dolphinsunshyn Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Well, without fail, as soon as I swear off dating forever someone else comes along. I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. GUY #1: I just met a guy over the weekend. He is really nice. In fact he is so nice, his birthday was Saturday and he took ME out. I insited on paying because it was his birthday, but he refused saying he was just happy that I agreed to go out with him. He has called me everyday and we went out again yesterday. A day date that turned into night date. It went well. He is really sweet and affectionate. I can tell he is ready for a relationship, so if I choose to pursue this I know it is a sure thing without all of the games that I recently went through. He has even already hinted and has asked me if I am wanting a boyfriend now or not. GUY #2: Now to my dilemma. If you all remember, I just cut off contact with a guy because, he got scared and confused by his feelings, wasn't ready for a relationship, ect. However, I felt that he was "the one". When we ended things (to give him some time to figure things out) we left the door open. I have a feeling that he does eventually want things to work, but needs time to situate his life. GUY #3: There is also a third guy that I have been friends with for about a year now. He has had an on/off girlfriend. They are finally over per her request. I know that he has been interested in me for a while and I am interested too. We have only been friends, but there is definatly a spark there. Last night, while I was out with this new guy, he was there. He gave me a couple of big hugs, a kiss on the cheek and asked questions about the new guy. He even asked me to dance (after asking guy #1's permission). O.K. To my question, What should I do with all of this? I like guy #1 and I know that he will treat me right, is ready for a relationship, ect. However, I haven't felt that spark that I have with the other two. He is kinda shy and I feel like I have to make all of the conversation. As far as the other two, I feel a connection with both of them, but one relationship is on hold indefinatly (guy #2) and the other is going through a breakup (although I think he was ready to get out himself). So neither one is completely emotionally available now. Any advice? I wasn't planning to date anyone for a while. I really wanted to wait for a little while to see if guy #2 got his act together. The others just came into the picture. But, the way I see it if someone gives you a gift, only a fool would walk away from it. So, even though I wasn't planning to date, I think it is worth pursuing. I haven't been sexually intimate (just kisssing) with any of them, so I can't measure sexual attraction. I have to just use conversation/interests as my basis. They are all great guys. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. Any suggestions??
Sundaymorning Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 are you really preg or was that a joke too? lol Well, date #1 needs a chance, i would say go with the new instead of the old. So, #1 in my opinon.
Darkangelism Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Guy two if he comes around, but im not sure that he will otherwise guy number one is who i would choose.
moimeme Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Put three pieces of paper with their names on it in a box, close your eyes, and pull one. You'll do about as well, I think. I think guy 1 sounds like a bad deal because you're weighing his benefits objectively and thinking of what he could give you but considering relating to him to be a chore. That will wear thin in the long run.
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted April 5, 2004 Author Posted April 5, 2004 Yes, I am really prgnant. That is why I wasn't going to date. I was going to concentrate on other things. But, it shows a lot of integrity if a guy is willing to date a girl who is 7 months pregnant, doesn't mind the extra baggage, ect. That is kinda what I meant by the "gift" comment. I think guys like that are rare. I was lucky enought o meet three of them.
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted April 5, 2004 Author Posted April 5, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme Put three pieces of paper with their names on it in a box, close your eyes, and pull one. You'll do about as well, I think. I think guy 1 sounds like a bad deal because you're weighing his benefits objectively and thinking of what he could give you but considering relating to him to be a chore. That will wear thin in the long run. LOL moi! Maybe I should try that! That is how I picked my baby's name! Hee hee! I agree with you about Guy#1, but it may be that he is just really shy or nervous around me. I'm pretty outgoing and that could be intimidating to someone who is so soft-spoken. I think I'm worried about hurting him more than anything because he is so nice.
flwrchld68 Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Wow! Some of us can't get even one guy and you have 3? Share how to tips now! Have you thought about dating them all at once? Are you wanting a relationship now? you said you weren't going to date at all. If you don't want anything serious with any of them then have fun dating. But, be honest with them all so none of them get their feelings hurt.
faux Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 I think it's perfectly fine for you to go out on a few more dates with these guys. See what develops. Don't rush your decision. And good luck! Those are some lucky fellas.
spencer Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 date #1. you did put him at the top of the list. coincidence..hmmmmm. #2 has to sort out feelings, .......you snooze you lose. #3 he didn't dump 'on and off girl' to be with you. so.... Ding Ding Ding we have a winner #1 is Mr. Right Now are you just trying to convince yourself? you dont need us, its plain as day in your post.
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted April 6, 2004 Author Posted April 6, 2004 Flwrchld68: I have no tips for ya. I was convinced that I would be terminally single! I don't know what happened. But, I'm not complaining either. I want a relationship with the right person. I'm pretty much done with the games and casual dating. It just gets too emotionally draining. Faux: aww...Thanks! That compliment makes my day! I agree with you, I want to take things slow and be sure before I make any decisions. Spencer: I only worded my post like that because it was the easiest way to explain the dilemma. I loved the way you worded your post. It really made me think about things. The "you snooze you loose" comment got me. Problem is, I still have strong feeling for him. I even find myself thinking about him when I'm with guy #1. My dilemma is that guy #1 can offer me everything I'm looking for, there just isn't that "spark" there that really set my heart on fire. But, I don't want to miss out on a great opportunity with him by waiting for guy #2 to come around. With Guy #3 nothing has really developed, but if it would (I think there is interested enough to pursue something) then it would be a great relationship. I saw guy #1 again tonight. He gave me a single red rose, which I thought was sweet. Most guys I have dated only gave me flowers when they were in the doghouse. LOL He wants to see me again tomorrow. I told him I had plans, but to call me. He says he misses me when we are not together and thinks about me all the time. I'm not sure what to think. We only been out on 3 dates and he is already wanting to commit. I told him that I wanted to take things slow and get to know him better first. But really I think I'm just trying to buy some time. I don't know how to react. I never had a guy adore me like that before. Do you guy think that it sounds a little desperate on his part or do you think he just likes me a lot??? I don't know what to think anymore!!
spencer Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn I saw guy #1 again tonight. He gave me a single red rose, which I thought was sweet. Most guys I have dated only gave me flowers when they were in the doghouse. LOL He wants to see me again tomorrow. I told him I had plans, but to call me. He says he misses me when we are not together and thinks about me all the time. I'm not sure what to think. We only been out on 3 dates and he is already wanting to commit. I told him that I wanted to take things slow and get to know him better first. But really I think I'm just trying to buy some time. I don't know how to react. I never had a guy adore me like that before. Do you guy think that it sounds a little desperate on his part or do you think he just likes me a lot??? I don't know what to think anymore!! poor men, they finally do the right stuff and we wonder if their desperate. no really, i think he is just well bred. I love to date men who are willing to risk being romantic and shower me with affection with no agenda other than to make me smile. enjoy it & accept it. btw some sparks are slow to start but once they ignite....watch out. as for the "what if" #3, well sometimes our 'what if's' are more exciting than what really would be, he sounds like a great friend to have though.
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted April 6, 2004 Author Posted April 6, 2004 Your probably right spencer. Thanks so much for the advice. It gives me a lot to think about. Maybe I should start thinking differently, nothing I have done thus far has worked anyway. I think my main challenge now is getting over guy#2. There are still strong feeling there. I don't want to get to invoved with Guy#1 until I can give him my complete attention. Thanks again!
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted April 6, 2004 Author Posted April 6, 2004 Oh, by the way, I have another question. Guy #1 is asking to see me everyday. I'm worried that it will go too fast if I keep allowing us to see one another everyday. I can say sometimes that I have plans, but I can't keep using the same excuse. I don't want him to think I'm not interested, but, I really want to take things slow. At this rate, that won't happen. We have seen each other everyday since we met. Any sugguestions on what I could tell him to avoid seeing him everyday?
MarKus Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 Gosh he's keen! Just tell him straight that you want to take things slow....make him understand that....you are well within your rights
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted April 7, 2004 Author Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by MarKus Gosh he's keen! Just tell him straight that you want to take things slow....make him understand that....you are well within your rights I have told him that. He is fine with that, but he still asks to see me everyday. We are going slow physically and he said he is willing to wait as long as I want for a relationship, but he still want to spend time together. I have a hard time saying no because he is so nice.
spencer Posted April 8, 2004 Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn I have told him that. He is fine with that, but he still asks to see me everyday. We are going slow physically and he said he is willing to wait as long as I want for a relationship, but he still want to spend time together. I have a hard time saying no because he is so nice. good opportunity to practice/develop your assertiveness skills.
Arabess Posted April 8, 2004 Posted April 8, 2004 If it's in a delimma or comparison stage....it ain't the real thing!!!!! None of them as individuals fulfill what you are seeking. Enjoy the drinks, dining and dances.....but hold off on any committments till Guy 4 comes along and rocks your world so big and so bad.....you won't even remember who the hell the first three guys were.
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