Timbo22 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I went to a party yesterday I was having a great time. I met a girl danced with her the whole night, exchanged numbers...Things were going pretty good. Until we decided to relax and talk by the bon-fire. We were talking about what we like in a person and all of a sudden boom my ex and all my feelings come rushing to me a 100 mph... I couldn't stop thinking about my her, the girl I was with was stunningly beautiful and really sweet but I continued to compare her. It seemed like I was right back to day 1 again, I was NC for almost a 2 weeks now. I got up went to my car gave her a call and she picked up on the 1st ring, I asked her how she was doing and that I would like to come see her. She agreed. Now my hopes shot through the roof, I actually thought I might have a chance at this. I pulled up to her house with butterfly's in my stomach, shaking almost because I was so nervous. I headed up to the door step and she immediately started shooting me down and criticizing me. "You never wear a hat", "why did you get your ears pierced you look retarded". "Do you remember what you called me? A liar a deceiver? I just couldn't believe it. I ignored how rude she was being and started asking her about what she has been up to. Turns out she got a f in one of her classes and cannot attend medical school now. She also has not been at school in 2 weeks. Her dad is dying and is in a coma. She then added she started talking to a guy she used to talk to even before we met which was 4 years ago. She said that she really liked him and she told me she was at rock bottom and he started to make her feel better. She then added that he used her for sex and that she have known better and that she hated him...This news was devastating, I never felt so hurt. I didnt let her know it bothered me and I tried to continue to talk to her.... She then went back to bashing me, Telling me that she felt suffocated with me and if she wanted to go out and party she couldnt tell me cus she knew I would get mad. This wasn't the case at all, I never wanted to have her feel like she was tied down and I wanted her to enjoy the college life. She could have sat down and talked to me but she didnt. At this point I wished I would have never called...I was so hurt and in shock that the girl who I spent 3 1/2 years with was gone! I had no clue who she was, it was scary how different and upset she was. I wanted to do everything I could to make things better. No matter what I said it seemed like no use. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS GIVING UP, School and everything else. She goes to one of the best schools in the nation. She also taught me never to give up. I couldnt believe what she was saying. She then asked what I have been up to. I told her that I was playing home talent baseball again and I was extremely happy knowing I would be pitching all summer. She bursted into tear's and was so happy for me and gave me a hug. I then told her that I wish things were different and I would do anything to change for the better and asked her for a 2nd chance... She then looked at me eye to eye like she missed me...It seemed like I was making progress and she wanted to hear it. I asked her if she still thinks about me and she said yes from time to time. Yet I shot myself in the foot, It seemed like I was making progress and that she wanted to hear what I was saying, but then boom she said she can't. She has no feeling and we need to move on... Even though she kept starring deep into my eyes. I then asked if I would ever have a chance again and then she said " there is a huge party coming up soon so ill see then." I could tell she had feelings for me still by the way she was looking at me, I asked her if she wanted me out of her life and she said no.... Anyway I made a huge mistake, My heart burns more then it ever did before. Knowing she already slept and has been hurt by another guy just rips me apart inside. It hurts knowing shes at rock bottom, and that shes struggling mightly at school and is considering giving up. I care about her and this is so shocking and sad to see idk what to do. I have been with her for 3 1/2 years, We shared a bond that we both thought would last forever. The good outweighed the bad substantially. I gave her all of my love 24/7 and never left her side. Now she is at the worst time in her life struggling and I cant be there. She looks through me like I'm a ghost. Im not a ****ty person and I don't wish bad upon anyone regardless of what she has done to me. I left her at her house saying " Hey we all make mistakes, thats hat makes us human. I hope we can learn from them is all. It hurts the most to hear you give up. Thats not you so dont ever say that about yourself. Don't let anyone take advantage of you cor, you deserve so much, I really hope you find happiness one day with or without me. I hope your forgive me one day, I miss you and I wish you the best gl... I cant really explain how I feel guys, just that I'm extremely hurt right now. I have never been this weak and I'm a extremely confident person, this Isn't me I just think I have too big of heart...
Fufu Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) Pardon me as I didn't read through everything, quite tired from a long hours of trip from wee morning. First of all, don't take things too hard on yourself. You are in fact doing better and better and it is normal at times to feel that we are back to the day 1 NC feeling. As long as you can sit through these roller coaster moods, you always become much more stronger. Well, you broke NC by calling her. Well, that's fine, it's done, however you can start picking yourself up again. Timbo, personally I feel that when our ex chose to leave this relationship, they more or less had made their decision if not or most likely they wouldn't have chosen the break up path. We definitely have make mistakes that trigger the break up, however, in a relationship, no one has to bear all the fault. Therefore, you don't have to take it all upon yourself anymore. I was too shocked and stunned by the changes of my ex-bf after he broke up with me. From a sweet and friendly guy, to a cold and unfriendly person. That shocked me badly too. However, I've come to realized that no matter how he treated me after the break up, it was after all his choice and nothing I can do more to change him unless he realized that the relationship he chose to give up is worth to rebuild again. My ex bf could still treat me equally nice but if he is not actively choosing me to be with me again, then treating me nice is going to make me confused and taken on by the breadcrumbs that there's a chance. I used to blame myself if I didn't cry and beg him after he broke up with me, perhaps he will still be with me. Now, I realized it doesn't matter how I reacted after he broke up with me, I just reacted who I am. It doesn't matter if I cry or I just simply say okay to the break up. As long as he doesn't want to be with me anymore, my reactions won't matter much. When I asked my ex-bf for second chance when he came back from oversea for 3 months vacation, he told me he still love me and missed me and I thought there was a chance too until he told me, "I can change my thinking we can work things out, but I can't change my feelings we are still destined to fail." This made me realized no matter how READY I am and he's not ready, this relationship will not sustain. I have been with her for 3 1/2 years, We shared a bond that we both thought would last forever. The good outweighed the bad substantially. I gave her all of my love 24/7 and never left her side. Now she is at the worst time in her life struggling and I cant be there. She looks through me like I'm a ghost. I'm with my ex bf for near 3 years, bought engagement rings planned to get engaged this year end of year and for this relationship to end was never what I expected to. However, it happened and now it is the reality. Whether her life is struggling or not, she chose not having you to be there for her. Move on, you still have to take good care of yourself. I hope you start your NC again and do your best not to break them because restarting NC can be a chore and kind of felt worse or as bad as when they chose to give up on the relationship. You can do it, NC in no time will be your best buddy. From my personal experience, NC has become my buddy now P.S. You are still a very confident person, and sometimes in life we meet obstacles and low times. However all these low times teach us valuable lessons to be a better, stronger and more confident person. Edited April 10, 2011 by Fufu
Author Timbo22 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 thanks fufu I cant really explain how good your advice makes mes feel. Im trying to get a sense of what she wants out of me about this party rcoming up, she said she would see then and would like to see me... I wanna go and have fun and show her who I can be again and what shes missing... On the other hand I shouldnt be putting up with this. She ran to a ex fling and tried to make it work with him and he just used her. Idk what to do.
Fufu Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Your most welcome In this forum, we are all here for one another. I actually will say best is not to see her, as i feel that you are still a little emotional towards her and meeting her may cause you again relapse again. Give yourself some days to think it over of what will be the best and most comfortable for yourself only.
nana841121 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Time is not the only factor to define you know someone. also the events and ups and downs you have been through that's why death is also called the moment of truth what an irony, when you suddenly feel the person who you loved so deeply in heart turns out to be someone you have no idea about
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