proactivedreamer Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I guess I wanted to get a consensus about sex on the first date...what do you guys think? yay or nay?
Fondue Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Anyone who has sex with me on the first date I automatically put under "not-relationship-material." They always become more or less a booty-call to me.
WellLetsSee Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Anyone who has sex with me on the first date I automatically put under "not-relationship-material." They always become more or less a booty-call to me. Is that because you think they would cheat on you? Or?
Feelin Frisky Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 It's usually not a good idea but there can be exceptions. If you are just meeting this person and don't know their character at all, sex is a bad idea. You could find out they are a monster. But on the other end of the spectrum if say, you've lived around or worked around your date for quite some time and both have held each other in high regard, sex on the first date wouldn't be unreasonable. The date would just be a formality for what you two already know you want. Been there (couple of times).
mr.dream merchant Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Depends. Sex on the first date will make me a skeptic as to whether or not she's a trashy woman. I'd probably give her a couple more dates to prove to me that she's not a total skeezer.
Fondue Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Is that because you think they would cheat on you? Or? No, that's not it. I'm not much afraid of people cheating. I think I just can't take a personal seriously after I have sex with them. I dunno why, really. Even if I knew them for a while. Sometimes it just turns me off. Part of the reason why, I believe, at least on the first-date thing, is that I don't know if they are relationship material if they are willing to go all the way with me so soon. It completely destroys the mystery involved. It's like, I just won the game, really. Instead of playing through and going through a few challenges and different levels, I just skip to the end and there's nothing in between. I have a lady friend who doesn't understand this. She has been in a few cases of where she sleeps with the guy cause she likes him really early (the most recent case, she slept with the guy after their first date-- valentines day). She wonders why she never hears from them after, or only wants to have sex with her after. I keep telling her that it's cause she gives it up to early. She refuses to acknowledge this and just says, "men are stupid" and refuses to believe that sex too early can do that. Of course there are many cases in which early sex doesn't change a thing. I can't really effectively explain why. Does that sound weird to you?
Yamaha Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Sex on the first date will make me a skeptic as to whether or not she's a trashy woman So the responsibility is on her. If you do does that make you a trashy man?
WellLetsSee Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) Well what I am getting is that when you are interested enough in a woman to go on a date with her, all the excitement you feel being around her is the tension you get from not knowing whether you two will ever have sex or not. Something like that? And what I am also reading that relating to a woman on a sexual level makes it difficult for you to relate with her on an emotional, intellectual, compassionate, spiritual level? Something like that? Like once the sexual connection is established there seems no way to extend that connection to other areas? You wanna know if I think it sounds weird... Well I can only say I am sad when I hear that, because I am a very connecting person - the more I connect with a person the more I enjoy myself on every level, the more I am attracted to them. Also I just love people a lot - there is a beautiful heart in everyone. But everyone is different - so no I am not judging you. Edited April 10, 2011 by WellLetsSee
denise_xo Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I guess I wanted to get a consensus about sex on the first date...what do you guys think? yay or nay? If I feel like it, I'll do it. So the responsibility is on her. If you do does that make you a trashy man? classic.
Lilmisus Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I feel as though if the attraction is that strong to where I want to have sex with him on the first date, then I will. Never has happened before, and probably wont happen, because I'm not like that, and have to be serious about someone first. But I really don't get some guys logic here. My ex said that he could tell within the first five minutes if a girl would sleep with him or not, and if she did, then he would lose respect for her, and consider her a whore (whereas it was okay for him to do it...). Two friends of mine had sex the other day, and where the guy was getting high fives from all the guys for it, they were saying things like "man she's so loose and such a whore" and he was saying how easy she was because all he had to do was unbutton his pants..not even take them off, plus it was in his car. Yet..he was going for a girl who was like that, and who he didn't even want to date. I think that some guys leave it up to the girls to make the decision to have sex or not for the most part. If the girl wants to..hey he's game...he's a guy, it's known that sex is pretty much all that's on his mind..her fault for having no self respect and to be willing to sleep with someone who she knows is like that. But I think it also comes down to how serious they are about one another. If she just is using him for sex like she's probably done to multiple others, then he's just using her the same exact way, even if he was originally interested.
Mutant Debutante Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 You know, this really depends so much on what kind of connection you have, whether you've just met them, how much sexual tension there is, what kind of stress you've been under, blah blah blah. There are "trashy" people who **** right away because they have issues, and there are also classy, healthy people who **** right away if they feel that connection. Hopefully people's radars are good enough to spot the differences besides just the arbitrary line in the sand of sex at the first or third or twelfth date or whatever. I think some people make hard rules and big generalizations about this kind of thing, and other people go with the flow as they explore the other person. I prefer a go with the flow kind of person. I know a few couples who have been together for years who started out with sex on the first date, btw. I didn't sleep with my bf on the first date, but I was tempted to .
interfuse Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 DON'T do it, unless you want it to be a one night stand or booty call.
Author proactivedreamer Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 Well what I am getting is that when you are interested enough in a woman to go on a date with her, all the excitement you feel being around her is the tension you get from not knowing whether you two will ever have sex or not. Something like that? And what I am also reading that relating to a woman on a sexual level makes it difficult for you to relate with her on an emotional, intellectual, compassionate, spiritual level? Something like that? Like once the sexual connection is established there seems no way to extend that connection to other areas? You wanna know if I think it sounds weird... Well I can only say I am sad when I hear that, because I am a very connecting person - the more I connect with a person the more I enjoy myself on every level, the more I am attracted to them. Also I just love people a lot - there is a beautiful heart in everyone. But everyone is different - so no I am not judging you. I am totally loving your insights WellLetsSee! I definitely resonate with what you are saying. The reality is, women still are not allowed to want sex the way men do, so if a woman decides to engage in sex with a man on the first date, she risks being labeled non-dateble because she has given up her virtue "too soon". It's patriarchal sexist bull**** statements like this "She must be trashy if she gives it up that easily" that really send me flying. I am going to be upfront here, I like sex, in fact, I love sex! If I go on a date with a guy, and I feel sexually attracted to him, I'm going to probably have sex with him because just like him, I want sex and probably like him. Women want sex just as much as men do, and I get so frustratingly exhausted with some of the things I hear about this issue. There is nothing wrong with acquiring sex on the first date and it doesn't mean you are trashy or slutty or any of the like. I think its unfair but like I have said in my other threads, men and women, both, have just not evolved past these issues involving women and sex. I am all about leveling the playing field...if men can do it, why can't I?
Lauriebell82 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I personally would never do it. Not because I would look skanky, but because I would not want to get pregnant by some dude I didn't know or who wouldn't stick around. Being single mom just isn't for me, no offense to all the single moms out there! This isn't saying I wouldn't use protection or anything, but accidents happen, nothing is 100%. When I was single, I would never even sleep with someone I wasn't serious about and who I figured would actually stick around if something like that did happen.
TuffCookieX Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 If a guy insisted on sex on the first date, I would give in... but then never talk to him again. Thanks for the notch on my belt, see you never!
somedude81 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 In the vast majority of circumstances I'll say nay. The rare exception is if I've known the girl for a long while but for whatever reason, we haven't dated. If sex happens on the first date, then that's fine.
Crimesoftheheart Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Depends. Sex on the first date will make me a skeptic as to whether or not she's a trashy woman. what would this say about you?
Crimesoftheheart Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 So the responsibility is on her. If you do does that make you a trashy man? hahaha. Yup. I smell a double standard.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Doesn't matter. The focus is on her being a whore or not.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 What feeling frisky said. If this is someone you just met a few days ago and are just meeting for the second time ever off a cold approach....or this is a online date... then NO. On the other hand if this is someone you have lived around and worked around in particular if you know them as a friend or friendly acquaintance... that's different. IMHO knowing someone on a daily or weekly basis for a few months is worth a few dates worth of "getting to know you" time.
Crimesoftheheart Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Doesn't matter. The focus is on her being a whore or not. in this case, it takes one to know one doesn't it?
fishtaco Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Wouldn't bother me. There are plenty other factors I have to look at before I can judge if a woman is yay or nay. If the sex was good, then I can check off the sexual compatibility check box. That's like women judging men based on the car they drive. Does it say something about the man? Sure, of course. Should she extrapolate that single attribute to fill out her estimation of his entire being? That would be unfair. But people do it all the time.
musemaj11 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Smart people don't have sex on the first date. Its not about moral. Its about health risk.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 hahaha. Yup. I smell a double standard. We all have to live with double standards. Don't complain about one unless your willing to complain about them all. Which means you would actually have to reach into your purse on a date and not be bitter about it later. Doesn't matter. The focus is on her being a whore or not. Ever see that movie with Eugene Levy where his wife has slept with every single guy they run into? Who wants that? What most of those women don't really get is that for a good chunk of us men feel love through sex. Sex=Love... in a way. So it's the equivalent of a guy telling a woman he is in love and proposing on the first date. Some women would love that... but most emotionally healthy women would run away with haste.
Recommended Posts