Is a second chance possible? Or NC?

[shawn923]

I'll keep this short if I can...

 

Basically i shared a 3 month relationship with my ex girlfriend who dumped me. Although the time was short, I honestly felt we were madly in love and we were meant to be together. She said i was the best bf she ever had by far and that we would get married, blah blah... Then one day she flipped out because of my insecurites... However, it was over a SINGLE situation, which was pretty petty and she used it almost as a reason to get out of the relationship. I begin reading GIGS and i think this may have happened to her, even though or relationship was short. She's 20, im 22. She has strict parents and has a curfew still... and shes saving sex for marriage.

 

Moving on, its 2 n half months since the breakup, and ive pretty much made every mistake possible, begging her back, showering her with gifts.... All attempts failed. All she ever says is "i dont give second chances"... Ive went NC on her twice, both for two days, until she cried to have me back... but only as a friend. so i said ok fine, how hard can being her friend be? i'll just keep her around until one day feelings come back... But this is not the case. She tells me shes been dating and could possibly be in a relationship soon. I have not been dating... i am honestly still heartbroken. Although i do workout, play basketball, and go clubbing all the time and i feel great when i do. But at home is when the sadness comes... Also i see her randomly at school at its hard to avoid her.

 

As of right now i guess we're on good terms, but im still concerned about her hopping in a new relationship. If she does, i already now its right to go NC. But is it too late? I mean, ive pretty much been her friend since we broke up. And now shes dating again. I still want to be with her and shes well aware of it... Its just killing me to be her friend because i seriously doubt she puts any effort into get us back. But by going NC its like im throwing in the towel.

 

Now, i dont mind going NC, i know its hard but i know its BEST. Its just that if i do, i want her to know basically, "i cant be friends because i still want to be with you and seeing u date someone else isnt fair to me"... SO do i just straight up tell her that and start FULL NC? which includes erasing her off fb... But i just want to word it right so i can mention giving her her space, so it will make her SEE what she lost... Also, im not even sure if i should just do this out the blue, because me n her are on good terms now... So what should i do??

[Layzie89]

Does anyone else notice shawn starts a new thread jst about every week sometimes twice a week asking the same questions over and over again?

 

We've answered all these questions already shawn, please refer back to the 15 other threads you started.

[confused1989]

To be honest if it's been 2 and a half months since you guys broke up I think you need to take a different approach. Obviously whatever you are doing now isn't working if you're still hung up on her. You should go NC but I don't think the question here should be "second chance versus NC", you go NC and if you get another chance then good, if not then you move on.

 

I don't think NC is throwing in the towel. You already said she's been starting to date. I don't see the point in still talking to her if you know for a fact she's already dating. That's not throwing in the towel. That's telling her you're not waiting around to see if it works out with these new guys or not.

 

Just move forward man it's hard but you can do it, you guys were together 3 months and she called you out on your insecurities, I think there would be more bad to come eventually anyway.

 

Plenty of people here moving forward and doing NC I'm the same age as you and I begged and pleaded for 2 months too and then I woke up and said you know what this is ridiculous, I don't know if she's interested in anyone else or planning on dating anyone else but I'm not gonna stick around to find out either, and I've been going forward ever since.

 

Trust me you're gonna be screwed up even more if you wait for her to be officially in a relationship before you go NC. Why not just go NC now and worry about yourself and if she gets with someone then fine, you won't know about it anyway rather than waiting around to get crushed.

Edited April 10, 2011 by confused1989

[shawn923]

To be honest if it's been 2 and a half months since you guys broke up I think you need to take a different approach. Obviously whatever you are doing now isn't working if you're still hung up on her. You should go NC but I don't think the question here should be "second chance versus NC", you go NC and if you get another chance then good, if not then you move on.

 

I don't think NC is throwing in the towel. You already said she's been starting to date. I don't see the point in still talking to her if you know for a fact she's already dating. That's not throwing in the towel. That's telling her you're not waiting around to see if it works out with these new guys or not.

 

Just move forward man it's hard but you can do it, you guys were together 3 months and she called you out on your insecurities, I think there would be more bad to come eventually anyway.

 

Plenty of people here moving forward and doing NC I'm the same age as you and I begged and pleaded for 2 months too and then I woke up and said you know what this is ridiculous, I don't know if she's interested in anyone else or planning on dating anyone else but I'm not gonna stick around to find out either, and I've been going forward ever since.

 

Trust me you're gonna be screwed up even more if you wait for her to be officially in a relationship before you go NC. Why not just go NC now and worry about yourself and if she gets with someone then fine, you won't know about it anyway rather than waiting around to get crushed.

 

K... I guess this is the best way. Im going to txt her tonite telling her i need space and just being honest, telling her being friends hurts and its not fair to me. So hopefully when i go NC this time it will stick. Ive heard if theres any chance shes going to come back, its because of NC. NC will speed up the process of making her miss you, and making you get over her. I just pray im going about this the right way... I keep doubting myself whenever i think about going NC, as if i didnt say or do enough to get my point across, or that i didnt say enough to get her to miss me... Idk. I just wanna make sure it goes down the right way whereas i can get all my respect back

[confused1989]

Well I understand what you're saying. But dude really you have to tell yourself you're going NC and you have to STICK to it. I had such a hard time at first, and you will too but you have to expect it to be that way, so when it does happen you can just accept it and say "yeah this is hard now but it's going to get better."

 

Just keep reminding yourself that NC is for you. Not her, and it won't necessarily bring her back. It might not make her miss you the way you want her to, but if she's going to miss you at all NC will allow that to happen. Think about all the things you love in your life and imagine it being completely gone out of no where, well if it's meant to be and she truly loved you then she will truly miss you and come back eventually.

 

But you can't bank on this. And don't doubt yourself eithier dude. There is no words, no actions, nothing you can do right now that will bring her back. You begged and pleaded, and said 90249032904 different things to her, and did she come crawling back to you? No.

 

Be honest with yourself man. You're not gettin gwhat you want right now, and you're clearl ynot happy. You have to switch it up, go NC.

 

Trust me there is NOTHING you can say that will "get her to miss you". All you can do is stop talking alltogether, because everytime you say something to her you risk pushing her away further.

 

I seriously wouldn't send her a thing from here on out. Trust me dude I was in your shoes.

 

The way you get your respect back is by saying nothing.

 

I think you said in another thread that the longest you guys went without talking since you guys broke up was 2 days. You need space from her, you can't go trying to prove to her that you're the best thing she'll ever have and that you fixed your insecurities this quickly.

 

Leave it be man.. I know where you're coming from but go ahead and read some of my threads if you want. My ex even said I was in her plans and that she wanted to be with me, so I kept talkign to her and showing her affection for 2 months after we broke up and guess what? It got me NO WHERE.

 

It's only when you seriously take a step back from this that you'll see things clearer. I see my ex totally different now that I've been in NC for a couple of weeks. You need to give it more time than just 2 days.

[shawn923]

So no text tonite? So i just erase her off fb too out the blue? What am i to do when she asks why?? when i dont reply im sure she'll send another like "fine be a immature little kid and dont respond i dont care".... then it'll look like im ignoring her instead of getting away from here. Thats the only reason i wanted to send something for closure. but if i dont send anything and just begin to ignore her out the blue im thinking it'll send the wrong message, that im immature and just ignoring her or something. then she'll NEVER come back.

[hunk]

I'm getting sick of seeing these threads man. I don't understand why you can't get this through your head. She doesn't want you, she's not attracted to you in that way anymore, she's keeping you around as some emotional crutch. If she wanted to be with you she would be with you. It's that simple. She's not with you, so she doesn't want to be with you. Please just let this go.

[Layzie89]

I'm getting sick of seeing these threads man. I don't understand why you can't get this through your head. She doesn't want you, she's not attracted to you in that way anymore, she's keeping you around as some emotional crutch. If she wanted to be with you she would be with you. It's that simple. She's not with you, so she doesn't want to be with you. Please just let this go.

 

Thank god. I was beginning to think I was the only one noticing the redundancy in this guys billion threads.

[Fufu]

I will be VERY REALISTIC HERE.

 

if she wants to be with you, she will make her sincere actions and contact SHOWN to you, she will ACTIVELY chooses you, you do not need to wreck your brain to think how to please her and make her come back (After all she's the one who chooses to leave the relationship)

 

So please start NC and stop confusing yourself.

 

 

and for goodness sake, it's only 3 months relationship and she breaks up with you. If this happens to me, I will be very happy instead. Happy that I see this person's side earlier than later. Majority of us have been through years of relationship with our exes and in the end they chose to say BYE BYE to us, be glad your relationship was only 3 months long.

[shawn923]

Well i told her long story short, we couldnt be friends because it was hurting me seeing her date new people. she said fine because i was sick of this **** anyway... and thats that. NC is now started. She will be at school tmr, and i will try my best to totally avoid her even if it means giving up time with my friends. and if i do see her i wont make eye contact and ill slowly leave the room if i have to... Hopefully this time I can make NC stick. And hopefully this makes me get over her.

 

I still havent erased her off fb. I didnt see the need for it... Ill just never post any statuses relating to her or the breakup. However if she gets in a relationship or something like that ill erase her... Also the summer is coming up, may 1, and i wont have to see her in school anymore. This is when i can start FULL 100% NC, and thats when ill erase her off fb.

 

So hopefully, am i doing the right thing? Shes well aware i want her. She dumped me. and is now dating others. So i said we cant be friends... and thats that.

[shawn923]

Does anyone else notice shawn starts a new thread jst about every week sometimes twice a week asking the same questions over and over again?

 

We've answered all these questions already shawn, please refer back to the 15 other threads you started.

 

Does anything notice that you comment on EVERY thread i do, and I never reply to you, yet you still follow EVERYthing i write? I may have a stalker... I dont want or need your help yet you continue to comment on ALL of my threads. Leave me alone. Dont reply. Never reply. Stop. Now.

[Hules]

Does anything notice that you comment on EVERY thread i do, and I never reply to you, yet you still follow EVERYthing i write? I may have a stalker... I dont want or need your help yet you continue to comment on ALL of my threads. Leave me alone. Dont reply. Never reply. Stop. Now.

 

It's a free forum mate, from what I've seen Layzie89 has posted some really good solid advice for many people. Also I have read some of your other threads you come across as been extremely insecure almost borderline stalking behavior.

 

I think the reason Layzie89 and others are getting frustrated is because you keep making new threads over and over about the same issue, to which him and many others have offered you a lot of sound advice, to which you have seem to have ignored (which is your choice).

 

However it does get to a point where it becomes extremely frustrating when you keep making these new threads hoping to get advice that you want to hear ie. "Shes ****ing crazy about you, your the best thing since sliced bread and have no personal issues to work on."

 

It comes across as been greedy, self centered (and in my opinion it is). You are hogging advice that others would love to hear in the hope of finding a "magical elixir" to make this girl want you back.

 

I mean no disrespect, I'm sure you are going through a hard time right now.

 

My honest advice go NC focus on your own personal issues, this girl isn't going to want you back in your current form (she will most likely never want you back, honest truth I'm not going to sugar coat it).

 

You need to go NC for your own mental health, sanity the way you are obsessing over this girl is not healthy. If you are worried that NC will push her away please refer to my own personal story.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=272608&page=2

 

specifically this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3333680&postcount=18 (also replied to your question if you haven't read it Layzie89 )

 

NC will bring them back if its meant to be, first and for most it is to protect yourself and let you heal and get control of your life back. I wish you luck on your personal journey but I ask you do not attack people who are giving you sound advice (even if you don't agree with it). As to your question of closure, you don't need it thats just an excuse to stay in contact with this girl. You make your own closure "she doesn't want to be with me, I don't need to know why". My ex didn't give me a shred of closure so I made my own.

 

Your attempts at NC have not been NC at all, you are looking for a instant fix. Sorry to say it doesn't work like that these things take a lot of time and most importantly you need to work on you.

 

So once again to make it clear and concise what you need to do:

 

1) Go NC don't reply to any messages or contact she makes you can't be this girls friend, its tearing you apart. She will understand why you are even if she doesn't like it. Remember she dumped you, she is not entitled to your friendship you owe her nothing. You also look weak hanging around with puppy dog eyes hoping she will reconsider, she has no respect for you now.

 

2) Focus on yourself, fix yours personal issues. Do things that make you happy. In short, take your god dam life back, no one is worth your self-respect and dignity and you are handing it to this girl on a silver platter.

3) Destroy anything that reminds you of her. Delete her contact details (phones number/facebook/email/everything), you won't be needing them anymore.

 

4) Start your journey to recovery, I promise it will be hard as hell to begin with but it will get better.

Edited April 11, 2011 by Hules

[shawn923]

I post it over and over cuz its the advice i need... And its funny to watch all of u get mad over the internet LMAO. I'd rather post a million threads on here then ask my friends about it, I've ask them about it and even they said to leave it alone. PLus they'll get mad if i ask them over n over n over, so honestly id rather get people on LS mad... i dont mind. I just wanted help...

 

So moving on, im trying my best to follow thru NC. Ive gotten rid of everything about her besides erasing her off fb and her phone number. I will see her at school, which is hard, because im forced to avoid and see her at the same time. I think i may erase her off fb, but i dont know if thats absolutely neccessary. Ive done it before, and both times i got a reaction outta her as if i was being bogus and deleting her out my life. This time around, i politely let her know i was "going NC'' so im not sure if erasing her off fb is the right thing to do... But if its necessary, i mean i'll do it. In the meantime, is there a time limit on NC? How long should it be done? Im going to try to keep this up until at least May 1. then see how i feel then...

[Fufu]

there is no time limit for NC, you will just continue to do it until you have officially move on

[Hules]

I post it over and over cuz its the advice i need... And its funny to watch all of u get mad over the internet LMAO. I'd rather post a million threads on here then ask my friends about it, I've ask them about it and even they said to leave it alone. PLus they'll get mad if i ask them over n over n over, so honestly id rather get people on LS mad... i dont mind. I just wanted help...

 

So moving on, im trying my best to follow thru NC. Ive gotten rid of everything about her besides erasing her off fb and her phone number. I will see her at school, which is hard, because im forced to avoid and see her at the same time. I think i may erase her off fb, but i dont know if thats absolutely neccessary. Ive done it before, and both times i got a reaction outta her as if i was being bogus and deleting her out my life. This time around, i politely let her know i was "going NC'' so im not sure if erasing her off fb is the right thing to do... But if its necessary, i mean i'll do it. In the meantime, is there a time limit on NC? How long should it be done? Im going to try to keep this up until at least May 1. then see how i feel then...

 

This is a give/take community, we help each other, you on the other hand have only been taking over and over (aka a leech). I took the time to write out some advice for you even though I know you don't deserve it, what do you do spit in my face.

 

So you know what I'm going to give you the advice you want to hear so you can bugger off and we can help people who actually deserve it.

 

1) Shes ****ing crazy about you, stupid for dumping you and you are the most awesome, flawless person ever.

 

2) You should blow up her phone, send her flowers, write her romantic letters, buy expensive gifts. Because she is deeply and madly in love with you, this is a good way of showing you are too.

 

3) Make sure to harass her on facebook as well just for good measure, to make sure she knows she belongs to you. Any guy hits on her make sure to punch him in the face, this shows you are manly.

 

4) Make sure to grovel at her feet and lick her shoes, girls love this sends them wild.

 

5) Don't go NC it will make her feel not loved and treasured and will push her away.

 

6) When you see her in person make sure to stare at her all the time, when she looks at you lick your lips this will make her go bananas.

 

7) If the above doesn't work next time you see her drop your pants and do flight controller signals to your crotch, I've done this many times it always works. I don't usually give this advice because its kind of a secret but you are a awesome guy so, go get her tiger!

 

Got the advice you wanted now? Good, now beat it. Go wallow in your in pit of self despair and loathing.

Edited April 11, 2011 by Hules

[TryTryAgain]

so honestly id rather get people on LS mad

 

That was downright rude, man. You should be ashamed of yourself.

 

I have followed your numerous threads, but have never replied because many of the seasoned members of these boards have given you very sound advice.

 

Your attitude is terrible. Grow up.

[shawn923]

LMAO why do so many ppl care? Is me posting too many threads making any of ur lives more miserable?? NO. I use LS for my conscience. Whenever i second guess myself, i dont ask my friends because they'll have the same reaction u guys would... Thats why i rather look foolish on here then i would in person. I could care less how foolish i look in front of any of you. And im not taking anything... Ive apreacited every piece of advice ive ever gotten. So stop tryna make me look like a bad guy, cuz honestly i dont fawking care. Its just a fawking website. I already know i have to go NC and erase her out my life completely to move on. I just come here to vent here and there, and be reminded im doing the right thing... Now get mad if u want, it wont phase me.

[TryTryAgain]

LMAO why do so many ppl care?....cuz honestly i dont fawking care.

 

Apathy...that is a necessary step in healing. You're further along in your healing than you lead on. Good for you, Shawn.

[Hules]

LMAO why do so many ppl care? Is me posting too many threads making any of ur lives more miserable?? NO.

 

Obviously you are making people upset by your constant disrespect and disregard of advice. Otherwise people would not be complaining right?

 

I use LS for my conscience.

 

What a joker. This honestly made me laugh, you don't know the meaning of the word. If you truly posted here because of your conscience you would not be acting in the disrespectful manner you are.

 

Whenever i second guess myself, i dont ask my friends because they'll have the same reaction u guys would... Thats why i rather look foolish on here then i would in person. I could care less how foolish i look in front of any of you.

 

I can understand this, however doesn't give you a right to act like a dickhead online.

 

And im not taking anything... Ive apreacited every piece of advice ive ever gotten. So stop tryna make me look like a bad guy, cuz honestly i dont fawking care.

 

Actually you are, and you are not thankful. You turn right around and insult the people who are giving you advice, that is not been thankful. Ever heard of the phrase "Dont bite the hand that feeds you?". You come here asking for advice and then insult the people who offer it.

 

Don't be surprised when the hand that has been feeding you gives you a swift slap of reality.

 

Also this post below obviously shows that you do care. Yeah not fooling me, your about as transparent as a piece of glass.

 

Does anything notice that you comment on EVERY thread i do, and I never reply to you, yet you still follow EVERYthing i write? I may have a stalker... I dont want or need your help yet you continue to comment on ALL of my threads. Leave me alone. Dont reply. Never reply. Stop. Now.

 

Its just a fawking website.

 

No it's not just a "fawking" website. This is a community of real live, breathing people. Who are going through some hard stuff, just because its online doesn't mean you can get away with disrespecting this community and myself. This statement alone shows you are incapable of feeling empathy and are self centered and narcissistic.

 

In short. Grow the **** up. Learn some basic manners and respect.

 

I already know i have to go NC and erase her out my life completely to move on. I just come here to vent here and there, and be reminded im doing the right thing... Now get mad if u want, it wont phase me.

 

Good in act the advice that has been given to you over and over. No need to rile people up by posting the same **** over and over. You know what would be productive. Continuing your NC log thread and letting us know how you are doing there.

 

This community gave me advice when I needed it and I never would of dreamed of conducting myself in the manner you have. I am in a better place now and have stuck around to give back to the community. If this means having to take out the trash that is making others upset then so be it.

 

So what will it be Shawn? Shall we continue, or will you show some basic god dam decency?

Edited April 12, 2011 by Hules

[shawn923]

Blah blah blah why type so much? Why do u care? I never rejected any advice from anyone except layzie because he seems to stalk me... Everyone else relax cuz I don't even care I just want advice without talkin to layzie! Damn it's JUST A WEBSITE ppl come to for advice. If u don't wanna give me advice then leave me alone! I'll stick with the ppl that will... Fawk ppl on here act like a dumb ass teacher that's always nitpicking at shyt. Damn just leave me alone why work yourself up so much? Smh

[Hules]

Blah blah blah why type so much? Why do u care? I never rejected any advice from anyone except layzie because he seems to stalk me... Everyone else relax cuz I don't even care I just want advice without talkin to layzie! Damn it's JUST A WEBSITE ppl come to for advice. If u don't wanna give me advice then leave me alone! I'll stick with the ppl that will...

 

Whats wrong Princess? You have admitted you get a rise out of making people on here angry/upset why should I show you any mercy? You seem quick to dish it out but are awfully defensive for someone who "doesn't care". This is what you call tough love. Don't like it? then respect that this isn't "just a ****ing website" and it is a community, not your personal playground.

 

Fawk ppl on here act like a dumb ass teacher that's always nitpicking at shyt. Damn just leave me alone why work yourself up so much? Smh

 

Seems I've hit a sore spot, don't like been treated like a kid huh? If you want to be treated like an adult then act like one. You are acting like a spoilt brat and I am treating you accordingly.

Edited April 12, 2011 by Hules

[TryTryAgain]

ive pretty much made every mistake possible, begging her back, showering her with gifts....

 

Now you can add "burning bridges with people who care" to the list. When you make generalized statements like "Fawk ppl on here act like a dumb ass teacher that's always nitpicking at shyt," you are seriously alienating yourself. People do come here for advice, so contributors are going to nitpick things, things that you may not otherwise see with your own two eyes. As of right now, I'm trying to tell you as an outside observer that you are coming across as a HUGE a-hole.

 

Damn it's JUST A WEBSITE ppl come to for advice.

 

It's a bit more than that for many of us. It's a community of actual PEOPLE, Shawn.

 

Shes well aware i want her. She dumped me. and is now dating others. So i said we cant be friends... and thats that.

 

I think that is a solid approach. You also said you're going to go NC until May 1 and then see how you feel. Time can do wonders for healing, but don't just jump at the opportunity to contact her just because you made it to your goal.

[shawn923]

I think that is a solid approach. You also said you're going to go NC until May 1 and then see how you feel. Time can do wonders for healing, but don't just jump at the opportunity to contact her just because you made it to your goal.

 

Okkkkkkkkk

[shawn923]

I deleted her overnight off of facebook...

 

I saw her today at school unexpectedly. She doesn't have class, but knows I do. Anyway she walk past me while on campus and I made eye contact because I didn't know it was her. My heart dropped right away, and we had a good 3 full secs of eye contact. I just quickly put my head down... She walked past me with her best friend. She walked past again but this time I saw her coming and I didn't even look up off my laptop. So u guys can see how hard this is to try to avoid her without looking like a little kid that's running from her.

 

So... Am I handling this right? How am I suppose to handle myself while at school, where seeing her is random? I don't wanna have to walk around and take longer routes just because she's there. And also I'm not even sure if putting my head down without even saying hi was the wrong thing... But at this point maybe it doesn't matter. Any help would be greatly appreciated thanks........

[nlpman]

is it just me or did anyone else hear the sound of a chair falling on the floor and the creaking of a stretched rope??