Jerrica Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 so my ex JUST texted me, said "My friend and I are going to take that engine away today. Sound good?" (he still has an engine in my basement which he has had ample amount of time to get, and just decides now he's coming today I guess) I'm in NC, I haven't replied yet, what do I do? I don't want him here today as I have a friend on their way over (a male friend) and don't want any altercations. I also don't want to break NC.
Lilmisus Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Tell him today doesn't work, but he can come get it another day. You don't have to make conversation with him, just give him an answer and get rid of his excuse of seeing you.
Author Jerrica Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 won't that mean I'll be breaking NC? I've come so far I just don't want to set myself back. But I guess if I don't engage in conversation then I can still consider myself in NC right?
Lilmisus Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 won't that mean I'll be breaking NC? I've come so far I just don't want to set myself back. But I guess if I don't engage in conversation then I can still consider myself in NC right? Well you have a few options: 1. Ignore him and keep NC. But come across as an a**hole by doing so. No one likes to be ignored over harmless questions. 2. Have a friend call him and tell them what he wants and needs to hear, but that just makes things way too juvenile than they need to be. 3. Message him back and say something simple like "Today doesn't work. Tomorrow does, come get it at 3" or something. But really, try to act like the mature adult here. He's not trying to meet up for lunch, he just wants the engine, then he'll be gone again, and you wont have to worry about it, hopefully ever again. If he tries to talk to you, tell him that you don't want to talk and that he needs to get it and go. Simple as that. But no, this is considered contact..but it doesn't mean that it will set you back..just don't let it do so.
2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 It's your call, you can decide when he comes to get the engine, tell him an other day and leave it at that. Regarding NC the main thoughts are that you can converse if it is something like this but you keep it to the point at hand and say no more about anything and then you don't contact them again after it. Remember NC is not some panacea it is just a way for you to move on and heal yourself, you don't need to be a total xxxxx over sorting out stuff such as this. 2011
Author Jerrica Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 thanks so much for the fast responses!! I replied after about half an hour and said "No today doesn't work" he replied back right away and said "why not?" so far I have not replied to this, should I reply? It's not really his business right? Is this something that is okay to ignore without seeming like an a**hole?
SingVoice Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 You don't owe him ANY explanation. And don't you dare worry about seeming like an a**hole after what he has done to you. Just ignore him. He is trying to engage you...otherwise why would he ask you why...he would just suggest another time. You know that if you respond its just going to give him what he wants. PLEASE DON'T DO IT!
Author Jerrica Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 well I did ignore it.....I feel mixed about it. I dislike any kind of contact we have because it does set me back a bit. Just miss talking to him like we used to. But I know it's best for me NOT to engage. I did go out last night dancing with my friend, my ex's friend was there and definitley saw me with another guy. Maybe just a coincidence that he happened to want to get his engine today, but who knows. I hope he's going crazy.
nana841121 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Don't put too much thoughts on it overanalysis about his motivation won't take you anywhere
Am4Real Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 If he legitimately has property at your house and would eventually want it back, then communicating with him on that subject in a short one liner or one word response would not constitute breaking contact in my opinion. If you feel with near certainty he is making conversation about the property (engine) simply as a way to engage you, then yes, responding would be a form of breaking contact. If you’re unsure I would politely tell him when a good time for him to come over and get his property would be – then make sure you’re not there and someone else is in the house to assist him.
Author Jerrica Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I have a few updates on this situation... I ignored his "why not?" text when I said he couldn't come last Sunday. Monday he texts me again, telling me he talked to some guy at a carpentry place and it would cost 100-200 to fix my doors (which he destroyed by punching them) I did not see any room for a reply to this message so I didn't reply. Sounded like just a statement to me? so I just received a text from him yet again, saying: "Well I guess you're going to ignore me from this point on soooooooooo my friend and I will come by this saturday to pick up the engine. Can you also take off 600 from whatever i put into the TV and couch and give me the money for the rest? Then you can ignore me all you want. :)" yes even put the smiley face!!! After all the abuse (physical/emotional/verbal) he has put me through I can't believe he has the nerve to ask me for money!!! it makes me mad but I know I should just suck it up and be the better person and pay him out. any thoughts?
marqueemoon4 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 well, from his warped perspective no matter how he treated you, you still owe him money so you should probably just settle up with him. let him get his engine a begone!
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