nowwhatnow Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 it has been 7 months since the break up, 6 months NC. after all this time i still love him im thinking that i should email/call him and tell him how i feel or see whats up. i feel like that this point something needs to happen or i should just stop hoping and give it up. i feel that the only way i will be able to do this is if i try one LAST time. and if he is still confused or whatever he said he was than i will stop. stop fantasizing, stop hoping, stop praying. has it been enough time to contact him? or is this never a good idea? i just need to know i tried by best before giving up.
Johnny85 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 A lot of people are probably going to disagree with me, but I say go for it. At least then you can say that you tried if things don't turn out the way you had hoped. The reason why many people are against breaking NC is because it can make you miserable all over again. I would be VERY non-confrontational when you initiate contact, propose getting together over a cup of coffee perhaps, don't talk about the relationship (i.e., why it went bad, etc), keep it light and fun (talk about fun times that you shared together, etc) and just have a good time. I would just like to stress how important it is to come across as independent and emotionally unattached. Good luck to you; I say go for it:)
TryTryAgain Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I reached out to my ex via email after about 6-8 months of her breaking up with me. We chatted over email for a day and that was it. I was kind of hoping it would spark something, but it didn't, at least not then and there. I was pretty busted up about it for a few days, but I got over it pretty quick. Ultimately we did reconcile a few months later only to go our separate ways again shortly thereafter. So, I would imagine it will cause some level of pain if you get rejected, but that also all depends on your expectations. Of course people are going to tell you not to do it, but they're only looking out for you and don't want you to feel anymore pain than you already feel.
1784 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 The way I would look at it is very simply. Here it is - What would you regret more? Trying and getting hurt or not trying at all? Hurt is something that we can all recover from. Not trying is a lot harder to accept. Go for it.
Author nowwhatnow Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 wow you guys are really supportive. i was not expecting such a positive response. but it feels good to know others understand. i wish my family and friends were more supportive. so i am currently on the other side of the world. i guess if i were to go for coffee i should wait until i get home. or would a light email suffice? would coffee be better? and do i just act completely over it? not even drop a hint about getting back together?
Fufu Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 It is entirely up to you It's you decision, you call. How do you want to do it is also up to you, we may give you lots of ideas but entirely you are the one who will be deciding. However, if he still sticking on to his decision, don't fall back to the heart wrenching time.
Author nowwhatnow Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 yes i know. i feel like meeting up with him is best but that would not be for another couple months - which may not be a bad thing. i also just want to get it over with so that if he says he does not want to get back together i can finally come to terms with it and accept it. i am sick of feeling this way and constantly fantasizing about when he is going to come back.
Trevster Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I say go for it you have nothing to lose but a world of love you could possibly gain! Keep us updated I'll pray for you keep strong!!! I believe it will work out!
Author nowwhatnow Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 ok so i was really gonna do it and i was talking to my friend about it and she said that he has this new friend that is a girl and she is not sure about their relationship but he might be interested in her. now i am completely destroyed/ confused and dont know what to do. could you guys help me??
noleaf Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 hey i'm pretty new here so i dont know how valid my advice is - but i dont think it really changes anything having this new girl in the picture. Not for you anyway. You should still contact him so you can find out what situation he is in and how he feels about the possibility of you and him, so you know whether to move on or not. If he still has feelings for you then you need to know. hope this makes sense and good luck
Popondetta Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Does he know that you're on the other side of the world? That might actually be the reason why he hasn't contacted you himself (because maybe he doesn't see the point in having any contact when you're not even in the same country as he is...and IF he still has feelings for you, he might not know how to go about things since you don't live in the same country.) I'd contact him and see if I got a reply. At least you have tried then. Maybe ask if you two could meet up when you go back home? Be prepared though that he might have a new GF, say no, or might say yes and just want to be friends. Good luck and keep us posted!
Author nowwhatnow Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 thank you!! i really appreciate your optimism. i have been thinking a lot and i really do think i need to contact him in order to try again or move on. im at the point where it is necessary to do this. im thinking of waiting until i get home and call him to meet up or if it is really killing me perhaps send an email...or call him from here? not sure how i should do it, but pretty confident i need to in order to move on (although few of my friends agree with this)
rebeccajones Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Just be prepared to not get exactly what you hope for. But it's worth a try to just see how he is doing.
fun2bewith Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 You always have one phone call and one letter left before you close the chapter.... In this case I would say: "Just do it"... but if you are more comfortable with waiting a few months until you go home...that would be good aswel... I think you would regret more if you didn't make contact... Just don't expect him to be supper nice, he might be angry why you didn't try earlier....
Author nowwhatnow Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 thanks rebecca, i know, i am going to try and steel myself. and fun to be with, that is very true. i do not think he would be mad at me though, since he was the one to dump me. but maybe he is upset that i have not contacted him all these months or told him i was leaving. i just have no idea what i would say when he picks up the phone. the idea scares and excites me.
Fufu Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 if are expecting for something GOOD, I actually will suggest you to wait for a few months first. If you want to contact him, contact him with no objective in your mind.
thatdog Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Sorry I think I am going to go against public opinion here and say you shouldn't contact him. I'm of the opinion that once you move past a certain point (probably a couple of months) then you really need to focus more on getting your own affairs in order. If you are still pining over him after 7 months then breaking NC is just going to risk reopening old wounds and setting you back to square one. If he really wants you back he will probably try to initiate contact. I think you need to 'move on' yourself before you can try again. Ask yourself- "am I ready to start dating again?" "am I over our old relationship?" After this long I think any relationship you go back to with him willbe different from what you had before. And if you are ready to date again then you will be sure of the fact that if he says he isn;t interested in getting back together you will be ok with that because you know there are a lot of other good guys out there. At the moment you sound like you still think he is the only guy for you so if he shoots you down you will probably be devastated all over again. IDK for sure if this is the case but that's what it sounds like based on what you've said here. Oh yeah. emailing him now seems irrelevant anyhow since you won't even be able to get back together until you are both in the same town again.
Fufu Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Sorry I think I am going to go against public opinion here and say you shouldn't contact him. I'm of the opinion that once you move past a certain point (probably a couple of months) then you really need to focus more on getting your own affairs in order. If you are still pining over him after 7 months then breaking NC is just going to risk reopening old wounds and setting you back to square one. If he really wants you back he will probably try to initiate contact. I think you need to 'move on' yourself before you can try again. Ask yourself- "am I ready to start dating again?" "am I over our old relationship?" After this long I think any relationship you go back to with him willbe different from what you had before. And if you are ready to date again then you will be sure of the fact that if he says he isn;t interested in getting back together you will be ok with that because you know there are a lot of other good guys out there. At the moment you sound like you still think he is the only guy for you so if he shoots you down you will probably be devastated all over again. IDK for sure if this is the case but that's what it sounds like based on what you've said here. Oh yeah. emailing him now seems irrelevant anyhow since you won't even be able to get back together until you are both in the same town again. I agree with you, you have a good point here.
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