Brokenlife Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) I want to send this to my ex. She has called a few times and we talked and it was great. She has text a few times as well this past month (even twice this week but they were lame) but I am struggling with her not reaching out much lately. I have not been in contact with her for about 10 days and we were on good terms. Do I sound weak or is it ok to tell her this and if she responds and says sorry then we can keep the friendship going? I just want her to know how I am feeling. Hi x, I am writing you this letter to let you know how I am feeling. I don’t know if it even matters to you but here it goes. You have been a special part of my life. A person I have cared deeply for and have always wanted in my life. We shared some really fun times together. I have always enjoyed our conversations and felt you were one of my best friends. You told me how special I was and how much you cared about me and I believed you. For a long time last year your actions backed up your words. Then something changed and you kept saying the words but you actions no longer back them up. It has been very hard for me. I would keep reaching out to hang out but you no longer made time for me. What happened? It hurt me a lot because I wanted to believe you still truly wanted me as a friend in your life. Since the end of February I have hardly heard from you at all. It was always me reaching out to you asking you to get together but you never made time for me. It made me feel like all the things you said about how special I was to you and that you loved me, missed me and life would not be the same without me in it were just words. I tried to keep reaching out but I had to finally had stop and accept that you did not want me around. I do not want to look back on this period of my life and time with you as a painful memory but that is what it is right now. I guess I cared about you way more than you cared about me. I wish we could still be in contact and friends but one sided friendships do not work. I did not respond to your text this week because I am hurt. You did not ask if everything was alright between us when I did not respond but just sent me the text asking for you collar. That really hurt and showed me you did not care. Btw…I looked and I do not have it. I wish you the best x and wish you meant what you said and our friendship was still in tact. I wish you actually cared about me in actions not just words. I really did want you in my life forever. Take Care of yourself, x Edited April 10, 2011 by Brokenlife
Steven T Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I guess it's worth sending. But you will have to accept they are not interested in you anymore and its best for you to move on with your life.
Author Brokenlife Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 I guess it's worth sending. But you will have to accept they are not interested in you anymore and its best for you to move on with your life. I am struggling with believing she does not want me in her life. I just want her to know I want her in my life if she is going to back up her words with actions. Does this email tell her that or is it too needy and weak? If so, how can I say it better?
geegirl Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 You can't have a friendship with an ex when you have just broken up. You want a pseudo friendship because you still want to be a part of her life. I have friends that I don't have much contact with sometimes and it doesn't bother me. I know they're there and when they do contact me, it's fine. I don't question the frequency of contact nor do I question their frequency as a sign of what I mean to them. I don't tell them that they should contact me more often so it will make me feel better. You're kidding yourself in wanting a friendship. You want her. And you will have her even if it's just a little piece of something, anything. You need to stop contact with her and heal. If you don't you're going to be constantly looking for a little fix to help mask the pain of the break up. And you are seeking it from the one who has decided to leave. And don't kid yourself into thinking you are friends. How would you feel if you found out she is dating someone tomorrow? You're forcing your need for more contact in the form of a "friendship" on her because you are too afraid to move on yourself and quit her and you are in denial. You can't force someone to care and love you the way you want to. You can't force them to feel the same way for you now as they felt then. You can't hold them to their words because what you see in action is who they really are. She may want a friendship with you but if it's not the way you like it, step away. Maybe she sees your intent for a friendship as more of an emotional tie and is keeping a distance because she does not want to keep you tangled anymore.
geegirl Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I am struggling with believing she does not want me in her life. I just want her to know I want her in my life if she is going to back up her words with actions. Does this email tell her that or is it too needy and weak? If so, how can I say it better? Actions speak louder than words. If it does not work for you, then step away. No need to send a letter. She is speaking to you loud and clear through her actions. The letter is needy. You're basically asking her to pay you more attention, when she is clearly showing you that all she is capable of giving you is what you are getting.
Author Brokenlife Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 You may be right but we have been broken up for a while but I am still not over her. She wrote me twice this week the first asking something meaningless and I did not respond. The next say asking if I had something of hers at my house. I did not respond. I feel bad for not responding. Should I respond now and just tell her I don't have it and that I can not be friends right now but hope that we can in the future when I heal?
geegirl Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 You may be right but we have been broken up for a while but I am still not over her. She wrote me twice this week the first asking something meaningless and I did not respond. The next say asking if I had something of hers at my house. I did not respond. I feel bad for not responding. Should I respond now and just tell her I don't have it and that I can not be friends right now but hope that we can in the future when I heal? If you want to tell her why you have to NC, I don't see anything wrong since you both are on good terms. Just don't send that letter questioning her actions and her words. You can just tell her, short and sweet that you are still emotional with her and need to heal and that you can't be friends with her right now. Just don't bring up the past and her actions for not keeping more in touch.
Author Brokenlife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) I sent this letter to my ex today. It has been much too long since the breakup I have tried to be friends but I can't. I have went NC or her 3 times and we have always ended up talking again and hanging out. I just can't do it anymore and need to move on for good. I don't know if we will ever be able to be friends down the road but for the next year at least I need to go NC. She text me a couple times this week and I did not respond and we were on good terms. However I have been suffering and felt I needed to send this to close the door forever and let her know how I really felt and that friendship right now will not work. I know she is probobly mad at me for doing NC again on her and don't know if she will even respond. I know this will hurt her. I hope she can see my heart in the letter. I could no longer play the game of I am ok with friends. We will never be back together and that I know for sure. Did I make a mistake by sending it? Hi X. I am truly sorry for all that I have put you through by not letting go of loving you a long time ago. I tried to let go X. I really have. many, many times to be honest. It was just too hard for me. I would say I was over it and we would start hanging out again, talking on the phone, texting and all the feelings would come rushing back. I didn't want them to, I really wanted to be friends but I could not stop them from coming back. I can not even count how many times I stopped speaking with you because it was just too painful for me to be around you and not be with you any longer. I kept coming back because I missed you. I missed laughing with you, our funny stupid jokes, are talking on the phone and retarded sense of humor together. I miss that a lot. But I know I must let that go because I still can not be around you without having feelings and it is unhealthy for both of us. It's time for me to move on and heal. I have to let you go so that someday maybe we can be real friends. I also know that I expected too much of you as a friend and would get hurt when you would not hang with me or call or text. That was not fair to you. So a lot of my hurt was not so much about what you did or did not do but more due to me still caring too much. I said some mean things as well out of hurt which I am not proud of. I am sorry for that. I can't imaging how hard this was on you as well. I am sure you wanted to take me at my word but then bam...there we were again, me with feelings for you. I want to thank you for caring enough about me to let me back in each time. I know I have hurt you by going back and forth so many times. It was never my intent. Your a good person X with a good heart. I hope one day we can be true friends and you can forgive me for going back and forth so many times. My only fault is that I love you too much. I just want you to know that I will always look back on the times we had together with fond memories. You will always be special to me and I hope I am to you as well. I wish you much happiness I love you, x Edited April 11, 2011 by Brokenlife
Fufu Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I wouldn't recommend anyone to send a letter to their ex (especially if you are the dumpee). However, since you had sent it, it's fine, don't send it again anymore. My only fault is that I love you too much. It's never a fault loving a person very much. I hope you had began your NC for own personal healing journey.
nana841121 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 In my own opinion, Don't send the letter , at least , not now. The timing is not right , it's too early You have only been broken up for less than one month give both of you more time to think about this relationship Instead of sending her the mail , write your thoughts and save it in your mail-box If you don't change your mind and have a second thought about sending those mails , send it to her No rush
Author Brokenlife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I wouldn't recommend anyone to send a letter to their ex (especially if you are the dumpee). However, since you had sent it, it's fine, don't send it again anymore. My only fault is that I love you too much. It's never a fault loving a person very much. I hope you had began your NC for own personal healing journey. I have. That will be the only letter she receives from me. I will not drop off the face of the earth. The break up happened quite some time ago and we have been through a lot since then. I just needed her to know how I felt and that I could not do the friends thing,, and why it failed each time we tried. I also accept we will never be together again but hope someday to be friends.
Author Brokenlife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 In my own opinion, Don't send the letter , at least , not now. The timing is not right , it's too early You have only been broken up for less than one month give both of you more time to think about this relationship Instead of sending her the mail , write your thoughts and save it in your mail-box If you don't change your mind and have a second thought about sending those mails , send it to her No rush actually we have been broke up for about 10 months. We did sleep together a few times after breaking up and then tried friendship. Each time we tried I ended up wanting her back and having to go NC. Then one of us would break it and try to be friends again. I just cant do it anymore and that is why I sent her the letter. It's over and I need to move on. Can't be friends right now.
Author Brokenlife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 You will be fine, no worries Thanks, I am having a hard time going to sleep tonight. It felt right to tell her what I was really feeling instead of acting like I was ok with friendship. I think she is going to be mad at me for bailing out on her again. This is like the 4th time I have went NC on her in the last 10 months. I will not get caught back up in it this time. I know what will happen. I need to give myself at least a year away from her maybe more. I hope she will read the letter and not think I am a complete pushover and pining after her still. I just wanted to be honest. I was not asking for her back. How do you think she will receive the letter?
smudge21 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I too thought I could get back to being friends with the ex, but it was too hard, so I deleted her from Facebook and ignored her texts. They continued so I too sent a goodbye email. Pretty much similar to yours in that it told her I still had very strong feelings, wished we could just be friends, but not something I could do. Wished her well (there was never any anger or hatred between us) and said goodbye. Her response was to try and keep me in her life - not wanting me to go, but I stuck firm to what I know I needed to do. We left with her saying she wouldn't make it any harder, and I replied with it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Not heard from her for over 2 weeks now. So in my case, the letter did what I wanted it to do. It allowed me to go total NC, made it clear why I was doing it and we parted company in a nice way. I don't however expect to ever see her again though. Bad in one case, but good in another as I need to move on. I very much doubt I could ever be just friends with her after how I've felt. So for me, the goodbye email was exactly that, a goodbye.
nana841121 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 actually we have been broke up for about 10 months. We did sleep together a few times after breaking up and then tried friendship. Each time we tried I ended up wanting her back and having to go NC. Then one of us would break it and try to be friends again. I just cant do it anymore and that is why I sent her the letter. It's over and I need to move on. Can't be friends right now. I don't think you can sustain the "friendship" after breakup
smudge21 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I don't think you can sustain the "friendship" after breakup Too true. If you think you can, just try imagining your ex telling you that she's fallen in love with another person!
Fufu Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Thanks, I am having a hard time going to sleep tonight. It felt right to tell her what I was really feeling instead of acting like I was ok with friendship. I think she is going to be mad at me for bailing out on her again. This is like the 4th time I have went NC on her in the last 10 months. I will not get caught back up in it this time. I know what will happen. I need to give myself at least a year away from her maybe more. I hope she will read the letter and not think I am a complete pushover and pining after her still. I just wanted to be honest. I was not asking for her back. How do you think she will receive the letter? Your welcome I'm not your ex-gf therefore I have 0 idea how she will react to the letter. She could have lots of emotions and feelings for this letter, maybe and maybe not. And maybe she wouldn't even read the letter at all. Maintain your NC, it does get better and better and this forum is awesome for any support
Author Brokenlife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I too thought I could get back to being friends with the ex, but it was too hard, so I deleted her from Facebook and ignored her texts. They continued so I too sent a goodbye email. Pretty much similar to yours in that it told her I still had very strong feelings, wished we could just be friends, but not something I could do. Wished her well (there was never any anger or hatred between us) and said goodbye. Her response was to try and keep me in her life - not wanting me to go, but I stuck firm to what I know I needed to do. We left with her saying she wouldn't make it any harder, and I replied with it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Not heard from her for over 2 weeks now. So in my case, the letter did what I wanted it to do. It allowed me to go total NC, made it clear why I was doing it and we parted company in a nice way. I don't however expect to ever see her again though. Bad in one case, but good in another as I need to move on. I very much doubt I could ever be just friends with her after how I've felt. So for me, the goodbye email was exactly that, a goodbye. Thanks for the post smudge, yeah I pretty much feel the same way you do. I doubt I can ever be friends with her either but wanted to leave the door open on my side just in case years from now I want to call.
Author Brokenlife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I don't think you can sustain the "friendship" after breakup You are right. I knew this after trying the first time. It was just hard to have her all the way out of my life. I have learned after going back that it is even harder having her in my life as just a friend. So now I am out of her life and at least I won't continue suffering new wounds in silence. It was way too hard trying to control my emotions all the time. I couldn't I would always end up wanting more and hurt when I did not get it. All the time her not understanding since I said I was ok with friendship. This is much healthier for me. It is not what I wanted. I wanted her back but it's better than hanging around suffering as a friend since it's over. Need to move on and heal.
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