threebyfate Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I agree with this. All women should select only the best of guys. That means guys who have the looks, the money, and the emotional health. So that we get a much larger dating pool, and women know that the men they are with, are going to provide a good time.If you're inferring that you would meet a bar of high standards, judging by your performance on LS, I highly doubt it.
dispatch3d Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 something funky about this question. What's the success rate when "playing hard to get"? Playing hard to get involves ignoring guys and acting disinterested/just flirting for fun. So if you aren't paying attention to what guys are or are not flirting with you, how would you be aware of a "success rate". That's probably part of the appeal though.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I agree with this. All women should select only the best of guys. That means guys who have the looks, the money, and the emotional health. So that we get a much larger dating pool, and women know that the men they are with, are going to provide a good time. Actually, there are more good looking women than good looking men. So that would mean that 75% of women would be going for the top 20% of men, and 80% of men and 25% of women would be single and whining about it. But that doesn't happen, does it? If it was, this forum would be filled up with guys! Of course, threebyfate's and your advice is useless.
fishtaco Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 As someone who doesn't play hard to get but is hard to get, if it's defined as sleeping with a guy, it's worked for me my entire life. Haven't lost one who was worth keeping and currently are married to an exceptional and emotionally healthy, loving man. I strongly encourage all women to be as picky as hell in their choice of men. Form my perspective I don't think it's defined as not sleeping with men. Yes, many people seem to think of sex as the holy grail, either to get it or to protect it. I think that's unnecessary, but that's just me. I may be totally wrong. Playing hard to get is when a woman is genuinely interested in a man romantically, but intentionally and artificially put up a wall to distance herself, in order to make the men jump through hoops and hop over unnecessary obstacles in order to "catch" her. The key word here is doing this intentionally and artificially. Ice queens that are really ice queens, and are throwing obstacles in men's path to keep them away, are just acting normal. That's not playing hard to get. As for being hard to get (as opposed to play hard to get), that comes with the territory when you have options. The more options you have, the more "hard to get" you can afford to be. For both men and women.
threebyfate Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Form my perspective I don't think it's defined as not sleeping with men. Yes, many people seem to think of sex as the holy grail, either to get it or to protect it. I think that's unnecessary, but that's just me. I may be totally wrong. Playing hard to get is when a woman is genuinely interested in a man romantically, but intentionally and artificially put up a wall to distance herself, in order to make the men jump through hoops and hop over unnecessary obstacles in order to "catch" her. The key word here is doing this intentionally and artificially. Ice queens that are really ice queens, and are throwing obstacles in men's path to keep them away, are just acting normal. That's not playing hard to get. As for being hard to get (as opposed to play hard to get), that comes with the territory when you have options. The more options you have, the more "hard to get" you can afford to be. For both men and women.Some of us bond further with sex so it's worthwhile to slow down investment rate until we're certain about the guy's investment rate. Now if that makes me an ice queen, that's cool too. For sure my head trumps other areas of my body, including my heart. No matter how much I find myself caring for someone, I won't hop into the sack with him until I know he cares the same way for me. Sex didn't have to lead to marriage but it had to be more than scratching an itch. Values and psyche.
welikeincrowds Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 For sure my head trumps other areas of my body, including my heart. Not only that, but you're a practiced judge. I feel that your advice may not resonate with women who generally don't like to be conclusive, or lack skill/experience in sizing up others. That said, everyone benefits from protecting and valuing themselves, right? Do you have a response to any of this?
Author singlelife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Not only that, but you're a practiced judge. I feel that your advice may not resonate with women who generally don't like to be conclusive, or lack skill/experience in sizing up others. That said, everyone benefits from protecting and valuing themselves, right? Do you have a response to any of this? I like your post. But ironically I don't think women understand they are devaluing a man when they play hard to get. Now sseriously, what self respecting man is going to stick around for that?
threebyfate Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) Not only that, but you're a practiced judge. I feel that your advice may not resonate with women who generally don't like to be conclusive, or lack skill/experience in sizing up others. That said, everyone benefits from protecting and valuing themselves, right? Do you have a response to any of this?Can't say that my judgement is perfect, that's for certain! But it has taught me to keep my eyes wide open. Patterns of behaviour over time can usually be seen if people pay attention. As well, each incident of conflict whether conflict between words and actions or conflict between individuals, should be viewed from a top down perspective of sourcing from biological imperative. But you're right about the conclusiveness. In my opinion, I'd rather find someone compatible than have to work on a project relationship. Dig the underlying truth out first and if it points to incompatibility, then onwards. That's why I keep emphasizing not fearing loss since what exactly are you losing if you're unhappy with someone incompatible. Don't know if the above is the type of fleshing out you're looking for or if I've totally misunderstood your post. If so, let me know. Edited April 11, 2011 by threebyfate
welikeincrowds Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Can't say that my judgement is perfect Oh excuse me, I didn't mean to imply that. Dig the underlying truth out first and if it points to incompatibility, then onwards. That's why I keep emphasizing not fearing loss since what exactly are you losing if you're unhappy with someone incompatible. That's what I'm getting at. This is probably close to an essential view you take on life in general. For women who prefer to leave possibilities open, there is a real loss regardless of whether you are happy, and that's the loss of possibility. I'm having trouble articulating this because that sounds simply unhealthy and retarded, like a method for denial, or being delusional. But I think there's a distinction here. You're saying you're "hard to get" intrinsically because you have specific standards. I imagine there are some women who are "hard to get" for an opposite reason; they have few, broad standards, and thus don't have a confident grasp on criteria for a binding decision, like commitment. Is any of this making sense?
refurb Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I would argue this: it is possible to have high standards but also let a guy know you like him. Instead of ignoring a guy's interest you can always reciprocate, but demonstrate that you have standards by setting the pace of the relationship. I've shown interest in women, had them shut me down, only to find out later that they were interested but expected more effort. That's something I'm willing to put in, but not after being told "no". RF
threebyfate Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Oh excuse me, I didn't mean to imply that. Smart ass! That's what I'm getting at. This is probably close to an essential view you take on life in general. For women who prefer to leave possibilities open, there is a real loss regardless of whether you are happy, and that's the loss of possibility. I'm having trouble articulating this because that sounds simply unhealthy and retarded, like a method for denial, or being delusional. Loss of possibility is a zero sum game. Consider men in general. They don't want to be fixed or changed. So what kind of woman would be stupid enough to try? Well, a lot of them and most of them get left behind if the guy gets fed up with the attempt or he does get fixed, so off he goes to marry the woman of his dreams, leaving behind the "mother" figure who fixed or nagged the shyte out of him. But I think there's a distinction here. You're saying you're "hard to get" intrinsically because you have specific standards. I imagine there are some women who are "hard to get" for an opposite reason; they have few, broad standards, and thus don't have a confident grasp on criteria for a binding decision, like commitment. Is any of this making sense?Not sure how women with broad standards impacts on my post in any way. They, like men, will play the field and as long as they're doing the ethical dating thing, no big deal. If they're playahs, time will catch up to them and soon, they'll be begging for dates. No loss to anyone.
stepka Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 As for being hard to get (as opposed to play hard to get), that comes with the territory when you have options. The more options you have, the more "hard to get" you can afford to be. For both men and women. Well and I suppose that's the point of playing hard to get--to make it appear that you have more options than you actually do.
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Well and I suppose that's the point of playing hard to get--to make it appear that you have more options than you actually do. What girls who play hard to get don't realise is, it doesn't make them more attractive/desirable by appearing to have more options than they actually do. Any self respecting guy will go, shes not interested cool, next. What you are left with is the guys who are desperate for female attention or game players themselves which is oh so great for creating a healthy relationship I'm sure.
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 More and more men are smartening up and are no longer willing to be treated with disrespect. Smart men would rather be alone and relatively content, than constantly pursuing that which f*cks with his head. Women can play hard to get, but as Hules says, who they'll "get" will be as desperate as the woman is twisted. Amen brother, I would rather be alone than pursue someone who disrespects me from the start.
Author singlelife Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 What girls who play hard to get don't realise is, it doesn't make them more attractive/desirable by appearing to have more options than they actually do. Any self respecting guy will go, shes not interested cool, next. What you are left with is the guys who are desperate for female attention or game players themselves which is oh so great for creating a healthy relationship I'm sure. The moment women figure this out in like the next 30 years that is when they will be happier
WellLetsSee Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 The moment women figure this out in like the next 30 years that is when they will be happier Ha ha i have figured this out and I can tell you: I am definitely not happier. Many many men have lost their interest in me when they realized, that I did not join in their chasing game. This dynamic is perpetuated within the whole of society. It is just as hard to jump of the train for women as for men. Even though I still consider it worthwhile - games are just not me.
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) Ha ha i have figured this out and I can tell you: I am definitely not happier. Many many men have lost their interest in me when they realized, that I did not join in their chasing game. This dynamic is perpetuated within the whole of society. It is just as hard to jump of the train for women as for men. Even though I still consider it worthwhile - games are just not me. If only there was more women who thought like yourself. Game playing seems to be rampart for both genders I find it disgusting that it is accepted as the norm. I often get accused of playing games when I realise a girl is trying to screw with my head. However it is more I caught them out and I refuse to participate in their stupid power games and walk away. There is a big difference, relationships should be about mutual respect not who has the upper hand. I have been a lot happier since I came to the realisation that I don't need a women in my life to be happy. I would like to have a women by my side, sure as hell isn't going to be a game playing, manipulative bitch thats for sure. Edited April 11, 2011 by Hules
WellLetsSee Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I only know one guy in real life who has the same point of view as you. All the others I have talked to about this WANT THE CHASE. Yes well you are definitely right that you dont really need a partner in your life to be happy. My problem really only is that until now (Im 28) I have not managed to ever establish any serious long-term relationship with a person. I always end up with guys that I do not really like because I unfortunately have pretty low self-esteem. And then when I take a chance with a good guy (look at my thread) they still turn out to be not good for me. So what makes me feel so upset then is not really the fact that I do not have a relationship, but that there seem to be no good people around who would be willing to build a sincere relationship with me.
HeartOnSleeve Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I only know one guy in real life who has the same point of view as you. All the others I have talked to about this WANT THE CHASE. Yes well you are definitely right that you dont really need a partner in your life to be happy. My problem really only is that until now (Im 28) I have not managed to ever establish any serious long-term relationship with a person. I always end up with guys that I do not really like because I unfortunately have pretty low self-esteem. And then when I take a chance with a good guy (look at my thread) they still turn out to be not good for me. So what makes me feel so upset then is not really the fact that I do not have a relationship, but that there seem to be no good people around who would be willing to build a sincere relationship with me. I have struggled with the "chase" and game playing all year while trying to actively date. I've learned a lot and recently decided I am no longer following the "rules" that society has put on women, but instead I am going to go with my gut. Why should I play hard to get, when I know I like someone. Any man that I am going to end up with will not be motivated by the "chase" and the way we act should be natural, fun and easy. And that is just for me, everyone is different. Now on the other hand, I'm sorry you have to deal with low self esteem, but I do agree that it's hard to find love, when you can't really love yourself. Men love confindent women, and women love confident men. I think it's time to take a break, and focus on yourself. Why do you feel you have low self esteem, if you don't mind me asking? Is it physical or emotional?
WellLetsSee Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Hey I like the question actually - even though I wont be too open answering it - here in public. Nowadays it is only emotional. The physical part I have overcome and realized that I am quite hot actually in my ways Even went so far in cutting of my girlish long brown hair few years ago, and now I am wearing short blond (as you can see) with an undercut. And I really do not care if that quite some guys prefer the long haired ones. I love my body, I love my hair and face. But the emotional part I havent managed to resolve yet though. Abusive Childhood you see (and thats all I am going to say). It will take time and yes - everyone loves confident people. I know for myself it is very attractive.
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