primer Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 38 years old - divorced - three kids - live in my parents house - unemployed five years - underemployed the past five months How does one explain this for online dating?
xpaperxcutx Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I would avoid the need to divulge about my income and my job title and stick to describing my more, valued traits. Personally, if I was in your position I wouldn't be in a hurry to date. I would rather look at my qualifications and see if I can find a better job which will provide me with enough money to move out of my parents' house. Or even take up some courses so I can find a better job ( three kids= college savings).
Author primer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I have a teaching degree but there are no teaching jobs.
Kelemort Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 You can probably substitute teach, primer. I'm a substitute teacher in Southeastern Michigan and I don't even have a degree in teaching - rather, the limit was that I had to have 90 college credits. There are no teaching jobs, but you'll have an even harder time if things do turn up in that area if you don't have any actual teaching experience. What area are you from? I might be able to dig up some resources for you if you're interested. Otherwise, go through the training to be a teacher's aide, paraprofessional or a tutor. You could even be a tutor during your off-hours from another job. And right now, it may not be a bad idea to go back to school for a one-year certification program so you can at least get an OK job that maybe has some benefits. You're right in that you have a lot working against you - but so do a lot of folks in the current economy. I would never open a dating site with, "By the way, I'm unemployed, I'm divorced, I have 3 kids and I live in my parents' house." Even if I go on to read the rest of your profile, the fact that you're warning me is...well...going to warn me away, even if some of those things are out of your control. But I think what you should do right now is set up a 6-months or 1-year plan for yourself. Visit job placement agencies. Return to your alma mater and see if they know of any employment opportunities at the career services office. Here in Michigan, we have a site called "The Michigan Talent Bank" - it's basically a place where you upload your resume, job search and apply for jobs. It's probably the greatest thing ever. Does your state have something like that? Right now I just see a lot of potholes for you, especially with the dating thing. It's going to be mighty awkward inviting ladies out on dates if you (maybe) can't afford to at least offer to buy them dinner. For me personally? As long as you were working, the fact that you're divorced with 3 kids isn't a dead end. Even if you're just working at PetSmart full-time or something like that...as long as you show ambition and a willingness to eventually branch out and move on from that.
musemaj11 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 No, if I were you I would expect to die alone unless some things change.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I have a teaching degree but there are no teaching jobs. At your age, you're still able to take up more courses for CECs or attend vocational schools. Right now, it's either moving somewhere else with available work or take the opportunity to have your parents help you baby- sit while you take night classes. Better to find a higher paying job than to work double shifts earning minimum pay. I want you to think of the bigger picture- do you want a better life for yourself and the kids or do you just want a guy who might not even want to help you with your baggage? I believe it's possible for anyone to find a partner provided they're at a point in their life to do so, however, at your stage in life, it's not something to consider if you can't take care of yourself let alone three children. Get your priorities straight before taking the time to find a man who can accept a single mother with three children.
Author primer Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I don't want to move because then the kids would have to change schools. Their dad lives about 30 miles from here too.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I don't want to move because then the kids would have to change schools. Their dad lives about 30 miles from here too. Right, and is dear old dad paying child support? No matter, because he's only supporting the kids, not you. That is why it's all the more imperative you seek other alternative jobs to support yourself. At least you're not paying rent, so your wallet is not far stretched beyond its limit. However your parents are only here for a certain time, and I doubt they will expect you to stay with them indefinitely. You have to know what it is that you want for yourself, and while it may include having a man in your life, it is not necessary at this point in your life. You cannot just sit back and wait for a job to become available. When my mom was laid off, she had to apply for unemployment and apply for job openings with her local union. She was certainly not the idle kind especially since we came from a blue collar background and whatever money brought in was made to pay the mortgage and the bills. If she had better qualifications she would jump at the higher positioning jobs. Which is the point I'm getting at. If you have the ability to get more qualifications in other vocations, do so. They may prove profitable for you. Especially in this economy where certain jobs are obselete, it's better to learn another trade than to " wait" for a teaching position to open up. You might not be aware, but for every position that opens up, a few hundred apply. Imagine your chances at even getting the job.
Final Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I don't want to move because then the kids would have to change schools. Their dad lives about 30 miles from here too. If you were a man, I would say that (almost) nobody would want you in your situation. But because you are female, you have a decent chance. Some men don't mind being the traditional breadwinner and the truth is there are double standards to this type of thing. Still, you sound unhappy with your life and I don't recommend you trying to find someone until you're more secure about yourself. It is different if you just happen to meet someone.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Yes someone would want you. I wouldn't put down that I was unemployed if it has little to do with your current situation.
nsphere Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Why worry about whether someone will want you? You have three kids so there's no ticking clock. At least that's how I feel at my age anyway. In the past, I felt I needed to get married to have a kid but now that I have a kid I don't feel the need to get married anymore. Look at your own strengths and focus on you and your kids. Enjoy each day with them as soon enough, they will be grown with their own lives. And once you feel happy and confident in yourself, you might just find relationships will sneak up on you. But you will be in a better place and not have to settle on less than you deserve if you wait and focus on you rather than jumping into something right now.
Art_Critic Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Of course you will find someone.. But... With online dating you put forth your best foot always and only put your strengths in your profile. You certainly wouldn't post your bad habits in it would you ?.. no.. so don't post anything but the things that put a positive spin on your life. Many guys will date women with kids.. I had during my single days and your being late 30's doesn't make you non dateable either.. and these two tihngs are not negatives but really positives in who your are... You are a 38 year old mother after all...
seibert253 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 At your stage in the game, guys will take committment, honesty, and emotional stability, over your income level, where you stay, or how many kids you have. A stable career and better living arraingments will come. Focus on your positives and what you have to offer.
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 38 years old - divorced - three kids - live in my parents house - unemployed five years - underemployed the past five months How does one explain this for online dating? I see that your a woman. In that case there might be a man who wants you because some of them like to "save" someone. But you won't have a balanced relationship because if it does not work out, you will find it difficult to leave because your financial security depends on your partner. I think you should first make sure that you have a decent job, and it would be better if you did not live with your parents anymore. I personally find my financial independence very important. Then there are men who are threatened by it.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 It doesn't sound that bad since you're a woman. If you were a guy it would come across a lot worse for some reason.
BeginAgain Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 It doesn't sound that bad since you're a woman. If you were a guy it would come across a lot worse for some reason. Yes and then you could expect this little pleasant reality. No, if I were you I would expect to die alone unless some things change.
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