bslchump Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Since I moved back home things have been "ok". I've made a thread or two about it, so I won't rehash what I've already said. I decided to visit some friends for a few days and take my mind off of things, but yesterday my friend told me she just changed her relationship status on facebook to "in a relationship with (@#$hole guy)". I had DELIBERATELY defriended her so I wouldn't have to see that kind of stuff, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though I was surrounded by friends all day, I felt like all of my smiles were fake. I still haven't stopped thinking about it. Sometimes It'll just hit me and I'm just bummy for a few hours. I know all LSers frown on it, but I still had that tiny spark of hope for whatever reason. Maybe she'll realize what she did and think she made a mistake and yadda yadda. This just kind of smothered that for the time being and it hurts. I've started to compare my current life to what it was when I was with her and it just depresses me. I like practically everything about my previous life 10x more than my current one. She feels like the keystone that's missing. I've spoken to her maybe twice in the past few weeks, but only through text message and only about money. I want so badly to just forget about her and not care about what she does, but my imagination runs wild and it feels like constant stabbing pains in my chest. Something about her being ok with publicly announcing her relationship is tough for me to handle. A few months ago HE was the other guy trying to weasel his way in, and now I'm the guy looking from the outside in. It makes me feel awful.
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Mcnulty Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I'll try not to type this in Russian!! For every girl with a broken heart, there's a guy with a glue gun. It cuts you to the quick to find out about another guy, I know. Sounds like she has moved on and that has knocked back any hope for a reconciliation...it stinks, but what can you do from now? I wouldn't contact her first off. Your time is now and you've got to start looking after number one, she's moving forward and you can do that too. Make a list of all the things that are good about you...also make a list of all the things you didn't like about the relationship...I did this and referred to both lists in my darkest times...it helped. Remember, happiness comes from your own actions, not others.
Author bslchump Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I've only contacted her in response to the 2 things that seemed necessary to respond to. She hasnt texted about anything else, so, (un)lucky me? I've been just awful since I made the first post. I've felt ready to break down all morning but I haven't been pushed over the edge. I'm absolutely filled with regret today, even though everyone assures me it wasn't my fault. I wish I told her I loved her more and took her more places. I wish I had tried to work things out better when a fight started. I wish I would have appreciated her more when I had the chance to. I don't know how to even complain without repeating myself at this point, and my friends are down to the, "well screw her" arguement. But I still am just sick about everything. I had several dreams about her again last night and contemplated calling her as soon as I woke up, but it wouldn't do any good. I don't even have anything to say to her. She's made her choice and I have to live with it. I honestly thought hanging out with my friends for a week straight would make me feel better, but it really hasn't. Now I'm out of ideas other than "sit in my room and mope." everytime something happens, I immediately think of how she would like/dislike it. Rarrrrg. I just want to forget she ever existed.
Popondetta Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) I understand your pain, as I'm going through the same (my ex bf hasn't found a new girl that I know, but it still hurts like h!!! that he's not mine anymore..). First of all I would tell my friends to NOT give you any information about your ex. The good part of you knowing though, is that you'll get over her faster than if she wasn't with somebody new. I can totally understand that this doesn't make you feel any better right now, but at least your worst possible fear has now come true and it can't get much worse. Anything is uphill from now on for you. (I'm still dreading the say I will see my ex with a new gf. It would be ****ty, cause it just makes all hope go away). I haven't read your previous threads on the case, but I'm sure both you and I will get over this in some time. I've booked an appointment with a hypnosis therapist to hopefully help me stop obsessing with my ex. Will let LS-members know if it was of any help... Hope you're feeling better! Edit: And if your friends aren't giving you any feedback or thougts that help you, then please use all of us here at LS, or see a cognitive therapist or something if you can afford it. It's important to talk or write about it to someone Edited April 11, 2011 by Popondetta added info
JasonRules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Have any of you ever heard the proverb "Curiousity killed the cat"? Your curiousity got the best of you. As long as you continue to feel even the slightest of feelings for your exes, its BEST to not inquire into their lives at all. Defriend them from FB, do not text, call, or email them. Do not ask their friends or your friends what's going on in their lives or if they've found a new person. Ask your friends to NOT voluntarily provide you with information. Its 1000 times better to be in the dark about your ex. Otherwise you will suffer panic attacks or relapses. As the saying goes "What you don't know cannot kill you"...
Author bslchump Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I didn't actually ask at all. We were just sitting around and he goes, "oh yeah, she posted that she was in a relationship the other day." And then he called her some names. I asked him not to do it again and I had been avoiding any contact so I wouldn't have to see that stuff.
timchambo Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 keep your chin up buddy. I know how it feels. Its like you knew they were an item, but the fact that she is making it publicly known takes it to the next step. You don't want to know when that NEXT step comes, so best to inform your friends to keep their mouths shut now. This temporary phase of depression will fade in a couple days. Your mind just needs to come to terms with it I guess. Even though the grape vine tells me my ex has her doubts and contemplates trying to return, they also say there are talks of marriage at some point with the new guy. Even though I don't want her back regardless, it still made my blood boil for a couple days. If it makes you feel any better, just because its "official" with the new guy, doesn't mean she is not filled with guilt right about now. She's not doing this with a clean conscience unless she's a sociopath. At some point that will hopefully get the best of her and ruin that relationship. I know thats all I hoped for. I don't care what happens after my ex's current one, but I'd hate to see a happy ending from something that started the way it did.
YellowShark Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 As I said in another thread the reason I dislike Facebook so much is and entire generation is now using it to validate themselves. So what is she "changed her relationship status on facebook?" Does that make you less of a person bslchump? No it doesn't. It means she is such a child that she *needs* to validate herself, and her new relationship, by advertising it online. What a pitiful immature existence that must be. Facebook is turning an entire generation of men into crybabies! (No insult intended, but it's the truth.)
bl22 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 So what is she "changed her relationship status on facebook?" Does that make you less of a person bslchump? No it doesn't. It means she is such a child that she *needs* to validate herself, and her new relationship, by advertising it online. What a pitiful immature existence that must be. well said!
Author bslchump Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Haha Tim you're spot on. I won't care as much about her NEXT bf, but this one makes my blood boil. I'm not sitting around staring at facebook, it was told to me. Theres something disconcerting about her posting it publicly (the same as her announcing it in person). It makes it more real and drives that final nail in the coffin. In fact, I don't even use facebook that much, nor do I care about it much. Any news about her whether it is on facebook, in person, on the phone or any other medium HURTS.
Author bslchump Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 She just sent me a text this morning about something she thought would be helpful to me. I didn't respond and I don't plan to. Just updating!
timchambo Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 And it begins... Stay strong, this won't be the last unfortunately.
Author bslchump Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 You know what's funny, Tim? When she texted me I actually thought you'd say something like that, haha. I wish I could believe that at some point she's going to want me back, even though I won't do it.
Mister_Lonely Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 My situation is very similar. She cheated on me with this guy, I found it, we gave it another go but didn't work so she ended it to sort her head out. A week later she conveniently bumped into him & he was commenting her Facebook, salt in the wound, a week later her relationship status changed, I confronted her & she said it was a joke. Even after this I borrowed her money, stupid I know & this is the only thing keeping a connection but she has been making excuses about the money for weeks. Despite all this I tried to get her back and then she confirmed she is with this ugly guy she cheated on me with. Can't believe she chose him over me. I hope this is a rebound & it ends but I don't want her now, just my money. Glad she is off fb, that thing ruins relationships.
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