30 yr. old woman, had to leave him because of abuse, need and strength

[sweethearttx]

Hi,

 

I feel a little silly being a 30 year old woman posting on here looking for support. But I've never been in a situation like this before.

 

To put everything into a nutshell...I was dating a guy for about 6 months. I really thought he had potential, and I haven't dated many people since my divorce 4 1/2 years ago.

 

Throughout the relationship I saw some things that I didn't understand, and that seemed harsh and questionable. I ignored them, as we often do.

 

Then other night during an argument he grabbed me, pushed me backwards on the couch, spewed abusive words at me, then raised his hand to punch me in the face. I covered my face and was scared to death.

 

He wanted to break up with me, and I am ashamed to say I didn't want to let him. I was freaking out about losing him. But after he left, I snapped out of it. I agreed to the break-up, and now I'm trying to cope.

 

We share a circle of friends, it's really hard knowing what to do. Right now I am just hiding, avoiding anything having to do with him and any friends we share. I still can't help but think of the good times, and long for the love I so wanted and so thought I had. But I know that isn't love. He was good to me a lot, but I can't let that overshadow what happened.

 

Can anyone give me words of wisdom to help me get through? I had an abusive mother, so I know I have issues in this area. I have never had a man raise his fist to strike me, or talk to me the way he did. It's really painful right now. And I feel really alone because I have to avoid a big part of my social network.

 

Thanks.

 

Liz

[Ginger Beer]

I'm not really the best person to give advice here, and I don't really know what to say, but don't feel silly asking for advice please.

 

I sort of know how you feel regarding the circle of friends, do you not have any friends at all that don't mix with your boyfriend?

[sweethearttx]

I do...so I know I need to focus on those friends. It's just hard having to cut out most of my circle. Means I will be spending a lot more time at home, thinking, because I can't go to the get-togethers.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hi,

 

I feel a little silly being a 30 year old woman posting on here looking for support. But I've never been in a situation like this before.

 

To put everything into a nutshell...I was dating a guy for about 6 months. I really thought he had potential, and I haven't dated many people since my divorce 4 1/2 years ago.

 

Throughout the relationship I saw some things that I didn't understand, and that seemed harsh and questionable. I ignored them, as we often do.

 

Then other night during an argument he grabbed me, pushed me backwards on the couch, spewed abusive words at me, then raised his hand to punch me in the face. I covered my face and was scared to death.

 

He wanted to break up with me, and I am ashamed to say I didn't want to let him. I was freaking out about losing him. But after he left, I snapped out of it. I agreed to the break-up, and now I'm trying to cope.

 

We share a circle of friends, it's really hard knowing what to do. Right now I am just hiding, avoiding anything having to do with him and any friends we share. I still can't help but think of the good times, and long for the love I so wanted and so thought I had. But I know that isn't love. He was good to me a lot, but I can't let that overshadow what happened.

 

Can anyone give me words of wisdom to help me get through? I had an abusive mother, so I know I have issues in this area. I have never had a man raise his fist to strike me, or talk to me the way he did. It's really painful right now. And I feel really alone because I have to avoid a big part of my social network.

 

Thanks.

 

Liz

 

 

Hi Liz,

 

Gosh, I can barely believe that this story begins and ends with you getting away from an abusive beau fairly quickly.

 

 

You don't need advice - you need to give yourself CREDIT for letting yourself break the hold he could have had on you.

 

It would be wonderful, now, to be able to somehow tie traits you knew in your mother to traits your beau exhibited early on in your relationship.

 

Unfortunately it is NORMAL that you would be drawn as an adult to traits which harmed you during childhood.