jayto Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Well one more day and he's off for two weeks to an all inclusive, adults only resort. He's going with another couple and a girl 'friend" with whom he'll be sharing a room. I was initially invited, but could only afford one week. Rather than helping me pay for the extra week, he agreed to share a room with a woman who could afford the entire trip. A woman he's known for years who is recently divorced. I have been ignoring him the past few weeks. I feel it's best for me not to have contact prior to his leaving as it's difficult, and for some reason the distance has helped. So, my question is this: Should I wait for his return to see if he feels bad about his decision and apologizes (which I'm expecting), or should I just kick him to the curb when he comes back? Thank you.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 You should break-up with him. He's going to have sex on this trip.
Final Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 You should break-up with him. He's going to have sex on this trip. This is the truth.
Flgirl44 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Neither of those. You should tell him you aren't okay with it before he goes and if he decides to do it anyways or can't come to a conclusion that he doesn't have to appologize later for, then leave. I'm sorry to come off so harsh, but going to an all inclusive with another woman.....why can't he just go alone with his friends? If he doesn't want to be a third wheel...um well in what ways is the other lady friend alleviating that third wheel status? Or perhaps he doesn't want to be alone while his couple friends pal around, so why not invite a male friend? Gee I wonder why he chose the female gender to accompany him. I have a strong suspicion she is going to be taking care of the reasons why you would've been going for him. ex)companionship, sex, drinking, fun, dinners etc... Im really really sorry this guy is putting you in such a position, do you really want to be with someone that would put you in such a situation?
Kelemort Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Neither of those. You should tell him you aren't okay with it before he goes and if he decides to do it anyways or can't come to a conclusion that he doesn't have to appologize later for, then leave. I'm sorry to come off so harsh, but going to an all inclusive with another woman.....why can't he just go alone with his friends? If he doesn't want to be a third wheel...um well in what ways is the other lady friend alleviating that third wheel status? Or perhaps he doesn't want to be alone while his couple friends pal around, so why not invite a male friend? Gee I wonder why he chose the female gender to accompany him. I have a strong suspicion she is going to be taking care of the reasons why you would've been going for him. ex)companionship, sex, drinking, fun, dinners etc... Im really really sorry this guy is putting you in such a position, do you really want to be with someone that would put you in such a situation? Agreed with everything here. Tell him upfront. You should've voiced this concern as soon as it became an issue. I'm sorry, but going for a two-weeks resort vacation and sharing a room with a newly single female friend? That doesn't bode well. Has he even acknowledged how this might affect you? It should be common knowledge to any man with half a working brain to say, "I suspect this might make you uncomfortable, but these are the arrangements we've come up with so far," and then he should've waited to hear your responses to work through this. You act as though he had the money to cover the second week of the trip, and that makes me suspicious too. If he has the money...and he trusts you...why wouldn't he front the money for the trip? I can understand if the relationship is still very young, but that's still strange. My boyfriend would never think of not offering me the money if I needed it. It's sort of our agreement - I'd pay him back in installments or pay him back in other ways, like buying the groceries, doing the cooking for the week, etc. Bring up your concerns, see what he says. And then...probably...time to leave.
veggirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Erm, wow. How long have you guys been together? You should have sat him down as soon as he announced his plan and told him that this was not acceptable to you and you were NOT comfortable with it. That being said, obviously he must know this is not cool, right? And you have been ignoring him...is he even trying to talk to you? It sounds like he has already checked out and it'd be in your best interest to do the same and cut ties. How disrespectful of him.
MarlyStar Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I'd be done with him. If you continue afterwards even with his apologies you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of doormat-ness, taking for granted and misery.
MarlyStar Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I have been ignoring him the past few weeks. I feel it's best for me not to have contact prior to his leaving as it's difficult,... Hasn't he noticed that you've been ignoring him the last few weeks? Has he cared? There's your answer. I'd make up my mind that the day you started ignoring him was the day you kicked him to the curb and ended the relationship.
Fondue Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Don't jump to conclusions and give him a chance. We had our last spring break last year in which four us went to Cancun Mexico-- to a resort that was considered very "sexual." It was two guys, two girls. The girl who invited us to the trip was a girl who was not single. Her and I known each other for a few years now and are good friends. Guess what? Her boyfriend didn't mind her going because he TRUSTED her. Keep in mind, I have NOT met the boyfriend before this trip. Did anything at all sexual happen between any of us? Nope. Not at all. We were friends, and we hung out as friends (although some of us had adventures with other people we met there, but that's beside the point ). So yah, adults can go out on trips together and not have sex. You have some trust issues, and that may be okay. IT really may be. In fact, this may be a good thing now. If you can't trust your boyfriend, maybe he isn't trustworthy and this is a good time to break up. But if you're actually reasonable, then you'll actually give him a chance to enjoy himself and see what happens after the trip. 'Cause you know what? Not everyone's out to cheat on you.
Sivok Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I'm sure just putting that in text and rereading it made the decision crystal clear to you, Jayto. Drop him
xpaperxcutx Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Don't jump to conclusions and give him a chance. We had our last spring break last year in which four us went to Cancun Mexico-- to a resort that was considered very "sexual." It was two guys, two girls. The girl who invited us to the trip was a girl who was not single. Her and I known each other for a few years now and are good friends. Guess what? Her boyfriend didn't mind her going because he TRUSTED her. Keep in mind, I have NOT met the boyfriend before this trip. Did anything at all sexual happen between any of us? Nope. Not at all. We were friends, and we hung out as friends (although some of us had adventures with other people we met there, but that's beside the point ). So yah, adults can go out on trips together and not have sex. You have some trust issues, and that may be okay. IT really may be. In fact, this may be a good thing now. If you can't trust your boyfriend, maybe he isn't trustworthy and this is a good time to break up. But if you're actually reasonable, then you'll actually give him a chance to enjoy himself and see what happens after the trip. 'Cause you know what? Not everyone's out to cheat on you. Did the girl share a room with you? There's nothing wrong with a single girl going on a trip with a group of friends or acquaintances but there is something " fishy" about a guy ( in a relationship) sharing a room, let alone, a bed with said girl.
Pyro Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Did the girl share a room with you? There's nothing wrong with a single girl going on a trip with a group of friends or acquaintances but there is something " fishy" about a guy ( in a relationship) sharing a room, let alone, a bed with said girl. exactly. I would love to see his reaction if you told him you were sharing a room with a recently divorced man who is a friend.
sumdude Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 (edited) Totally un acceptable.. period. When I'm in a loving relationship with a woman I'd pay her whole way if she couldn't afford it. Because there would be no one I would rather be on vacation with. Edited April 9, 2011 by sumdude
Author jayto Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 Totally un acceptable.. period. When I'm in a loving relationship with a woman I'd pay her whole way if she couldn't afford it. Because there would be no one I would rather be on vacation with. We have been dating for over 3 1/2 years. We don't live together but have discussed it. Yes he has money, plenty of money, but paying a portion was never offered. The woman joining him is the best friend of the wife of the other couple. She told me I had nothing to worry about as this woman had no interest in my man, just the fact that it was much cheaper to book double occupancy. She also said they booked two single beds (he said the same). The trip total was $1,700. So in my mind he has given up this relationship for a mere $850.00. If I kick him to the curb now I'll know he'll have the freedom to do what he pleases. If I wait, I know he (and the other couple) will have me in mind and that may make him feel uncomfortable. I think I'll be stronger when he returns and in a better position to end it completely. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in some cases it makes it grow "away". Thank you for all your opinions. This sure opened my eyes.
Flgirl44 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I think you are making the right decision. 3 1/2 years is a long time and sumdude pretty much nailed it. It bothers me how he didn't seem to try harder to find solutions so you could go! I hope things work out for you, goodluck
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