200 people! My god. Yeah, I find the creepiest thing about him is his ability to make a level-headed person (my friend) think that maybe what he was doing was ok, because he is such a sweet talker.
veggirl Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Totally inappropriate. He is completely disrespecting this girl. I'd hate to know all the things she hasn't seen. This crap is the tip of the iceberg, no doubt.
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