Arikel Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Couple of weeks back I found out my bf had cheated on me when I was away for 2 weeks. I only found out because I started feeling suspicious and checked out his email. End result: Yep, he cheated, and he exploded because _I_ snooped his email ... said he loved me, it was only the once, it was over.. that he wouldve told me if I had asked ... and I didn't...It won't happen again, he's made his choice to be with me ... But the thing is, when I read his emails they spanned all the time we were dating. He said he only considered me his gf after he met my parents... 2 weeks before he cheated .. again. Yeah he did see other people during the first few months we met. Even after we started sleeping together. But I guess I felt Ok, I mean, if that were true.. and I did feel guilty about snooping his email as he is a very private person (but then again I see why!).. though I did feel justified because we met online, and I shut down my profile within 2 weeks, and he kept his going on various websites .. maybe I was stupid for not bringing it up before ... Anyway, after I found out he cheated, and we had a big argument, he said he wanted to try again, and I do love him, so I said ok, but he had to not go on online dating sites anymore .. and he hasnt. So last week he was out of town, and when he came back he had to rush off again and has been out of town for the past 3 days, and will be for another week+... and today supposedly on holiday with his daughter (whom I haven't met yet, she lives with her mom) he logs onto 2 dating sites ... I dont know. I feel physically sick and betrayed. I mean I'm supposed to meet his kid... but I dunno, I kinda feel that hes gonna bail on it anyway even if I weren't busy. We did not set up an appointment for sure to meet, he just says he 'will call me'. But why even ask me to meet his kid if he's still unsure that we are able to go somewhere with this relationship? Why not just put it off until he's sure, I dont wanna meet his kid and break up with their dad after .. I dont want the kid to see it I guess. Or is it just some ploy to keep his gf at home while he goes visit other random chicks he meets online out of town.. So I'm like the live in bedwarmer or something. After reading everything I wrote, well, crap. I really wonder what I'm doing here with this guy. I'm 30. Hes 40. Its not like I'm ugly, I'm pretty good looking, intelligent, heck, lots of people are interested in me. Why am I here? Love is ridiculous. I know what people are gonna tell me. I know what I would and am telling me... But I just wonder if its my insecurity speaking... if I should wait and see if he actually lets me meet his kid (if shes in town at all), should I wait till he gets back and ask him directly to his face, or should I just bail and run as fast as I bl***y can. Hell, I think I just need to let this out. I cant speak to anyone about it... Asians have too much pride eh
DollyGirl12 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I would have a very difficult time trusting this man. And honestly, I would not meet his child. There is no reason to get a child involved if he is not being honest with you. That would be very unfair to the child. It has nothing at all to do with your looks, trust me on this one. There are just some people (men and women) that like that thrill of feeling attractive to everyone they possibly can. If he was being dishonest with you in the beginning, and is still being dishonest with you, then he will continue to be dishonest with you. You deserve better and there are men out there that are honest, attractive, and will treat you with the respect you deserve. Good luck.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 And p.s. People are FABULOUS at turning things around on the other person when they are caught doing something inappropriate.
Author Arikel Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I agree with you Dollygirl... I should not involve the child at all. I'd rather deal with the insecurity than bring a kid into this relationship and risk letting her see it not work out
DollyGirl12 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Well, I speak from experience because I can relate completely to your situation. I went through something very similar. Lies and dishonesty in the beginning, only to find more lies and dishonestly. He did not have a child but I became very infiltrated in his family life with his mother, sisters and brothers. I was made to feel like I was a part of the family and there was a future, but behind my back the same kind of things were going on. When we split up his sister contacted me and told me how much everyone loved me, wanted to know if I could forgive him, and that is mother was devastated by the breakup, but could not bring it up with him. I know he did not tell his family what he did, but I did discuss it with his sister, privately. I would have preferred not to go through that loss as well as the hurt that he inflicted on me due to his dishonesty and inability to be faithful. And, if you read any of my previous posts, come to find out he had behaved this way with his previous gf. I guess I was good enough to be a part of the family, but he had no self control. Yeah, he planned on keeping me around, but wanted to have his fun on the side also. People like this rarely change.
Author Arikel Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 That's exactly how I feel right now... And I don't want my kids to grow up seeing this type of relationship either... I really wish he could change and I can trust him whole heartedly again
Kelemort Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 That's exactly how I feel right now... And I don't want my kids to grow up seeing this type of relationship either... I really wish he could change and I can trust him whole heartedly again Hoping is wasted energy and an excuse to stay here. You need to leave now. He's made excuses for his behavior. Never once do you indicate he gave you a genuine apology, but simply a "it's over now..only happened once...how dare you open my e-mail..." Not a "I was a jack-ass and I Hurt you and I'm so sorry." Nope, nada. Time for you to roll out.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 That's exactly how I feel right now... And I don't want my kids to grow up seeing this type of relationship either... I really wish he could change and I can trust him whole heartedly again Yes, I know that feeling. The only thing is that you really couldn't trust him right from the beginning, you just didn't realize it at the time. Very sad!
Author Arikel Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 Guess we are done now. I let him know that i saw his profiles online and he hasn't even bothered to reply even though he is online and I txtd him. So that's that. Glad I'm out even though it hurts like hell and I love him so.. But I won't allow myself to be in this type of relationship. I guess I could forgive him once but to find out he's back on the sites less than 3 weeks after we got back together ... Blah I guess having 1 gf is just not enough. I'm really glad for your advice dollygirl12... It would have been really f***ed up if I had met his daugter then had this situation occur. Now to move to the coping forum and borrow strength for NC
Darren Taylor Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Cheaters generally don't change. These people are either narcissistic, pathological/compulsive liars, personality disorder, or a combination of the above. Unless the person gets help(and they usually think everyone but them is the problem), they won't change.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Cheaters generally don't change. These people are either narcissistic, pathological/compulsive liars, personality disorder, or a combination of the above. Unless the person gets help(and they usually think everyone but them is the problem), they won't change. This is short and completely right on!!! Been there, done that, and no, they DO NOT CHANGE!!!! Let him find the "love of his life" online. I'm sure he is probably the "perfect guy" in his profile. But, in reality, he is exactly the opposite. It is going to be very hard for you. If he is at all narcissistic he will not take any responsibility. And it's the kind of personality disorder that is completely crazy making for the person on the other end. They have a way of making you second guess every one of your thoughts, reactions, although your gut is screaming RED FLAG. They also have a way of trying to sneak back in to your life. The only reason I know I have not heard from my ex is that I caught him in the act, I had proof, and I found all of his past behavior. I let him know exactly what I thought of it. He did not want to become exposed so he has gone away. My therapist calls is "narcissistic injury". Basically that is the only way to really get rid of these types. I'm not sure if your ex is this, but for sure he is not honest. Please hang in there. Post on here as much as you need to, but don't get tangled up in all kinds of interaction with him, even if it's driving you nuts that he did not respond back to you. That is what he wants, for you to come groveling back, and he will ignore you until he feels like talking to you. Then he has all the control right back again. This is something that you will go through the entire relationship should you stay, as well as always wondering what is going on behind your back. YOU DESERVE better!!!!
Author Arikel Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 You're so right Dollygirl12... he doesnt take responsibility for it at all. Hes just angry to be found out, but he didnt feel guilty for what he did before and I guess he doesn't feel guilty now either. I should have ended it then. But sometimes we do stupid things. Now I just have to get by one day at a time.
Woman In Blue Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 The guy's a lying sack of sh*t. Dumping his worthless ass was the BEST move you've made since you met him. Good riddance.
jpbj1982 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Think he or she may be cheating? http://9418c9r-wwgwin6i3qkkgztb6k.hop.clickbank.net/ If You Had This Product You Would Know For Sure
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