suggestions, wise ones?

[sunshinebaby]

Soo here's the real short story of it-

 

my so and I broke up almost two months ago. I was whiny, didn't want it to happen, second week after we broke it off he started being mean. Weeks later I find out he started dating someone new just a week after the breakup..

It hurt at first but I was in NC mode for a little over a month. Trying to work on myself, blah blah. Thing is, I still really miss and want him back.

A couple days ago my mother shot him a couple texts without me knowing. I don't even know what was said. Then he let me know.. So what else could I say but sorry, i didn't know. then the ******* I thought would've been gone by now showed himself again and he accused me of pretending I was my mom. Whatever, I told him actually, it wasn't. this conversation's done with. And that was that.

 

Couple hours later Facebook tells me him and his rebound are through! It's embarrassing how happy this made me.

 

Now I know I can't go back to him. Especially after he was such a ass after the break up. But I know we really loved each other. Our relationship only lasted about 1.5 yrs, but still. Anyway my question to you is- what do you think he's thinking now? After his rebound stage?

 

What should I even do? What can I even do, to get him to come back to me? I'm doing my own thing and letting him do his, but.. the fact is I still miss him terribly when I'm out with other people.

 

Thanks in advance

[heartogold]

Heres a post you might not like it but here it is women and at times men who become to fully consumed by love for another person almost always get there hearts stomped on because the other person seems to like being loved that much but dont want to give it in return. If he moved on that fast even if you do still have feelings for hem he ant worth it he will probabley treat you bad. Loving someone strong is a good thing but you need to strengthen your self and try to be a stronger women no ofense.

if he truly loves you he will come to you. Love hurts and sucks at times but frome what you have toald me he ant in the same league as you his heart is puny and yours is big give it time go on your instincs but remember if it dont work out be strong it wasnt meant to be even if you wanted it too. Sometimes even when people are in love they at times need to think with there head instead of there heart if it dosnt work out theres a soulmate somewere out there for you worthy of your love

[sunshinebaby]

Okay you guys..

 

after those two texts about my mother

 

this guy sent another text this morning. It read I miss you. Okay, that's what I've been praying for for ever. The thing is, I think he was drunk texting.

 

Help? I want to believe that this means we're going to get together soon to talk. And then maybe start a new romantic relationship. After all, he dumped his rebound last week. Says he misses me...

 

Advice, you guys?!!

[Tasha49]

Be careful. The "I miss you" text is common. It doesn't always mean it's their way of trying to get back with you. Then you find yourself overly excited and you reply back. Sometimes they ignore your response. They just need that satisfaction of knowing you still want them. After you don't find a reply, you find yourself depressed and you feel stupid. So please do not set yourself up. Be casual about it and just say "yeah, miss you too." not "i miss you too!!!!!" You do not want to sound too excited. This way it'll make him think, and it may possibly get to him that you don't sound exstatic.

 

If he replies, think to yourself if you really want him back. If he's not really worth it then don't get sucked into going back. Love blinds us from seeing a person for who they've really become. Will you be happier by going back? Will it even last? Or will you suffer even more when it doesn't last thee second time. Once you have given all your hopes up.

 

Think this through. And take it one step at a time and be cautious. Good luck!

[Tasha49]

I also agree with heartogold. He moved on very quickly. If he cared he would have, out of respect, waited a while to start seeing someone else. He may however, just chose to move on that fast to deal with his pain from the breakup. From how you describe him though, it doesn't seem like he is too hurt. More of an ass.

[sunshinebaby]

Just thought i'd update- I did play it cool and did not tell him I missed him. I didn't talk very much either. Hours later he apologized for texting and I played it off said what's up but did not make the conversation long. Today he texted me again, but trying to make conversation.. he kind of apologized for the past month, but he said 'he didn't think i would forgive him'. I just told him that's not the kind of stuff we use texting for. And also he 'invited me to pick up my glasses' from his house anytime i liked so i said maybe sunday i'd go..

 

I'm making myself sound like i've got it all back together and not talking too much. But the thing is I don't wanna be just his friend.. He seems like himself again, well, at least from what he's been saying.

 

Do you think I should see him this weekend?

[Tasha49]

I think there is no harm in seeing him to pick your glasses up. In fact, go there looking your ABSOLUTE best and wear a new flattering outfit even. Doll yourself up and make him go nuts. I suggest going there but not acting overly anxious or excited to see him. Play it cool like your texts, but also don't come across as a snobby stuck-up bitch. There is a way to play it cool and still be yourself. Smile but don't smile too much.

 

Maybe he'll tell you it's really good to see you. And if he doesn't, he probably will end up texting you later saying it was nice seeing you. Make him do the work. He broke up with you, so if he made a mistake, he'll come around.

[sunshinebaby]

You're so right. I will do that. We actually are still kind of talking now..

 

My problem is I want him back, but I think that he's going to get stuck in this mind set that should only be friends. And I don't want that! But it's true. He must do the work... And if it's meant to be, it will be.. right?

[Tasha49]

Correct. I believe when someone realizes they screw up they will try and back-track to the source and be willing to fix things. If he misses you and you in his life, he will do whatever it is that he feels should be done. He can't and won't leave that part up to you, because he knows the ball is in his court. He ended it, he knows he needs to begin it again.

 

In the meantime good luck. Keep us updated and don't forget about us!

[0hpenelope]

...Anyway my question to you is- what do you think he's thinking now? After his rebound stage?

For someone who went into one relationship from another within a week, I can't even begin to form an opinion on what he's thinking.

 

I can tell you something certain, though: he still hasn't acted on getting back together with you.

 

I wouldn't sweat over an ex finding someone else, either.

 

What should I even do? What can I even do, to get him to come back to me? I'm doing my own thing and letting him do his, but.. the fact is I still miss him terribly when I'm out with other people.

I didn't read the other responses to you and this is counterintuitive to what you want, but the ex that comes back, comes back when the person left behind has let go. I've seen/heard/read about exes that stayed friends and re-conciliated sometime down the road, but being in that position was very difficult for the one who wants to get back together. If he wants to stay friends with you and you don't want to be just a friend to him, then "help" him with the break up by not being in his life and make your healing your priority.

 

If you have the opportunity to see him again, don't look depressed or down in spirit and be casual with him. You didn't attract your ex as a sad version of yourself. If anything about the relationship is discussed, let him be the one to bring it up first and think about your words before replying.

 

Give him the space that he wants; let him come to you on his own. The sooner you focus on yourself and heal, the quicker you'll get to moving on. The ex coming back is just a side effect of letting go and not a guaranteed occurrence. For any story about an ex that came back after the person's moved on, there is also a story of an ex that still felt the decision to break up was the correct choice for himself/herself and would love to be friends. Or not want to be friends at all.

 

Buckle down and start healing, sunshine. Take care of yourself!

[sunshinebaby]

Thank you for the advice, 0hpenelope. It really does help me when people respond to me, lol! Just incase you didn't catch this- me and this guy have been broken up for about two months. We were in NC for over a month. He just started talking to me, like having conversations yesterday. He always texts me first.

 

I've definetly healed way more than I was around the first month of being broken up. The truth is, now that he's talking to me I don't think about him as much. Isn't that strange? Of course, I do want him to get back together.

 

So while I can imagine a life without him, I'd rather he be in my life again.. have I healed?

 

I limit my words when I talk to him, and I am NOT coming across as needy, or sad. For that I am proud of myself! He think's I'm some cool cat who's found herself in spirituality (;

[heartogold]

Thats good if you havnt ben thinking about him as much. Just remember to trad carefuly I still have a funny feeling about him moving on so fast like he did. Not trying to be nosey just to understand better do you have a intimate relationship with him if not he might have had one with someone else and then decided to go back to you after he got his fix. and loves a two way streey frome a guys perspective if he is in love with you one way or another he will prove it he will glow when hes around you he will open up to you without hesitation he will look into your eyes and see into your soul he will stop at nothing to make things work. But my opinion if I realy loved a girl real love I wouldnt move on so fast after the relationship with the one I love. If it was me I would strengthen up some more and move on. The bigest mistake people make in relationships and marriages is playing all the damn games. I have ben with the same women for almost eight years we dated 2 and ahalf and ben married for five why is that? A open and honest relationship we have reached a level were we are open and honest about everything. Thats what anybody needs who wants a meaningful relationship or marriage hope this helps stay strong

[sunshinebaby]

Yes, we did have a great intimate relationship. As an update to all, he is being very open. He's acting very nervous, too. Always apologizing for bothering me. We talked a lot yesterday, he asked about me, told me things about him.

 

The last month he's just been drinking and smoking pot 'to numb himself'. I can see he's very confused. He wants to move out of state, too. Which is a very stupid idea, and I told him that.

 

What was different about yesterday was that he wasn't all ****ed up on something, and he said he was happy. 'maybe bc i was talking to you?' towards the end of the night he mentioned that he wished i was watching a movie with him bc the bow i tied at the post of his bed reminded him of me. Now that bow holds a lot of significance to me.. i tied it around there when we first started dating. I thought he would've removed during that time..

 

then i was just kind of like hmm.. and that was the end of that. today this morning he apologized for being so open and 'pressuring me'.

 

OH! And he said that girl was 'just a old friend who pulled me into a drunken relationship' AKA meant nothing. Haha. Actually it used to really bother me when I first found out, but truth be told, I don't care that he was with her. Bc they did break up and I KNOW nothing they did was ever as wonderful as the adventures we shared..

 

It's getting really hard to decline his invitations to hang out, but I have to study ):

[sunshinebaby]

Update:

 

And we're back together (: