Zany90 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Basically about 3 weeks ago, there was a huge argument where my ex girlfriend terminated the relationship, was screaming at me about all these incidents from years ago, and was basically of the tone "i hate you i dont ever want to speak to you again", she was furious, and to be honest it was over something that wasnt really that significant that it deserved that kind of a reaction.... So as the days went on there was too and fro arguing where basically i was pissed off at all the things she said and she was pissed off at me, i am as guilty as her for dragging the argument on.... The last text message was nearly a week ago, i just texted saying "I hope you find happiness obviously i wasnt the right man to give you it" or something, she wrote back the same saying she hopes i find happiness... and i just havent contacted her since But last night, i got a text saying "Hope you are ok. I know we are broken up but i just want you to know that if you ever need to talk or anything i care about you and i will be here" ... Im not sure how i feel about it, my friends seem to think its a disgusting thing to say in that shes rubbing salt into the wounds, especially since she broke up with me... but part of me thinks she was being nice and letting me know she hasnt gone completley I love this girl so much, as of yet i havent written back to the message, but should i? Part of me wants to, but i dont want to look like a walkover either... But truth be told i DO NOT want it to get to the stage where we never speak again, shes been my world for like 5 years
Author Zany90 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 by the way i would also like to add that after telling me not to contact her and that she hated me and all, 2 days later i was getting text messages saying how "you just dont care and its rediculous that you would give up on the relationship just like that, if you loved me you wouldnt just let me walk away", confusing and my head really hasnt been in a good place.
robinseggblue Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 "you just dont care and its rediculous that you would give up on the relationship just like that, if you loved me you wouldnt just let me walk away", She wants you back. Give her a call. Women want you to fight for their love so that they know you truly want them. Please call her.
Author Zany90 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 Well then why did she have to go and tell me that she hated me and never wanted me to speak to her again? The mind games are just too much to handle, i just wish it would be more straightforward.... my friend is of the opinion that she sent me that message so that i will text her or ring her and tell her how down i am, and that that will only feed her ego and thats the reason why she sent it... its not the first time she has broken up with me, it almost feels like i was always having to try and get back with her, i want her, but i want her to know that she cant just say that and get away with it like im some sort of a mug
fetish Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) i'm not so sure. she may want you back but you should make her do all the work since she's the one who decided to end the relationship. Otherwise,you will look like a walkover and she won't respect you and probably do the same thing again eventually later on down the road. Yes, i agree that women want you to chase them, but only if they deserve it. The moment they decide to end the relationship without there being a major cause, i think they lose that right. Edited April 10, 2011 by fetish
Author Zany90 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 in a way i want to text back and just say "thanks" or something, but everybody else is saying DO NOT text her, and ive been readin about no contact aswell, and i do want her to miss me, not that she can just say she hates me break up with me and then snap her fingers and presto im there... but the whole thing could end up backfiring too, if she was to try the "i contacted you and you just ignored me" card, just cant win
robinseggblue Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 It sounds to me like she is not feeling secure for some reason. That is what usually leads to the games. People don't play games just for the sake of playing them. Try to figure out why she needs you to chase her in the first place. Are you doing something that is making her feel insecure?
fetish Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) i know the feeling. you feel if you go complete NC, she'll be slipping away even further. I'm going through the same thing, me and my ex just broke up 2 months ago after 8 years together. She fell into the GIGS syndrome where she wanted to hang out and enjoy life and be free to do what she wanted to do, so we both ended it. She actually wanted me to chase after her but i didn't. I still love her and I want her to miss me too. I've gone LC but not full and complete NC. Its hard to just cut someone out of my life so fast whose been by my side for so long. She was the one initiating contact. She called me last week to see how i was and still wants to have sex. I've met with her twice in the last 2 months since our b/u , even though i know this could be detrimental to my healing. She hasn't been contacting me as much though! I'm just going to cotinue not contacting her. It's still hard but i know it will get easier. The only way out is through. Edited April 10, 2011 by fetish
Author Zany90 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 i just texted back saying "thanks for the text, hope you are feeling ok too x" hopefully i did the right thing. My concience is clearer for it, and the fact i didnt just jump straight away is hopefully a good thing, also, i didnt really say too much so im not giving her the impression that im desperate or need her
Author Zany90 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I just don't know what to do. It's been about a week since she last said she thinks we need to stay apart, then that text on Saturday night. Do you think that was her reaching out or not? I don't know if I should text or call her and just ask how she is etc? Ppl say to keep nc for about a month, but part of me is worried if I keep it up she will think I just don't care but at the same time it was her who ended it. Please help
Author Zany90 Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 bump... trying to work out if i should give her a text or a call when i get home from work tomorrow just cant decide... i love her so so so much but i dont know if i should contact her:(
Layzie89 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Search the forum for "Gators guide to NC". Theres alot of useful information there that would aid you in deciding whether or not to contact her. My opinion? Dont. You're not showing her you don't care about her. You're showing her that you have enough dignity and self respect to allow yourself to heal. You're showing her that you're man enough to walk away and that you don't need herin your life to be happy.
smudge21 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 My thoughts are you replied back in a nice simple way. Leave it at that, let her make the next move and you try and concentrate on you. I know it's tough, but try not to think about it too much now. Wait to see what she does. I too am waiting for that first text from the ex... well, maybe waiting is the wrong word as I'm on NC. More hopefull but not trying to think about it. If she were to text something basic like I miss you or how are you, then I too would probably keep it simple and reply back like you did. I'm all for NC, but I think it's not something that should be taken as a rule as every situation is different. It also depends on how the relationship ended. Mine we split but tried to remain friends, but it didn't work (we still had feelings). It wasn't nasty in any way, so I would not ignore her if she said hi, so to speak. But in the same sense, I wouldn't join in on any mind games or flirting, that kinda' thing. Use your judgement. Take advice from here but also go with what your heart tells you. No one knows you or your ex better than you do. Good luck.
Author Zany90 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Well I'm an idiot...I ended up texting her yesterday.... She wrote back instantly and when I asked how things were she said, alrite, not good but alrite, not sleeping well... Wasn't an in depth conversation but I didn't mention anything about how I felt, she asked about my mum etc, then my batt died and I fell asleep after work. So I texted today just saying that conversation ended a bit abruptly an explained why,asked her what she had been up to.... And did she bother writing back? NO. any power I had from no contact is now gone, I've sent out the signal you can scream at me, call me names , dump me and I'l still text u asking how u are... And she probably prancing about thinking I'm not even worth writing back to. I am so ANGRY for even bothering, I'm about to snap, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! B1tch
Layzie89 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Don't beat yourself up for it man. It's only been 3 weeks since the breakup...and you crumbled once. No biggy bro, just restart NC and stick with it this time around. You know how it feels now to have broken NC and the setback it causes, learn from it. Good luck brother
2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I had this **** with my ex too, I just got sick of her power play and fake persona and just stopped contacting her in all manner. Believe me you will go insane trying to figure it all out and try and get back to her, at this time she is is a state of flux and emotion, doesn't know what she wants, she keeps baiting you and if you keep biting you will be pushing and pulling for a long time. Best just to cut the cord and move on. 2011
Author Zany90 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) Turns out she wrote back eventually, just sayin shed been just workin, drinkin, lazin about etc asked what I'd been at, told her a few things I'd been doin and she is the last person to have texted sayin 'cool, I miss "activity" that's good news about your interviews :-)" ..... Should I just leave it that way that she's the last one to have tested and go NC again and see if she contacts me? I'm sik of chasing her, I want her to chase me for a big change Edited April 13, 2011 by Zany90
Lil1 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Zany if you really love her then give her the space she needs to sort her life out. If she truly loves you believe me she will 'chase' you because she knows at this point that you still have very strong feelings for her. I advise to not initiate contact with her anymore. Let her do the reaching out to you, in the meantime try and move on with your own life. Like I said, if she truly loves you and respects you she will stop with the games and rach out to you and make up her mind to be with you. Be there for her when she reaches out to you, but only as a friend. Let her see how much she truly needs/loves you. Concentrate on yourself for now and take it one day at a time. With patience and distance you will find clarity and be at peace once again. Good luck!
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