mustangsally Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 To make a long story short, a friend of mine (female) is married, but is best friends with this other guy. However, she met the other guy second, and as a third party observation, it seems that she treats him like he's her second boyfriend/husband. She calls him all of the time, is tight with his family, brings him up in conversation as much as possible, etc. Everyone in our group of friends seems to see that she has weird feelings for him, but she is married. This friend in question (the guy) and I have been attracted to each other for a while and decided to hook up. It was totally casual, totally drama free and we've talked to one another several times since then and as far as I can tell, our friendship is still the same. I told this girl and a couple other people about it in confidence. She was really, really upset about it and kept trying to talk me out of the situation with him. Suddenly, everyone I know knows about it without me telling them. It's fine, but it's not exactly something I want broadcasted to the world. The other night, she brought it up in front of everyone, in a way that sounded almost vindictive, like she was trying to prove he doesn't like me very much or something. I had had a rough week and burst into tears and she took me outside to talk about it and said that I'm being much too sensitive and that if I ask her to stop talking about it, then I'm asking to be treated differently from the rest of the group and it's not fair. I tried to explain to her why I'm so incredibly sensitive (long story) and she told me that she went through the same issues and she's not that sensitive so it doesn't make sense. Then she tried to put it back on me and tell me I shouldn't have told her if I didn't want everyone to know and to not get teased about it. In the end, I was the one apologizing to her about being too sensitive, but I feel like somehow this isn't right and I'm not sure what to do. I already know I am highly sensitive, but to me sex has always been a personal thing. Yeah, I've been in other groups of friends where people have hooked up and known about it, but it has never crossed my mind to announce it to a group of eight people as a joke or bring it up repeatedly.
thatone Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 better response would've been... "if you're that interested, go divorce your husband and get with him then, or if not grow up" she's manipulative, and since she can't use that threat of taking herself away from her husband anymore she gets her fix by manipulating other people.
KikiW Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Yeah she sounds like a real winner. What a jerk for gossiping about you, then trying to put you down for it. Ditch her. And maybe have a chat with this guy. Tell him you're not interested in pursuing more than you had (presuming you're good with where you are now), but that you've discovered a bunch of drama you want to nip in the bud. Tell him about this woman and what she did. If nothing else, he will have another version of how she acts and what she says to him.
LuckyLady13 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Sounds like you have a manipulator in your midst. And it sounds like she knows you being very sensitive about certain things can work to her advantage. If I were you, I'd spend less time around this manipulator for a while, build up your self-esteem and then deal with her. You won't feel so sensitive about certain issues and you won't be easy to manipulate. However, she may not like you anymore...
harmfulsweetz Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I'd take this as a lesson learned with regards to this woman, she knew you wanted it kept quiet, but blabbed anyway. That tells you she's not a friend of yours, there's no reason why you should feel bad because you're a bit sensitive, she should feel bad because she breached your trust. I'd avoid her like the plague from now on. People like that survive on doing things like that to people, to cater to their own enjoyment. Maybe she's jealous. But you don't want people like that in your life.
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