soundboy96 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Hi, I met a woman back last August who I have fallen in love with. We have been officially dating about 2 months. Heres the background. She's 44. She is a bartender who lives in Vegas. She bartends off the strip at a quiet place. I am 28 and live in Wisconsin. This relationship is only happening because she knows in August I will be moving to Vegas. We talk on the phone for about 2 hours a night and share many of the same hobbies and desires. This sounds corny but we even write in journals to eachother and exchange them when we see eachother in person. We are very close. I come here because I have had a lot of little worries and want to see some opinions. She is a very mysterious woman. I can tell she is broken and has had a rough past. I always tell her I don't care about anything she's embarrassed or worried about in her past or anything she's ever done, as long as she's faithful to me. I love her for her and now. She was married and divorced 8 years ago and has 3 sons. She said she hasn't had a boyfriend in over a year. When she does things that upset me and I try to talk to her about it and work it out she avoids it and gives no good, meaningful answer. She doesn't like to talk about our problems which only make them worse inside. The whole "Vegas bartender" thing hurts a little to. She said she always gets that label that she is a coined as "easy" because she is a bartender in Vegas. She usually is out to about 2 am. The rare occasion even as late at 5am. She always texts me everyday when she gets home to tell me goodnight, even though I am usually well asleep before she gets home. It's upsetting that once she goes out for the night with her people...she never texts or calls me. It's like once she goes out at night I am not in existence. She always tries to make her social life seem like its her job. She'll tell me she was out with other bartenders. She never calls them friends. Just bartenders. One time she said she was out promoting till 5am. I asked her promoting what. She said, "my bar." Hanging out with other bartenders so they will come into her bar and give her business. I see what she's saying but at the same time why not just say you are hanging out with your friends. I know she loves me but it's like she wants people to think she's single so she gets more attention. When I go down to Vegas to see her...(once a month until I move out there) she introducess me to her friends as....her friend from WI and won't even touch me in front of them. Amongst our mutual friends we're in love and she holds my hand and we kiss, etc. I want us to work so badly...I love this girl. I know she loves me. You can tell she isn't meant for relationships but is trying. She just won't change. She wants to still live that party life. She is 44 and wants to act like she's in her younger 20's. From when we were first talking to when we starting dating she does stay home a lot more and she said that's because she met me and wants to be on the phone with me. I know most would tell me to just leave her but I want this to work. Does anyone have any tips on how I can keep this going without being stressed about it?
utterer of lies Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I know most would tell me to just leave her but I want this to work. Why? Does anyone have any tips on how I can keep this going without being stressed about it? No. And anyway it would be harmful to yourself to keep this going.
zakfar Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Ok! You want to make it work. Then here is a help for you. First of all, you need to realize what you actually wants. This is a typical question that I asks to almost everyone, which is like 'Read your mind yourself', so that you can decide your future, and build your relationship in the way you want. You need to ask yourself a few questions. Write them down on a piece of paper. . What are the things that I like in her? Talking to her? Her body (any particular part of her body, or her body type/figure)? The reason that she is older than me? The reason that she does everything her self? The reason that she makes the decision by herself? She loves me? She is good in bed? . What are the things that I don't like in her? She doesn't consider me her BF in front of others? She is mysterious and avoids sharing her past with me? She tries to 'lie' me? She tries to hide her social life by showing it to me as if those are her 'job'? She regrets/feels weird for her relationship with me (Maybe she feels odd to have a BF that young)? She is not serious about changing herself? She is not serious in making a long-term relationship? . What is the thing that you like in her most? . What is the worst thing that you don't like in her? Try to be honest as this is just between you and you. No one is going to watch that. You just need to find out what 'Exactly' you want in her. Now ask yourself 'What do I want to see in her?' It is more like the changes you desire in her. Next time you will meet her, you will know yourself a little better. You will know the actual reason for you being with her. Though slowly, try to tell her everything you found about yourself, and her, and the reason of this relationship. You will need to open her, and reduce the distance between both of you. You need to increase the understanding between each other. I hope it helps. Zakfar.
Author soundboy96 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Ok! You want to make it work. Then here is a help for you. First of all, you need to realize what you actually wants. This is a typical question that I asks to almost everyone, which is like 'Read your mind yourself', so that you can decide your future, and build your relationship in the way you want. You need to ask yourself a few questions. Write them down on a piece of paper. . What are the things that I like in her? Talking to her? Her body (any particular part of her body, or her body type/figure)? The reason that she is older than me? The reason that she does everything her self? The reason that she makes the decision by herself? She loves me? She is good in bed? . What are the things that I don't like in her? She doesn't consider me her BF in front of others? She is mysterious and avoids sharing her past with me? She tries to 'lie' me? She tries to hide her social life by showing it to me as if those are her 'job'? She regrets/feels weird for her relationship with me (Maybe she feels odd to have a BF that young)? She is not serious about changing herself? She is not serious in making a long-term relationship? . What is the thing that you like in her most? . What is the worst thing that you don't like in her? Try to be honest as this is just between you and you. No one is going to watch that. You just need to find out what 'Exactly' you want in her. Now ask yourself 'What do I want to see in her?' It is more like the changes you desire in her. Next time you will meet her, you will know yourself a little better. You will know the actual reason for you being with her. Though slowly, try to tell her everything you found about yourself, and her, and the reason of this relationship. You will need to open her, and reduce the distance between both of you. You need to increase the understanding between each other. I hope it helps. Zakfar. Thank you very much for your reply and this info!
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