jondav Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Hi, So my gf of three months broke up with me. We had a nice relationship but she said there was no "spark", albeit two weeks after saying she loved me. I was down but I am ok, work and other things had started to conspire against us. I really like her, she is smart, funny and beautiful but if she doesn't want to be with me so be it. I actually thinks she still has feelings for someone she was with last year. She is a very sexual and I have some depression and anxiety issues that are impacting on that. However, she has tried to play the friends card from the get go and I am finding this tough. First she said she wanted to be friends, I said maybe in time I need some time away from her. She said she respected that. Then four days after she texts me to ask if she can come to trivia with me that night ( I play on a pub trivia team). I said it would be weird, she said she couldn't see why so I let her come along. It was weird. When we left she asked for a hug as a "friend". I obliged but it felt worng, you know? The next morning I sent her an email saying I need to keep my distance for a bit, wait until the feelings have died before I try being friends. She said she understood. But that night she sent me many emails, I stupidly responded to them. One was asking me to go to her friends birthday, I said I will see. The following week I had to turn my Facebook off for a bit, I am a teacher and I need to stop some students from contacting me. I got an email from her saying she is hurt by me "blocking" her of Facebook, I explained that I hadny blocked her but had turned my FB off. She said sorry, and it seems like ages since we had spoken ( it had been two days). We agreed to talk in a bit and catch up this coming week for a show that we had already bought tickets for. But, the next day was trivia day, so she asked if we can go together again. I said yes, but again, it was strange, she grabbed my hand at one point and drew on it and told me about someone we used to work with who had a crush on me. I told her I don't want to hear that! When we left she hovered and asked me if I was going to a dinner mutual workmates had invited us to, I said no and she said "you should come", So the next day, Friday, we email each other and I said "look it is just gonna take time before we can be friends" She said that sucks but she understands, I sing off saying have a good weekend, She said maybe we could see a movie or something. I said maybe I will see but I am going out that night. I get home on Friday after being out and there is an email from her saying "I didnt go to the dinner, hope you had a good night." I didn't need to know if she went to dinner or not, I mean I had other plans!!!!! Then next day she comments on my facebook update, I ignore it, Not a malicious comment just a comment. Today, Sunday, I haven't contacted her and thankfully she hasn't contacted me. It was actually the same day as her friends b'day party I was invited to. I feel like I want to delete her from facebook and just move on. I really like her but I can't do this friends thing, I don't think it works. I am seeing her Tuesday night for this show we both have tickets for, but after I want to say goodbye for good and say sorry but friends isn't gonna work. Her behavior makes me unsure what she wants, is she just trying separately to be friends or does she still have feelings for me? Thanks for listening I just needed to get it off my chest.
Author jondav Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 I think I just need to know she isn't still interested, and these kind of contacts are confusing me, you know?
Author jondav Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Anyone? Sorry I was on her last year after a five year break up and got some good advice which really helped so I am looking for some advice again?
Tasha49 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I am no professional at seeing signs and what not, but by the sounds of your situation I see two different explanations for her actions: 1). She has lost her romantic feelings for you but finds you important enough in her life to remain friends through everything. Her constant reaching out (even though you've numerously stated that you need space) shows that she does not want to be out of your life and you out of hers. She obviously still finds you important. 2). She still has feelings for you and is starting to picture you completely out of her life. She still wants to hang out quite a lot even though you keep telling her that you need time. She is persistant and isn't giving up no matter what you say, clearly. So maybe she just realizes she doesn't want to let go. It is hard to tell. I think suggesting the movies is a bit odd on her part, because none of my guy friends and I got to the movies together. I think that is more of a couples thing, but that is just me. Three months is not too long though, so If I had to choose between the two, I would go more towards the first option. If she wanted to resume your relationship again I feel like she would have stated so. Her constant attempts of contact are signs that more or less lead to the need for a friend. When she told you someone had a crush on you it seemed like she was being friendly. If she had feelings for you I don't think she'd want you knowing any other women are into you. Then again she may have been saying it to secretly see your reaction and if you seemee interested in that piece of information. What you need to do is just stick to your guns and tell her to seriously give you some space because your feelings on the matter have not changed. You're still obviously not okay with being friends when you really like her. Tell her that it is unfair to you that she broke up with you and wants friends when your feelings for her are on a higher level. I would go NC and move on, to be honest. If she wants more, she will quit playing around and cut to the chase. She will tell you that she made a mistake and wants to give it another try. In the meantime... do not contact her. Give yourself some time to think and feel. If you find that you have given yourself enough time and would like to try and be friends... so be it. But do not keep giving this girl what she wants if she won't give you what you want. Move on, there are others out there!
Author jondav Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Thanks mate, I think she just wants to be friends but I want more so I should just let it go
Author jondav Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 So we went to the show last night. I hated it she seemed happy. She said catch up soon? I said maybe. Today she texted me. "thanks for last night it was fun. Let me know if you wanna catch up some time, have a good day!" Which means?? Anyway I don't want a friend I want a GF. I wish I had have just told her that
Recommended Posts