LonerGirl Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 So I'm in a situation with a guy that I'm not sure I can even call dating. We've been hanging out with each other for two months now about 6 days a week. We are intimate and I've met his brother and his parents. He hasn't met my mother yet, but that is usually because she is at work. The point is is that I'm going a little crazy not knowing exactly what we are doing. My mind is going crazy between dating, FWB, casual dating, just friends. What is going on? So I need to know how to ask him what he thinks. I don't want to pressure him into anything. We are both really busy people and are coming up to the end of the semester so we are both a bit stressed out from school. If I wait to have this conversation with him once the semester is over how should I bring it up? I don't want to ruin the friendship we have developed, but I want more from him. I know he's not paying attention to any other women and I have no interest in any other guys, but I get easily confused by men in general. So how do I go about this gently? Do I put in hints? I don't want to play any games with him, I would hate that if he did it to me. What do I say? I don't want to make an ultimatum, that sounds like a terrible idea! For a girl I am conversationally kind of dumb. I'm not good with talking to people. Help!
Mrlonelyone Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 How about just asking him on a date and calling it a date? You could also try not being coy about it and just talking to him.
Author LonerGirl Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) How about just asking him on a date and calling it a date? You could also try not being coy about it and just talking to him. Well I did ask him once about if he let girls pay for dates and he said yes. So I said I would pay for the next one and he said ok. In fact I took him to dinner tonight as well. He usually pays for me, but I like to pay my way too because otherwise I feel like a mooch. I know I should talk to him, but I'm scared of scaring him away or ruining everything. I'm not sure exactly the right words to say to even bring up the subject. Edit: I suppose I should add that I've never had the "talk" with anyone before so that is another reason why I'm so clueless. Edited April 10, 2011 by LonerGirl
youngskywalker Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 but I want more from him. Not to worry. If he wants more from you then he'll come and get it. You're already intimate so that's a good thing. Not that I want to give out any secrets of the mind of a man but I think you have the upper hand and don't even know it. Patience is the key. Keep hanging out with other friends... also friends who are guys but not "boyfriends". Show yourself committed but not THAT committed. Make him worry that some other guy could come along and snatch you up if he doesn't make his move.
Darren Taylor Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Make him worry that some other guy could come along and snatch you up if he doesn't make his move. That's game playing and if I found out the girl I was seeing intentionally did something like that, she'd be history.
Mr.Cairo Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 That's game playing and if I found out the girl I was seeing intentionally did something like that, she'd be history. Also, why would this scare the guy into doing anything? There are plenty of women out there who'd jump his bones without him having to work at it, so if the 'relationship' doesn't work out, he won't be bugged about it.
Darren Taylor Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Also, why would this scare the guy into doing anything? There are plenty of women out there who'd jump his bones without him having to work at it, so if the 'relationship' doesn't work out, he won't be bugged about it. That's assuming he has respect for himself and has the ability to walk away.
youngskywalker Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Also, why would this scare the guy into doing anything? There are plenty of women out there who'd jump his bones without him having to work at it, so if the 'relationship' doesn't work out, he won't be bugged about it. Ummmm well, seems like the OP is "one of the plenty women" who is "jumping his bones" as it is now. So if the relationship doesn't work out then he won't be bugged about it. So tell me, why shouldn't she be dating other men and keeping her options open?
Anxiety Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 If your together 6 days a week, your intimate, and neither of you are looking for anyone else, aren't you already a couple? Seems to me you are, just that no one has put a label on it.
Author LonerGirl Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 Ummmm well, seems like the OP is "one of the plenty women" who is "jumping his bones" as it is now. Where do you get that idea? If that were the case I would be hanging out with him at all. Who said she shouldn't? She should be dating lots of guys, and meeting new guys everyday to enlarge that dating pool. Relationships, if people are keen on those artificial constructs, have them on a later age, like when they're in their 50's. Enjoy your youth guys and gals, don't trouble yourself with 'commitment'. Just have fun. I'm not interested in dating tons of guys. It takes a lot for me to be interested in someone in the first place. I'm usually quite content being alone. If your together 6 days a week, your intimate, and neither of you are looking for anyone else, aren't you already a couple? Seems to me you are, just that no one has put a label on it. It feels like that to me, but I need to hear it. I don't like guessing. What if we are on two completely different pages and I don't even know it? I'm a literal person. If someone wants me to know something they better tell me. I don't like reading between the lines. Hints go right over my head.
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