jeweleestar Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I have been lurking for quite some time now and feel like I have read my story over and over and over again. I will start with the background, touch on the now, and share where I want to be. Thank you all for being so open in your communication, you have made me decide to share with someone, I feel like ls is someone, things that I have not shared with anyone until today. I apologize for being so wordy, but I think I have to get it off my chest. 8 months back... Same story as many of you, I meet him, am drawn to him, we exchange information, and begin communicating. He tells me that he is recently divorced (2 years ago) and felt an instant connections when he met me. We text the next couple of days, were supposed to meet for dinner, but something came up (big shocker) and he couldn't. At that point I begin to get a little nervous and start saying that I think we are in different places, not sure if we are looking for the same thing, etc. I flat out ask if he is looking for a fwb, and he says that he is. I tell him that I am not sure that is what I want right now, still holding out hope for prince charming. I politely decline any advances and don't respond to any texts. About a month passes and he sends me the miss you text and in a weak moment I text back. Ask a couple of questions and have a couple of red flags. A few more questions and he says he is separated.... but living in the same house. How is this separated??? He is planning on divorce, blah, blah, blah.... I get more of the story, but for some reason am still drawn to him. I think I went into mother/I want to make you feel better mode. We continue to text, it becomes more involved, and leads to me agreeing to meeting up with him. We meet, I let things get too far. I totally blew through any limits I set for myself , and we were intimate with each other. We continue to text, but have only met up a few additional times, each time has resulted in us being physical. I have never been one that snoops, I found his wifes facebook page and there is a picture of them as her profile picture. Her page is not private, I now have more information. He is rarely mentioned on her page, if it wasn't for that one picture you would question if they werrn't really separated. Present time... I think I now realize how insignificant I am to him. I feel like he went to an awful lot of work to get me to be physical with him. I hate that I became this person, who I said I would never be. My heart hurts because I did allow myself to have feelings for him, but on the otherhand I know that maybe I deserve to feel the way that I do. I realize that he only contacts me when it is convenient to him, that the words that he said to me were only words, no meaning. I have not contacted him 3 days, he told me on Wednesday that he was going out of town and coming back today. I figured this was as good of time as any to stop this. I know that I will hear from him in the next couple of days. I cannot let him continue to drag me down this beaten path. I feel so broken, so guilty, and I don't know how to make it better...
siuys Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Take your power back and go NC. He is a liar and a cheat and it sounds like it's all about the chase. Claim your dignity back and forget about this man. This is the best message you can give him, and yourself. He is not worth it. Admit the mistakes you made and move on. Don't look for any answers from him. You know the answer already. The only way to feel better is to walk away. The sooner you walk away, the sooner you will feel better.
fooled once Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I have been lurking for quite some time now and feel like I have read my story over and over and over again. I will start with the background, touch on the now, and share where I want to be. Thank you all for being so open in your communication, you have made me decide to share with someone, I feel like ls is someone, things that I have not shared with anyone until today. I apologize for being so wordy, but I think I have to get it off my chest. 8 months back... Same story as many of you, I meet him, am drawn to him, we exchange information, and begin communicating. He tells me that he is recently divorced (2 years ago) and felt an instant connections when he met me. We text the next couple of days, were supposed to meet for dinner, but something came up (big shocker) and he couldn't. At that point I begin to get a little nervous and start saying that I think we are in different places, not sure if we are looking for the same thing, etc. I flat out ask if he is looking for a fwb, and he says that he is. I tell him that I am not sure that is what I want right now, still holding out hope for prince charming. I politely decline any advances and don't respond to any texts. About a month passes and he sends me the miss you text and in a weak moment I text back. Ask a couple of questions and have a couple of red flags. A few more questions and he says he is separated.... but living in the same house. How is this separated??? He is planning on divorce, blah, blah, blah.... I get more of the story, but for some reason am still drawn to him. I think I went into mother/I want to make you feel better mode. We continue to text, it becomes more involved, and leads to me agreeing to meeting up with him. We meet, I let things get too far. I totally blew through any limits I set for myself , and we were intimate with each other. We continue to text, but have only met up a few additional times, each time has resulted in us being physical. I have never been one that snoops, I found his wifes facebook page and there is a picture of them as her profile picture. Her page is not private, I now have more information. He is rarely mentioned on her page, if it wasn't for that one picture you would question if they werrn't really separated. Present time... I think I now realize how insignificant I am to him. I feel like he went to an awful lot of work to get me to be physical with him. I hate that I became this person, who I said I would never be. My heart hurts because I did allow myself to have feelings for him, but on the otherhand I know that maybe I deserve to feel the way that I do. I realize that he only contacts me when it is convenient to him, that the words that he said to me were only words, no meaning. I have not contacted him 3 days, he told me on Wednesday that he was going out of town and coming back today. I figured this was as good of time as any to stop this. I know that I will hear from him in the next couple of days. I cannot let him continue to drag me down this beaten path. I feel so broken, so guilty, and I don't know how to make it better... Couple of quick thoughts... Facebook - I am married. My FB page isn't all about my marriage or my H. I have pictures of us in my albums, but not my profile pic nor does my H post on my wall much and the same way for his FB. Just because we are married (and happily married) doesn't mean we aren't still individuals. So just because her FB page isn't dedicated to her H doesn't mean she is separated. In fact, most of my married friends don't announce to the world daily on FB about their H or their marriages. For your sanity - stay away from her page. She has done nothing to you. Don't go digging into her life. I am sure if she knew about you and was doing that to you, you would be pretty irate about the invasion of your privacy. So first he lies and says he is divorced and now he is allegedly separated. How long has he been separated? I don't believe he is separated. I believe he is just yet another MM looking for an ego boost, sex and someone to worship him and tell him how great he is. So he is "out of town" How about it is the weekend and he is with his wife/family and can't sneak away to call you or text you? Most MM can only communicate Monday through Friday from 9 am to 5 pm. Is that the kind of relationship you want? Are you okay with being someone's f*ck buddy? I have a feeling you want more than that -- so why are you continuing to communicate with him? You know he is a liar; you know very little about him and what you do know is not good. Only you can STOP this. But you have to want to. If you want to, then you can't be "sucked back in" by him as many OW state. Keep remembering how he LIED to you. Keep remembering HE IS MARRIED. No one can make you be in an affair. Realize that you should never have to "share" a man with any other woman. How would you feel if his wife found out and made your life hell? If she found out where you worked and contacted your boss or co-workers? Or your family? This guy is NOT prince charming and you should never settle for less than what you want. He is having his fun with you; and you are invested way more than he is. Cut him lose and get on with your life. I know it will hurt and you will be sad and lonely, but isnt that better than knowing you aren't with a coward, a liar and someone who has no respect for you? Good luck.
Author jeweleestar Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 Couple of quick thoughts... Facebook - I am married. My FB page isn't all about my marriage or my H. I have pictures of us in my albums, but not my profile pic nor does my H post on my wall much and the same way for his FB. Just because we are married (and happily married) doesn't mean we aren't still individuals. So just because her FB page isn't dedicated to her H doesn't mean she is separated. In fact, most of my married friends don't announce to the world daily on FB about their H or their marriages. For your sanity - stay away from her page. She has done nothing to you. Don't go digging into her life. I am sure if she knew about you and was doing that to you, you would be pretty irate about the invasion of your privacy. So first he lies and says he is divorced and now he is allegedly separated. How long has he been separated? I don't believe he is separated. I believe he is just yet another MM looking for an ego boost, sex and someone to worship him and tell him how great he is. So he is "out of town" How about it is the weekend and he is with his wife/family and can't sneak away to call you or text you? Most MM can only communicate Monday through Friday from 9 am to 5 pm. Is that the kind of relationship you want? Are you okay with being someone's f*ck buddy? I have a feeling you want more than that -- so why are you continuing to communicate with him? You know he is a liar; you know very little about him and what you do know is not good. Only you can STOP this. But you have to want to. If you want to, then you can't be "sucked back in" by him as many OW state. Keep remembering how he LIED to you. Keep remembering HE IS MARRIED. No one can make you be in an affair. Realize that you should never have to "share" a man with any other woman. How would you feel if his wife found out and made your life hell? If she found out where you worked and contacted your boss or co-workers? Or your family? This guy is NOT prince charming and you should never settle for less than what you want. He is having his fun with you; and you are invested way more than he is. Cut him lose and get on with your life. I know it will hurt and you will be sad and lonely, but isnt that better than knowing you aren't with a coward, a liar and someone who has no respect for you? Good luck. Brutal honesty, it hurts but is exactly what I need to hear. As much as I hate to hear it, it is so true and deep down I know it. Thanks...
BB07 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 How are you doing Jewel? I hope things are getting easier for you.
Author jeweleestar Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 How are you doing Jewel? I hope things are getting easier for you. I'm breathing, which is one positive thing. He sent me a few texts which I was able to delete with out opening, and he called and I deleted without listening to vm. My mind is playing tricks with me and I create all sorts of scenarios about what they said,, but.... This sucks, I am hurting, but glad that I am getting out now rather than later. I can't believe I did this, I didn't want to and don't know how I let myself be convinced. So I have a huge amount of guilt that I am dealing with on top of everything else. I went and worked out tonight, going to hang out with some friends that I have been neglecting lately since I have been hiding what is going on. thanks for checking. :-)
BB07 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I'm breathing, which is one positive thing. He sent me a few texts which I was able to delete with out opening, and he called and I deleted without listening to vm. My mind is playing tricks with me and I create all sorts of scenarios about what they said,, but.... This sucks, I am hurting, but glad that I am getting out now rather than later. I can't believe I did this, I didn't want to and don't know how I let myself be convinced. So I have a huge amount of guilt that I am dealing with on top of everything else. I went and worked out tonight, going to hang out with some friends that I have been neglecting lately since I have been hiding what is going on. thanks for checking. :-) You are being strong...........good for you. You can do this. More than likely this guy is not separated at all........it was just some bs to get to you. That should piss you off so use that anger in constructive ways. Hugs........
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I'm breathing, which is one positive thing. He sent me a few texts which I was able to delete with out opening, and he called and I deleted without listening to vm. My mind is playing tricks with me and I create all sorts of scenarios about what they said,, but.... You should really be proud of yourself and make a BIG deal of this!! That's alot of courage and strength to not open/read the texts and just to delete his message.. Awesome!!
skywriter Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 jewel, Hang in there girl, you'll be glad you saved yourself alot of self inflicted nonsense at the end of the day. I ignored many red flags because I was being selfish, only to regret that I did. It's true, life can be a vicious circle.
Author jeweleestar Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 I swing between being hurt/upset and really pissed off!!! This morning I was feeling sad and sorry for myself. Now, I am pissed offf and wish there was some way that I can expose him for the POS he is. That won't be productive at all since I don't want to inflict any pain on his family. They did not ask to be a part of this. I know that I have a huge responsibility in the situation, I made the decision to continue once I found out he wasn't married. I fought hard to end it, but it was so hard to turn it down when they are just pouring it on and saying all the right things. But, I cannot think for a moment that he knew exactly what he was doing and played me. That is what pisses me off the most. If I am in a pissed off mood, it is easy to delete with out looking. If I am emotional and feeling low and weak, it is not so easy. I know that I always tend to think people are good, that they aren't going to lie since that is not right, that people don't intentionally hurt people. But, the truth is that isn't so. There are bad apples out there and I always seem to meet them. Granted this is the first time that I have been in this situation. I am ready to turn the neon light that must be hanging over my head that says "Looking for a loser, lowlife, lying, scum" I am about done with those people. thanks for your support. I don't discuss it with anyone since I am embarrassed and ashamed and it was just eating me up.
skywriter Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Just please don't ignore your intuition, the voice inside of you that screams clues to you, the red flags. There's a reason for all of this. Only you know what is best for you and eventually you, really can't ignore that.
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