IdyllWind Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Will spill my guts later, sorry it's the "manly" side of me. But my ex left me almost 3 weeks ago. Was not the worst, but it was because I'm a "puss", showed her this for like 4 months, I knew she was seeing another guy and didn't say anything, it brought out the "puss" in me (needy, whining, clingy, complaining), I'm being honest. Just wanted to see where it led to on it's own. I've been with her on and off for almost 3 years now. Her kids love me, they call me their "step-dad". One of them has a birthday coming up May 5th, gonna be 6 years old. I've had NC for about 2 weeks now. Should I send the boy a Birthday present? I love the kids very much, even though they aren't mine, and they love me. Is this bad for NC...? Would it be bad if I left the package on her mom's doorstep without any notice? Maybe with a short note saying it's from me? Long story, she has a place but I'm not sure if she lives there anymore, and I know she has a close relationship with her Mom. Thanks. -IdyllWind
jondav Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I wouldn't. I understand the temptation but it wouldn't be right.
1784 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 It's never an ideal situation when a child of any kind is involved. Unfortunately, she has to realize that her actions not only effect her own day to day reality but her kids' as well. For me it's all or nothing. Either you want me in your life and all that comes with that or you don't. Once thing I've learned is that you can't just can't keep giving a small part of yourself to a situation. Either you give everything or you give nothing. Anything else will always feel wrong.
i made a mess Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Will spill my guts later, sorry it's the "manly" side of me. But my ex left me almost 3 weeks ago. Was not the worst, but it was because I'm a "puss", showed her this for like 4 months, I knew she was seeing another guy and didn't say anything, it brought out the "puss" in me (needy, whining, clingy, complaining), I'm being honest. Just wanted to see where it led to on it's own. I've been with her on and off for almost 3 years now. Her kids love me, they call me their "step-dad". One of them has a birthday coming up May 5th, gonna be 6 years old. I've had NC for about 2 weeks now. Should I send the boy a Birthday present? I love the kids very much, even though they aren't mine, and they love me. Is this bad for NC...? Would it be bad if I left the package on her mom's doorstep without any notice? Maybe with a short note saying it's from me? Long story, she has a place but I'm not sure if she lives there anymore, and I know she has a close relationship with her Mom. Thanks. -IdyllWind When you and your ex broke up last, was there any joint conversation with the children about what was going on? Did you get a chance to talk to the kids before you left? It's sort of a tough spot to be in. Kids are so fragile and impressionable at that age. You don't want them to feel like you just abandoned them and don't care but at the same time, where does it stop? Do you want to always be involved in their life or are you slowly dragging it out and will eventually taper off any relationship with the kids? Sometimes it's better to rip the bandaid off then to slowly peel it back. A friend of mine, who became a second father to his ex's daughter was able to maintain a relationship with the child. He goes to her sporting events, christmas plays, etc. But it took time and mature, rational communication between the mother and himself. But they were able to establish that while keeping the childs best interest in mind. Best of luck to you. I hope it all turns out in the best way possible for everyone.
Author IdyllWind Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 When you and your ex broke up last, was there any joint conversation with the children about what was going on? Did you get a chance to talk to the kids before you left? It's sort of a tough spot to be in. Kids are so fragile and impressionable at that age. You don't want them to feel like you just abandoned them and don't care but at the same time, where does it stop? Do you want to always be involved in their life or are you slowly dragging it out and will eventually taper off any relationship with the kids? Sometimes it's better to rip the bandaid off then to slowly peel it back. A friend of mine, who became a second father to his ex's daughter was able to maintain a relationship with the child. He goes to her sporting events, christmas plays, etc. But it took time and mature, rational communication between the mother and himself. But they were able to establish that while keeping the childs best interest in mind. Best of luck to you. I hope it all turns out in the best way possible for everyone. Okay well the day we broke up we had a visit with the kids (23 March). Like I said it's a long story, but CPS took her kids away in September 2010 (extremely long story). She broke up with me like 20 mins before the visit, and was assuming I wouldn't want to go because she just broke up with me. I told her "I love the kids and will go either way". Now on the way TO the visit she said she would contact me about the visits and I could go. And that would "probably be the only time you see me". Now after the visit I was plenty emotional (and clingy) and wanted to fix things post haste. This angered her and I left her at home, practically begging her to reconsider (my mistake). I left with my tail between my legs as she slammed the door, bein honest here. The last contact she's had with ME was the 25th of last month. Where I had text her if she would let me know the next visit with them. She replied with an "idk"... I still love the kids, for reals. But I'd like to give a present, as I always have. It's not those little guys' fault, and they still love me as much as I do them. And yes I'm leaving a lot out, which would make anyone hate her...
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